It's funny how
The writer's block suggested "the dumbest thing you have ever done" and guess what, that is why I am here, to write about a stupid thing that I did, and I may have caused a few relationships. I fooled around with someone.. and although it wasn't forbidden, I still shouldn't have done it. After the fact, I felt like such a dick, and I still do. It was a stupid mistake.. and I hurt someone that I care about.. except a few realities hit me as well. One, was that I learned that the person that I care about, does not care about me the same way. I knew this, sort-of, but I always had that in the back of my mind thought that maybe, just maybe I could sway her this way. I guess not.
This morning sucked. I was texting this person for 2 hours when I'll I wanted to do was drive there and explain the whole situation. It was my fault, I did do it. and now, like the rest of my gracious mistakes, I am paying for it. Why did I do it? lust. Fucking Lust. Fucking Stupid Whorish Lust. I don't care who reads this, who judges me, or who even gives a flying fuck. I just don't know who to talk to. No one understands my situation, and no, this is not a pity post or anything of the type. I just need to vent, to someone, to open air, to the internet.
Where is my conscience? Where is my need to purity and self determination? Where is it?! Being out of a long term relationship made me realize a few things.. but I did not want to fall back into this, this rut. This non-relationship, non-healthy bullshit of a life. She told me that I should be moving on, and God, if I could get her out of my mind I would. I'm stuck. I'm stuck in a world of dizziness and confusion, torn between right and wrong, good and bad, stupid and stupid-er. I chose confusion, wrong, bad, and stupid-er. Yes. My life is going great.
This morning sucked. I was texting this person for 2 hours when I'll I wanted to do was drive there and explain the whole situation. It was my fault, I did do it. and now, like the rest of my gracious mistakes, I am paying for it. Why did I do it? lust. Fucking Lust. Fucking Stupid Whorish Lust. I don't care who reads this, who judges me, or who even gives a flying fuck. I just don't know who to talk to. No one understands my situation, and no, this is not a pity post or anything of the type. I just need to vent, to someone, to open air, to the internet.
Where is my conscience? Where is my need to purity and self determination? Where is it?! Being out of a long term relationship made me realize a few things.. but I did not want to fall back into this, this rut. This non-relationship, non-healthy bullshit of a life. She told me that I should be moving on, and God, if I could get her out of my mind I would. I'm stuck. I'm stuck in a world of dizziness and confusion, torn between right and wrong, good and bad, stupid and stupid-er. I chose confusion, wrong, bad, and stupid-er. Yes. My life is going great.