(no subject)
For the past two weeks, I've woken at 6 45, went to work, ate meals whenever possible, slept, and basically lived for dorm crew. Now that I've given my all for this psychotic organization, I feel lost again, as always. In 3 short days, I'll have put SCU behind me and must turn from the purity of manual labor and satisfaction of physical exhaustion to the sanitary counters of a lab bench lied with petri dishes and yeast cultures and a life that is, by now, wholly alien. Frankly, I haven't had need of higher level cognition for about a month and the memory of primer sequences and terminal repeats is about as murky as a damp dusting bucket. I'm scared and I don't know what I want any more; whether it be a promotion to captainship, to continue being a half-hearted premed, or to drop everything and become a farmer in some provincial corner of the earth.
Recently, I have had such a longing for intimacy and yet I often find myself wishing intensely for solitude and silence when I'm talking to someone or engaging in 'social' activity. It's strange, I feel like I'm running on empty.
To be honest though, I don't really know what to make of this year, of the changes that have rooted themselves in my soul.
It just occured to me that in many ways, dorm crew reminds me a lot of CDR but there really is no substitute for Mike and Shep. I'm really starting to love these people and despite the teensy bit of disillusionment about their motives, I do hope I continue feeling this way about them.
I guess at this point, I'm just living the day by day and hoping Fortune will be merciful in her dealings. I'm tired and dehydrated and have indigestion from eating Indian food. I miss home, yet I doubt anything could make me happier than this, minus maybe the existentialist ambivalence.
crappy update, but that's all folks. How y'all doing?
Recently, I have had such a longing for intimacy and yet I often find myself wishing intensely for solitude and silence when I'm talking to someone or engaging in 'social' activity. It's strange, I feel like I'm running on empty.
To be honest though, I don't really know what to make of this year, of the changes that have rooted themselves in my soul.
It just occured to me that in many ways, dorm crew reminds me a lot of CDR but there really is no substitute for Mike and Shep. I'm really starting to love these people and despite the teensy bit of disillusionment about their motives, I do hope I continue feeling this way about them.
I guess at this point, I'm just living the day by day and hoping Fortune will be merciful in her dealings. I'm tired and dehydrated and have indigestion from eating Indian food. I miss home, yet I doubt anything could make me happier than this, minus maybe the existentialist ambivalence.
crappy update, but that's all folks. How y'all doing?