Dont Look Back In Anger...
another day over with and done........and me on my cigarette fast...but im gonna put all that jazz on hold and vent about nicole for a little bit........so i finally get her to start talking to me today....and like a phrophet fore-telling the future i knew no matter what i said she was gonna get pissed off and jump offline before the whole thing was over......Oh and i was right. so she goes and does that over NOTHIN'!! ......she preceived that i must have been being a dick or something and got mad but i in no way tried to instigate any kind of disrespect.....all ive wanted to do is put this bullshit to bed for the past week and shes just steered the fuck clear sayin shes always busy.....which is fucked up cuz she was never to busy to talk to me before....i understand that things are probably stressful over there.....and you know what my IQ is bigger then my shoe size and im a big boy and if you fuckin explain it to me once or twice ill figure it out......the whole thing started cuz she was stressed and i thought she was mad at me or something like that and im all like whats wrong? and shes like nothin...and so i keep probin thinkin somethings up......and thats when we got into it.....and now shes pissed again........you know i understand the concepts of "Space" and shit getting "Stressful" and all that......its my fuckin daily routine......space......and stress........thats me.......but i feel fuckin played....no wait...i feel worse then that......i feel fucked over and betrayed and lied to and a whole bunch of shit which has just spun my ass into a new dimension of pissed off and depressed for the past fucking week.......i took down my fuckin barriers for her and opened up......i intertwined my plans for the future with her....all these things......i feel fucking used and lied to......she told me she loved me and so many other things......yeah well im sorry, i guess my concept of love is just slightly fuckin askew, because i dont think you treat the people you love like this........by pushin them off to the side, avoiding them and refusing to talk things out in a mature fashion amongst other things......and ill probably never her from her again if she ever reads this......i say this post could be a call to sanity a call to peace........she'll probably just freak out and be more upset.....but you know what......i bent over backwards to try to repair the breech between us.......and if this was all it took just to put her off.......well yeah theres your example of devotion right there
and now i know what the rest of you are saying "oh c'mon Ryan, your a fucking prick and we all know it!! you were diving to the bottom of a bottle of Southern comfort the whole time while she was pregnant with the baby......and after warped tour didnt you blow her off and break her heart?".....and yeah thats all true......so i guess i got whats fucking comin to me.....Karma really is a bitch....but i busted my ass to try to make up for all that.....i just wanted to be what she had wanted in the first place.....and by doing so i wasent exactly myself and i think i tried to hard and just burnt the fucking thing out.....all i know is that i love her.....that i understand shes stressed ......and that i never wanted her to be fuckin cheerful all the time.....i just wanted her to be herself and to be open with me......i just wanted.....
SheLooksVixenly6: I miss car rides w/ a radio nazi, I miss chainsmoking w/ a true chainsmoker, I miss your too bright bathroom at 3am, I miss the bruises on the insides of my thighs, I miss the punk rock bbq's, I miss losing myself in you, I miss picking out movies at the video store, I miss sitting under bridges with you, I miss you questioning everything that came out of my mouth not b/c you needed to, but b/c you WANTED to.
SheLooksVixenly6: the stupid stuff you didnt know you liked untill it was gone
i want to bring you here, like now, and show you everything I love b/c I suddenly NEED you to love it with me. and i long for that simple companionship that came so easily for us
thats the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.....and it tears me apart inside and breaks my heart every time i read it....
any parting words? yeah i got a few.......i wish she would have talked to me about this....seriously........if she really ment all she said.....it all could have been figured out and fixed......ill bet everything i own that 90% of all of this was a misunderstanding
well fuck it......she'll probably read all this and never speak to me again but i wanted to get it out.....and get it down so that i could have a clear recollection of it all
my soul feels a little lighter....now i think i will sleep
-R
and now i know what the rest of you are saying "oh c'mon Ryan, your a fucking prick and we all know it!! you were diving to the bottom of a bottle of Southern comfort the whole time while she was pregnant with the baby......and after warped tour didnt you blow her off and break her heart?".....and yeah thats all true......so i guess i got whats fucking comin to me.....Karma really is a bitch....but i busted my ass to try to make up for all that.....i just wanted to be what she had wanted in the first place.....and by doing so i wasent exactly myself and i think i tried to hard and just burnt the fucking thing out.....all i know is that i love her.....that i understand shes stressed ......and that i never wanted her to be fuckin cheerful all the time.....i just wanted her to be herself and to be open with me......i just wanted.....
SheLooksVixenly6: I miss car rides w/ a radio nazi, I miss chainsmoking w/ a true chainsmoker, I miss your too bright bathroom at 3am, I miss the bruises on the insides of my thighs, I miss the punk rock bbq's, I miss losing myself in you, I miss picking out movies at the video store, I miss sitting under bridges with you, I miss you questioning everything that came out of my mouth not b/c you needed to, but b/c you WANTED to.
SheLooksVixenly6: the stupid stuff you didnt know you liked untill it was gone
i want to bring you here, like now, and show you everything I love b/c I suddenly NEED you to love it with me. and i long for that simple companionship that came so easily for us
thats the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.....and it tears me apart inside and breaks my heart every time i read it....
any parting words? yeah i got a few.......i wish she would have talked to me about this....seriously........if she really ment all she said.....it all could have been figured out and fixed......ill bet everything i own that 90% of all of this was a misunderstanding
well fuck it......she'll probably read all this and never speak to me again but i wanted to get it out.....and get it down so that i could have a clear recollection of it all
my soul feels a little lighter....now i think i will sleep
-R