Contradiction is a way of life.......

[identitycrisis3]

well this is me updating my live journal.........i figured it was about due for an update.....maybe just a casual hello to let the world know that i still exsist ( not that i believe anyone really reads my live journal) but in that case maybe its just to get my voice outa my head and down on paper (cyber paper that is)and see if theres any form of catharsis in it....i got up today promptly around 4 P.M. and watched TV till around 6 (had to watch the simpsons of course)and then went around the house and picked up and cleaned a bit....rented some movies and came home and chilled.........and here i am......tomarrow i go back out and start scavaging for applications, get a job on lockdown and save up the rest of my funds and then its time to book.......man it seems to be all i can think about.....moving off to grand rapids that is.....i mean its all laid out and the plan has been set into motion.....im excited....im terrified.....and more or less im just worried that it wont take....but my determination is stonger then any of my doubts....this needs to be done......nikki gives me the impression that i would be a nice addition to the Grand Rapids scene.....i hope so........it would be nice to feel as if i belong for a change.....ive spent too long being the example of what the sub culture in other places is like to those whove never seen it.....i would like to just fade nicely into the backround and relax and enjoy my life for a chance and stop being such a needy bitchy whiny neurotic mess........yeah....that would be cool.....that and i need a new coffee shop to hang at....and i dont think i could ask for a better room mate then Nicci.......maybe its just because we're both intelligent people who are into the same kinda things and ideas or its because in such a short amount of time we've just been beaten and dragged thru hell....and part of it was together......ever time something mildly entertaining happens i wanna call and tell her about it.....(but i realize how incredably annoying this would be and probably stuff that amuses me is totally fucking stupid to the rest of the world.....it dosent take much folks) i will miss my parents.....there another comfort zone......as many headache as they bring about they bring just as much calmness to my life and ill miss josh.....but hes always so busy now anyways i never see him and we dont get time to work on the new matierial anymore so.....what can ya do.....maybe ill be able to start a punk band in grand rapids....that would make me want to dance a jig in the traditional way of my ancestors...... ;) oh well.....Zombie movies to watch by my lonesome....i should get to that.....

Remember......nothing is forever....

"and between the idea and the reality falls the shadow"
-T.S. Elliot