goodbye.
this is not one for those who hate sob stories... though, that's not what i am doing.
i do not believe in love, anymore. i don't believe in relationships or comfort of any sort. things have changed with me since you stormed out of her house. you had a right to be mad, but not to react like that. you say that i would have done the same, no i wouldn't. i would not have gotten on your screen name & talked to the person as you. i would not have yelled & gotten angry with you. especially if you explained the story, as i did, & had a very valid excuse. again, as i did. i was speaking with shawn in order to get my stuff back... in one piece. normally when you're on a bad page with someone who has some of your things you speak with them until you get your stuff back. then you forget they ever existed. i'm wasting my time posting this. you do not care, & i do not think you have for a while now. you hung around for the solid fact that someone loved you with every beat of their heart. you hung around for a home, a friend, & someone to comfort you when you were sad. you didn't appreciate me & i cannot believe i ever thought for one second that i didn't know how to appreciate. because i do, i always have. you're the one who needs to re check the definition of appreciation.
you push buttons. you hurt the people who love you. you, just like myself, are a jealous person. when you said "i am a very jealous boyfriend" when we first started hanging out, i should have walked away. i did not need this. i did not need any of this. any of the arguments, any of the let downs, any of any of this! i'm losing my head. i've already lost my heart. but i will not lose my personality. everything i do now i will do in the future & no one will change that. not a boy, not my parents. no one. i am who i am & i guess that underneath all of this i actually am very happy with myself. sometimes it seems that i'm not, but i am. i don't need anyone to reasure me that i am a good person underneath my flaws. my anger problems & everything included, that's who i am.
i am done with relationships. i am done with love. i'm done with my heart. mainly, i'm done with you. i didn't deserve everything you said yesterday. at all. you run here when you have problems too. you rant & rave about me all the time on here. when is the last time you made an entry about how much you loved me?? it's been a while. honestly it seems you were just there for the let downs. luckily for you, i did that a lot. but don't think for one second that you were not a world of hurt yourself. almost a year ago today i went through this same thing with another guy. two boys in the world have broken me like this. i do not think i will weaken myself to allow it to happen again.
everything is a lie. i'm covering my ears & i am not listening to them anymore.
i'm changing journals. faint_sounds if not, goodbye.
& i'm sorry it had to work out this way.