I strain my eyes and try to tell the difference between shooting stars and satellites...
This is strange... I seem to be updating twice within a three-month period! Within the same week, no less! What is this world coming to?
I seem to be floating tonight... mentally basking in the enveloping warmth of this strange, introspective mix of music I've haphazardly created. I'm burning sandalwood incense, laying on my bed and goddamn, is that the correct form of lay vs. lie? I can never remember. Anyway, I created it on Grooveshark so I can't really share much of the music directly as I don't have it on my computer, but here's a link to a few individual songs:
[This link leads to a box.net folder containing all seven of these songs]
Death Cab for Cutie - Transatlanticism
Death Cab for Cutie - Passenger Seat
Stars - Your Ex-Lover is Dead (Final Fantasy Remix)
Brand New - Jesus Christ
Explosions in the Sky - Remember Me as a Time of Day
Massive Attack - Teardrop
Zero 7 - In the Waiting Line
I don't know exactly what it is, but I just don't feel connected to anything. I've got no destination, no purpose, nothing holding me to what I am and what I should do. I feel like that last song sums it up quite well - "Motion is sweet, nothing is real / Wasting my time in the waiting line / Do you believe in what you see?" I'm just drifting mindlessly through my life right now and I need to get things together. I need to apply to the local community college to take a couple classes this spring and get my application in to MSU for this fall. I need to start figuring out a budget so that I know when and where I can travel in the next few months because above all else, I am fucking going to Costa Rica if it kills me. I dunno when (because it depends on how much money I can make in the shortest period of time) but I need to start deciding very soon. But right now, I'm just... coasting. Waiting to see what happens because I just can't summon up the initiative to do anything. Including cleaning my room. Fuck, my room is a complete mess. Trash everywhere, clothes in piles, boxes covering every bare spot on the floor...
My god, I need to get my shit together.
Well, Thanksgiving wasn't as horrendous as I had expected, mostly because my aunt's heinous stepsons weren't there! The creeper husband was, unfortunately, and he made several very uncomfortable and inappropriate jokes, such as saying in all honesty that he would spank Sara, my dad's girlfriend (a comment that obviously offended Sara but to which my dad didn't grace a response) and asking me all about my dating life, including "how far" I've gotten with guys and what type of guys I'm attracted to.
I really fucking hate that man. And I hate that I've talked to nearly every member of my family and they totally blow me off about it. If it steps beyond that line of simple verbal assumptions on his part, I'm going straight to my aunt and telling him, in front of someone else (because I refuse to be alone with him), exactly how much I loathe him and the fucking inappropriate, offensive things he's said and done. But the rest of my family except my Aunt Barb, who initially wouldn't let me near him when I was younger and didn't totally understand exactly what was going on, but she hasn't been up in a few years. So, basically, if I were to actually address these issues, I would piss off a lot of people. At the moment, I'm merely uncomfortable and pissed off, not threatened, so I'm just going to leave it be. For now.
Ugh, I've disrupted my amazing calm. It was looking to be a wonderful night's sleep and then I got myself all freaked out about a pointless matter, so I'm gonna have to find some more incense to burn and just zone out again. I'm either going to have an amazingly easy day tomorrow or a totally fucking insane day at the hotel... Since I haven't been around very long, I'm not sure if it's typical for people traveling for Thanksgiving to stay through the weekend or if they're all gonna pack up and head out tomorrow. If the first is true, we'll have a very easy day just cleaning stayovers and some expecteds. If the latter is true, I'll be cleaning expecteds all day, which means I'll be hauling ass and completely stressed out about getting my expecteds done on time, since if people clear out, we're gonna get our usual onslaught of weekend business. Sunday's gonna be at least 10 hours, if not more, though they may let us leave some rooms for Monday... Either way, I'll be cleaning until my hands fall off.
Kay, bedtime. Cleaning and another Thanksgiving with my mom's side of the family will keep me very busy indeed.