Life
I'm so sensitive tonight, ever since about 11pm I've been pretty vulnerable to knocks.
It occurred to me a bit ago that there's so many bad things happening all around and no one does anything to stop it. Everybody is engrossed in their own lives that they don't see what's happening.
It's all sex, drugs and urban life until someone realizes how truly fucked up everything is.
Have you ever been through an estate on a bus, looking out the window at the mass of flats and houses, windows and lights? Has it ever occurred to you that inside each of those houses are people, people who have lives that are full of so many different stories to tell? And that there is probably more than one person in that building who also have lives with different stories to the next person. So when you concentrate on that group of people in that house, take away the concentration and look at the whole, think of all the people in the whole world and think of how many different things have happened to them, everyone is unique in this way. Every person you see walking down the street has a background, some stories, something they like, and something they hate and that goes for everyone. I guess I find it hard to accept that that's how it is, it's mind-blowing when I'm going through some rows of houses on the bus or looking out from the train that everyone I'm looking at has so many different things happening in their life, things are completely different to the next person.
Stuff is screwed up.
Sorry if I don't seem up for the party tonight people...
I'm in a mood where I could lie down staring at nothing for hours just working stuff out in my head. I haven't been in a mood like this for a while because things are great right now, it's just that I've been watching some bad stuff happen and it made me think.
I remember when I used to write for hours in this thing about everything I was thinking. I've been so busy recently, there's no time to think about anything, I'm just going where the wind takes me for once. This is an achievement because at one point I hardly had a life because I was scared of making decisions, simply because I know that all these small decisions make massive things happen.
Like deciding to leave Nottingham early in May because I couldn't be bothered with buying that CD.
If I went to buy that CD, which I was going to do... then right now, I wouldn't be in a relationship with Paris, I wouldn't be in love, I wouldn't be the luckiest person alive, I wouldn't feel this amazing, I wouldn't be this happy, I wouldn't have any of this. I would of missed the train that me and her caught, I'd of gone back to Mansfield to drop my stuff off at home and then gone into Kirkby to see Nic. It's fucking scary what a small decision can do to your life. And this is why at one point; I thought twice to go to the fucking shop to buy a chocolate bar because anything could happen. Everything in our lives is caused by the smallest yes or no decision.
Go and buy the CD or not? No. Go and get the train = what is happening now
Go and buy the CD or not? Yes. I love that band and I've been wanting this album for weeks = I don't even want to think about it.
It's 1:35am on a Thursday
Tomorrow is Friday
The day after that is Saturday. I CAN'T WAIT FOR THIS DAY.
It occurred to me a bit ago that there's so many bad things happening all around and no one does anything to stop it. Everybody is engrossed in their own lives that they don't see what's happening.
It's all sex, drugs and urban life until someone realizes how truly fucked up everything is.
Have you ever been through an estate on a bus, looking out the window at the mass of flats and houses, windows and lights? Has it ever occurred to you that inside each of those houses are people, people who have lives that are full of so many different stories to tell? And that there is probably more than one person in that building who also have lives with different stories to the next person. So when you concentrate on that group of people in that house, take away the concentration and look at the whole, think of all the people in the whole world and think of how many different things have happened to them, everyone is unique in this way. Every person you see walking down the street has a background, some stories, something they like, and something they hate and that goes for everyone. I guess I find it hard to accept that that's how it is, it's mind-blowing when I'm going through some rows of houses on the bus or looking out from the train that everyone I'm looking at has so many different things happening in their life, things are completely different to the next person.
Stuff is screwed up.
Sorry if I don't seem up for the party tonight people...
I'm in a mood where I could lie down staring at nothing for hours just working stuff out in my head. I haven't been in a mood like this for a while because things are great right now, it's just that I've been watching some bad stuff happen and it made me think.
I remember when I used to write for hours in this thing about everything I was thinking. I've been so busy recently, there's no time to think about anything, I'm just going where the wind takes me for once. This is an achievement because at one point I hardly had a life because I was scared of making decisions, simply because I know that all these small decisions make massive things happen.
Like deciding to leave Nottingham early in May because I couldn't be bothered with buying that CD.
If I went to buy that CD, which I was going to do... then right now, I wouldn't be in a relationship with Paris, I wouldn't be in love, I wouldn't be the luckiest person alive, I wouldn't feel this amazing, I wouldn't be this happy, I wouldn't have any of this. I would of missed the train that me and her caught, I'd of gone back to Mansfield to drop my stuff off at home and then gone into Kirkby to see Nic. It's fucking scary what a small decision can do to your life. And this is why at one point; I thought twice to go to the fucking shop to buy a chocolate bar because anything could happen. Everything in our lives is caused by the smallest yes or no decision.
Go and buy the CD or not? No. Go and get the train = what is happening now
Go and buy the CD or not? Yes. I love that band and I've been wanting this album for weeks = I don't even want to think about it.
It's 1:35am on a Thursday
Tomorrow is Friday
The day after that is Saturday. I CAN'T WAIT FOR THIS DAY.