Our Peter

Apr 02, 2006 12:15

Story: Our Peter
Rating: Unsure, but it contains a reference to suicide
Setting: Post-HBP
Words: 526
Summary:
The wolf is gone, but Remus still howls.
One-Shot

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Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs belong to JKR.

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It’s hard to describe it… I can’t believe all this. I have Tonks in my life now, and she helps to fill the empty space, although she can never do it completely. But I am the last surviving Marauder. And I mean this in the most literal sense.

Peter. Poor Peter. He was so very weak. I believe he had bravery somewhere in there: the Sorting Hat saw it, and so did I, so did Sirius and James - even if they often could not.

I believe that his courage could have been nourished and blossomed, and I believe that it is, in part, our fault that it did not. If we had not been so patient and, dare I say it, patronising with Peter, we would have forced his bravery to rear its tiny head. If we had not been so keen to protect him, he would have learned to stand up for himself, would have learned that he could be brave and protect us as well as us for him. I hesitate to say it, but after the first few months, we should not have defended him quite so much as we did.

It sounds cruel, and it seemed so at the time. He was our friend, and we could not allow him to be bullied. But in retrospect I think we destroyed the need for his bravery and he remained weak and afraid.

I am not saying he was a poor friend, a weak friend. I am merely saying that he was by no means brave when he turned to Voldemort. For a long time, a very long time, he tried to justify his actions to himself, not even brave enough to admit to himself that he was at fault. Not brave even to allow himself to consider what the repercussions would be, and struck James and Lily from his heart. And when they were dead, he told his heart that they would have gone for self-preservation, although his mind knew that this was not the truth.

Moony. Wormtail. Padfoot. Prongs. Such names, such meanings, such loyalty.

I’m sure there are a few who think that I should treat Harry like a younger James. It cannot be that way. They are different people, and it is ridiculous to think in that way. In looks, yes, in courage and so many other traits, yes, Harry is a part of James. But what makes Harry truly his father’s son is his individuality, for in many ways he is so very different. James was not afraid to stand out, and yet Harry would dearly love to blend in, to lose the attention completely.

I could sit and think all night, but I am tired and my thoughts are dotting around. I need to sleep. The transformation last night was harsh, and I did not know why until I heard the news.

The wolf in me knew. The wolf in me knew that Peter was dead. He knew in his heart what he had done, and he had killed himself.

And the wolf in me mourned, as I do now.

You are sorry, Peter, and I am too.

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Author Notes
Completely unbeta'd, so all errors are mine.

our peter

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