(no subject)

[idance247]

am i looking 4 attention or am i just as pathetic as i feel? every time i write in my lj i have nothing good 2 say. NOTHING!!! im always O boo hoo, my life sux, im depressed. WTF is wrong with me. i say the same thing every time. i just cant get over myself. im not interested in nething. anna talks about how no 1 notices that shes upset. well mayb when sum1 asks u wats wrong 5 times and u say nothing when they no its not true, or when sum1 just no u well eno 2 no when ur upset, and u wont admit u r, they(meaning me) want u 2 cum 2 them. i like it when ppl tell me their problems, its 1 thing i feel i will always b able 2 do, hear ppls problems, b the go 2 grl, n i dont want that 2 stop, but i wish ppl could hear themselves, even if their life does suck. y dont u do sumthin, bcuz my words mean shit if u dont feel it n figure it out 2. n i have no reason 2 b sad. NONE. my life is fine. so y rnt i excited about dance nemore. y does every1 seem 2 care about stuff more than me. y cant i think n feel and care nemore? wathappened 2 me? this isnt even me nemore, im just goin with the flow, bitchin about friends and little problems when i have other things 2 focus on. like wat? the bigger f-ing picture. i dont have enough time 2 figure this out bcuz i have HW! wow, n MCAS , no 1 will give a fuck in a year or even a month, so y do i bother. i could just crawl into a hole n cry 4 a day and it wouldn't b significant a week l8er. i dont even no wat im talking about.ppl exclude other ppl, y? im always excluded, well not really. when i was younger i was always the odd 1 out. the 3rd wheel, n it sucked ass. n the first time in over a year i was truly, deeply excluded, the ny trip with marah n harper. how can u say u didnt. i had a bad day, n u didnt give a fuck i was feeling awful, ur best friend, wtf is that??? i screamed @ kiki cuz that was the first timei was excluded in over a year, n i hate it, i just cant handle it. ugh,. every1 is gonna hate me after this but i dont care. every1s life sux n every1 complains, how do i no, cuz i hear it all, im 1 of the first 2 no. how am i just babbling on like this, sumof this i dont even care about. @ all! like the ny thing or ppl tellin me their problems. i try 2 make ppl notice wat i have 2 say n no 1 listens, or even looks up. I wrote this long, but cheesy letter 2 random ppl from school, basically putting everything that is going on in teenage girls heads, n saying it when every1 else wont. i was so nervous when those letters were sent out but i never heard a word about them, no1 cares. does no 1 care that were just doing stuff and most ppl wont remember our names once we go into high school n get mix in the crowd. well i dont wanna go down like that. i want ppl 2 c me. i want every1 2 remember my name. marilyn monroe (not going that far) bill clinton etc. if the only way 2 b remembered is 2 b infamous then wat am i supposed 2 do? b imfamous? how can ne of us leave a mark??

think about it w/me
em
my title pg,
im lost inside the crowd
its getting loud
i need u 2 c
im screaming 4 u 2 plez
hear me

hear me im crying out
im ready now
turn my world upside
find me

im restless im wild
i fall but i try'
i need sum1 who understands

im lost in my thoughts a
nd baby ive fought 4 all that i got
can u hear me?