Crack! Bottom Draco Strikes Again
A series of crack! fics written by jennavere and I
The Unapologetically!Bottom Draco and Closet!Dom Harry Saga
Rating: R overall
Genre: Crack! fluff/romance
Warnings: adult language/minor author insertion
Disclaimer: I don’t own a thing. It’s all the property of J.K Rowling, and this story is being written for entertainment purposes only. Not a dime is being made.
Part I : Crossing the Great Divide
Part II: To Bottom!Draco and Crack Fics, Eh?
Part III: Knockers Who Knock and Get Knocked in Return
Part IV: Who’s Your Daddy?
Part V:
“Uh oh.” Ida put down her coffee cup and looked at her new arrival in shock. “This has the potential to become a serious disaster. What the bloody fuck are you doing here?”
Draco whimpered. “I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go.”
Ida rolled her eyes. “Honey, you’re supposed to be trapped in a love shack somewhere with Harry. It’s all planned. Down payments were made. You’re not seriously going to let that many galleons worth of deposit go to waste?”
“Harry and I aren’t speaking to each other right now.” Draco huffed and helped himself to a mandarin orange from the bowl. He sniffled as he unwrapped the treat and broke into soft sobs when he broke the peel with a perfectly buffed fingernail.
“Oh fuck no. You’re not doing this again. First there’s a transcontinental row, which don’t get me wrong, it was nice meeting you and making you my petty slave - er, having you as a friend, but then all that bullshit with Preston, and then the complete and total disaster of the engagement thing. You two are getting married. It’s in the cards, there’s NO WAY you can’t be talking to each other! Especially this weekend! Jenn and I had to all set for you. It was a perfectly romantic atmosphere, and Jenn made sure all that kinky shit you guys like would be in place, and then I had the techies from work install cameras-”
“What?” Draco looked puzzled.
Ida slammed a hand over her large mouth and cursed mentally. “Er, nothing eh? It’s just you and Harry are made for each other. There’s no one else out there that matches you so completely. He makes sure you have everything you need!”
“Not everything.” Draco burst into a new round of tears.
Ida gaped. “Wha?! Whawhawhat?!” This was bad news bears. The boy was dating Harry fricken’ Potter. What was there to complain about? “Okay sweetie, back this crack train up, what the hell are you blubbering about?”
“It’s just, that Harry’s old roommate, Jenn? You know her of course. She bought me a subscription to Bottom Baby magazine, and well, I usually don’t read it because it’s a bunch of rubbish, but the other day I found this article.” He hiccupped and gratefully accepted the box of tissues that Ida slid his way. “Anyhow, the article was really interesting, and when I tried to bring it to Harry’s attention, he told me no!”
“Harry denied you something?!” > O_o <
Draco nodded mournfully. “I just wanted our relationship to be healthy. That’s all! But when I showed him the magazine, he just laughed at me and patted my head like he always does. I just don’t get it. I’m not a bloody fucking girl. What’s the big deal if I want to top sometimes?”
Ida sputtered and choked, spurting the huge gulp of liquid she’d just tried to ingest all over the counter, and, unfortunately, Draco’s shiny new jacket (you know, the one Harry had bought for him that came with the idiot strings for his mittens hidden in the lining of the coat so he wouldn’t need to be embarrassed anymore, yeah, that’s the one). “You’re kidding, right? Oh…oh that’s a good one.” She snickered softly while she searched for a rag to clean up her mess.
Draco went all huffy-puffy-chest in indignation. “I don’t believe you! You’re no better than he is!” He wibbled™ as a fresh round of tears started sprouting in his bright grey eyes. “I can’t believe you’re laughing at me. You’re supposed to be my friend!”
Ida choked. “I’m sorry sweetie, but you’re as unapologetically bottom as they come. It’s nothing to be ashamed of! I like you that way.” She shifted her eyes to the red (bat) phone that hung innocently on the wall. She was in deep. Reinforcements might be necessary.
“I am not a little sub!”
“Oh come off it. I’ve heard you mooning over him when you’re pissed off your ass. I must say, I loved the look on Ronald Weasley’s face when you told him you ‘loved it when Harry was so deep inside you, you could feel him in your throat.’ Or when you told Neville Longbottom that your preferred being taken on your back underneath Harry because it had the dual benefit of allowing you to see Harry’s eyes while he took you and then if anyone came in Harry’s ass would also serve as protection for your own. Poor Neville! Jenn told me he needed counseling after that party.”
Draco Malfoy had the grace to blush as he squirmed uncomfortably. It was obvious that that little description had riled him up a bit. “That doesn’t mean I can’t top!”
Ida patted his shoulder gently while she wiped off his jacket. “Of course not sweetie” she lied through her teeth. “But you’re seriously delusional if you think your topping your closet!Dom boyfriend.”
Draco hid his face in his hands. “We’re doomed then. If we can’t be equals….”
“Oh honey, is that what you’re worried about?! Harry doesn’t think any less of you for how you behave between the sheets. Yours is a partnership based on love and mutual respect.”
Draco glared. “And that’s why I came running here the first time then? Because Harry respects my decisions?”
“Harry told me that you’d gotten it in your head to become an internal operative in the Russian Mafia to spy on former Death Eaters. That might not have been so bad, given your background, but when I found out you’d been planning a sex change spell to pose as a woman? As far as I’m concerned, you’re mental, and he was perfectly within his right to lock you up in a padded room.”
“His bedroom?”
Ida leered. “Yeah, well, most people wouldn’t complain.” She started when the red phone rang. “Excuse me, I have to take this.” Draco nodded and stared forlornly at his now heavily mauled orange. Ida picked up the phone. “Hello?”
“Is that little twit there?”
“Where else?”
“He’s in serious danger of winding up with a red ass if he doesn’t get back to Harry soon. You wouldn’t believe the story I was told. The boy wants to TOP!”
“Actually, I don’t think that’s the case. However, there might be a solution.”
“Oh, do tell!”
xxxx
“Oh Harry! Oh! Harder, deeper, oh!”
Harry Potter grunted with effort as he griped Draco’s slim hips and tried to thrust into his baby to achieve the maximum amount of pleasure.
Draco threw his head back in ecstasy and pushed down on Harry’s cock, trying to take him in as deeply as possible.
“Oh! Harry, right there!”
“I’ve got you baby.”
xxxx
Topping from the bottom? Or bottoming from the top: 10 Tips to Maximize Your Bedroom Fun and Drive Your Man Wild
“How’d you know?” Jenn asked through a handful of popcorn as she tossed the magazine back on the coffee table, thankfully not from IKEA. Her eyes jumped back to the full colour Plasma screen complete with surround sound THX speakers.
“Pffft. Please. as if that boy would even consider actually trying to top!”
Jenn nodded. “And top Closet!Dom Harry no less. Well, at least a solution was reached, yes?”
The two women watched in rapt silence as Draco rode Harry into oblivion. From on top, thank you very much.
Pansy Parkinson squeezed into the space on the sofa between them. “Fuck that’s hawt.”
“Uh huh,” came the chorus of replies.
“Hey Pansy, thanks for the collect all sound spell. We couldn’t find any bugs that would pick up sound of this quality.”
“No problem, I was surprised you asked me.”
“Yeah, cause who else would we ask, Ginny Weasley?” The three shared a snort of amusement and then watched with wide eyes as Harry began to spill a new stream of dirty talk on the screen, complete with what they were positive was his own brand of Parselsmut™.
“Oh yeah baby. Ride me, ride daddy. Can you take me? Ssssssss.ssss.ssssss.sssss.ssss”
“Oh daddy! Harder, let me go faster daddy!”
Later when the only thing of interest to look at on the screen was Draco’s cute little toes poking out from beneath the comforter (also not from IKEA. Let’s just say Harry had developed a bit of a problem with the furniture chain, and had shelled out so none of his own flats, those of his friends, or anywhere he was staying came equipped with IKEA-anything.), Ida was picking up empty wine bottles when a stray thought popped into her head. “Hey, is Neville Longbottom still in counseling?”
Jenn chucked. “Actually, he and his counselor discovered a different means of dealing with Neville’s trauma, or so I’d heard.”
“What was that?”
“Dr. Zabini is shagging him on a regular basis.”
O_o “Okay then. So Neville won’t have any problems at the Wedding then, should Draco imbibe more than his share of fire whiskey?”
“Not at all.”
The Unapologetically!Bottom Draco and Closet!Dom Harry Saga
Rating: R overall
Genre: Crack! fluff/romance
Warnings: adult language/minor author insertion
Disclaimer: I don’t own a thing. It’s all the property of J.K Rowling, and this story is being written for entertainment purposes only. Not a dime is being made.
Part I : Crossing the Great Divide
Part II: To Bottom!Draco and Crack Fics, Eh?
Part III: Knockers Who Knock and Get Knocked in Return
Part IV: Who’s Your Daddy?
Part V:
“Uh oh.” Ida put down her coffee cup and looked at her new arrival in shock. “This has the potential to become a serious disaster. What the bloody fuck are you doing here?”
Draco whimpered. “I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go.”
Ida rolled her eyes. “Honey, you’re supposed to be trapped in a love shack somewhere with Harry. It’s all planned. Down payments were made. You’re not seriously going to let that many galleons worth of deposit go to waste?”
“Harry and I aren’t speaking to each other right now.” Draco huffed and helped himself to a mandarin orange from the bowl. He sniffled as he unwrapped the treat and broke into soft sobs when he broke the peel with a perfectly buffed fingernail.
“Oh fuck no. You’re not doing this again. First there’s a transcontinental row, which don’t get me wrong, it was nice meeting you and making you my petty slave - er, having you as a friend, but then all that bullshit with Preston, and then the complete and total disaster of the engagement thing. You two are getting married. It’s in the cards, there’s NO WAY you can’t be talking to each other! Especially this weekend! Jenn and I had to all set for you. It was a perfectly romantic atmosphere, and Jenn made sure all that kinky shit you guys like would be in place, and then I had the techies from work install cameras-”
“What?” Draco looked puzzled.
Ida slammed a hand over her large mouth and cursed mentally. “Er, nothing eh? It’s just you and Harry are made for each other. There’s no one else out there that matches you so completely. He makes sure you have everything you need!”
“Not everything.” Draco burst into a new round of tears.
Ida gaped. “Wha?! Whawhawhat?!” This was bad news bears. The boy was dating Harry fricken’ Potter. What was there to complain about? “Okay sweetie, back this crack train up, what the hell are you blubbering about?”
“It’s just, that Harry’s old roommate, Jenn? You know her of course. She bought me a subscription to Bottom Baby magazine, and well, I usually don’t read it because it’s a bunch of rubbish, but the other day I found this article.” He hiccupped and gratefully accepted the box of tissues that Ida slid his way. “Anyhow, the article was really interesting, and when I tried to bring it to Harry’s attention, he told me no!”
“Harry denied you something?!” > O_o <
Draco nodded mournfully. “I just wanted our relationship to be healthy. That’s all! But when I showed him the magazine, he just laughed at me and patted my head like he always does. I just don’t get it. I’m not a bloody fucking girl. What’s the big deal if I want to top sometimes?”
Ida sputtered and choked, spurting the huge gulp of liquid she’d just tried to ingest all over the counter, and, unfortunately, Draco’s shiny new jacket (you know, the one Harry had bought for him that came with the idiot strings for his mittens hidden in the lining of the coat so he wouldn’t need to be embarrassed anymore, yeah, that’s the one). “You’re kidding, right? Oh…oh that’s a good one.” She snickered softly while she searched for a rag to clean up her mess.
Draco went all huffy-puffy-chest in indignation. “I don’t believe you! You’re no better than he is!” He wibbled™ as a fresh round of tears started sprouting in his bright grey eyes. “I can’t believe you’re laughing at me. You’re supposed to be my friend!”
Ida choked. “I’m sorry sweetie, but you’re as unapologetically bottom as they come. It’s nothing to be ashamed of! I like you that way.” She shifted her eyes to the red (bat) phone that hung innocently on the wall. She was in deep. Reinforcements might be necessary.
“I am not a little sub!”
“Oh come off it. I’ve heard you mooning over him when you’re pissed off your ass. I must say, I loved the look on Ronald Weasley’s face when you told him you ‘loved it when Harry was so deep inside you, you could feel him in your throat.’ Or when you told Neville Longbottom that your preferred being taken on your back underneath Harry because it had the dual benefit of allowing you to see Harry’s eyes while he took you and then if anyone came in Harry’s ass would also serve as protection for your own. Poor Neville! Jenn told me he needed counseling after that party.”
Draco Malfoy had the grace to blush as he squirmed uncomfortably. It was obvious that that little description had riled him up a bit. “That doesn’t mean I can’t top!”
Ida patted his shoulder gently while she wiped off his jacket. “Of course not sweetie” she lied through her teeth. “But you’re seriously delusional if you think your topping your closet!Dom boyfriend.”
Draco hid his face in his hands. “We’re doomed then. If we can’t be equals….”
“Oh honey, is that what you’re worried about?! Harry doesn’t think any less of you for how you behave between the sheets. Yours is a partnership based on love and mutual respect.”
Draco glared. “And that’s why I came running here the first time then? Because Harry respects my decisions?”
“Harry told me that you’d gotten it in your head to become an internal operative in the Russian Mafia to spy on former Death Eaters. That might not have been so bad, given your background, but when I found out you’d been planning a sex change spell to pose as a woman? As far as I’m concerned, you’re mental, and he was perfectly within his right to lock you up in a padded room.”
“His bedroom?”
Ida leered. “Yeah, well, most people wouldn’t complain.” She started when the red phone rang. “Excuse me, I have to take this.” Draco nodded and stared forlornly at his now heavily mauled orange. Ida picked up the phone. “Hello?”
“Is that little twit there?”
“Where else?”
“He’s in serious danger of winding up with a red ass if he doesn’t get back to Harry soon. You wouldn’t believe the story I was told. The boy wants to TOP!”
“Actually, I don’t think that’s the case. However, there might be a solution.”
“Oh, do tell!”
xxxx
“Oh Harry! Oh! Harder, deeper, oh!”
Harry Potter grunted with effort as he griped Draco’s slim hips and tried to thrust into his baby to achieve the maximum amount of pleasure.
Draco threw his head back in ecstasy and pushed down on Harry’s cock, trying to take him in as deeply as possible.
“Oh! Harry, right there!”
“I’ve got you baby.”
xxxx
Topping from the bottom? Or bottoming from the top: 10 Tips to Maximize Your Bedroom Fun and Drive Your Man Wild
“How’d you know?” Jenn asked through a handful of popcorn as she tossed the magazine back on the coffee table, thankfully not from IKEA. Her eyes jumped back to the full colour Plasma screen complete with surround sound THX speakers.
“Pffft. Please. as if that boy would even consider actually trying to top!”
Jenn nodded. “And top Closet!Dom Harry no less. Well, at least a solution was reached, yes?”
The two women watched in rapt silence as Draco rode Harry into oblivion. From on top, thank you very much.
Pansy Parkinson squeezed into the space on the sofa between them. “Fuck that’s hawt.”
“Uh huh,” came the chorus of replies.
“Hey Pansy, thanks for the collect all sound spell. We couldn’t find any bugs that would pick up sound of this quality.”
“No problem, I was surprised you asked me.”
“Yeah, cause who else would we ask, Ginny Weasley?” The three shared a snort of amusement and then watched with wide eyes as Harry began to spill a new stream of dirty talk on the screen, complete with what they were positive was his own brand of Parselsmut™.
“Oh yeah baby. Ride me, ride daddy. Can you take me? Ssssssss.ssss.ssssss.sssss.ssss”
“Oh daddy! Harder, let me go faster daddy!”
Later when the only thing of interest to look at on the screen was Draco’s cute little toes poking out from beneath the comforter (also not from IKEA. Let’s just say Harry had developed a bit of a problem with the furniture chain, and had shelled out so none of his own flats, those of his friends, or anywhere he was staying came equipped with IKEA-anything.), Ida was picking up empty wine bottles when a stray thought popped into her head. “Hey, is Neville Longbottom still in counseling?”
Jenn chucked. “Actually, he and his counselor discovered a different means of dealing with Neville’s trauma, or so I’d heard.”
“What was that?”
“Dr. Zabini is shagging him on a regular basis.”
O_o “Okay then. So Neville won’t have any problems at the Wedding then, should Draco imbibe more than his share of fire whiskey?”
“Not at all.”