(no subject)
so as everyone knows i do not want to be here. like luara came up to me and said 'i heard you were bummed about being here this year'. it's just...camp makes me feel like crap. whenever i'm here i feel like i'm being judged and looked down upon. like i'm psyched for the summer to start because i can't wait to see my girls and my brockton kids again but i have to get through staff week first. the same sentiments are back in my mind tho. i want to be friends with the CITs again but my JC summer i made the choice to hang out with Emily over them and now i can't seem to find my way back to them. i really miss them. like i hate them but at the same time i love them. i hate how the click but i want to be a part of that click. i hate this. camp really wouldn't be that bad if i could just be a part of the CITs of 2k5 like the rest of my CITs. i hate this feeling of being out of place. and to top it all off i'm struggling with how i'm going to approach my 'summer fling'. like it already happened last summer and i want it to happen again this summer but i have no clue as to how i am going to approach this. al;sdjf;aljskd. tonight was fun, i got really excited for brockton and laughed harder than i have in a while but the whole night all i could think about was how i want to be friends with the CITs again. it just sucks and i don't know what to do. i don't want to run away to home, i miss everyone alot but i don't want to run away. i want to fix this but i have no idea how i am going to do so....blah