(no subject)
so my mind has been wandering again. i've pretty much made up my mind on what i'm going to do this summer but it's a really hard decision because no matter what, i lose. but i also win. which ever choice i make will be the right choice- i know it. if i do pcc i know i will have fun and get a new experience. if i do ccl i will have so many new ideas and i will make it an amazing summer as a counselor. so that topic has been tossing around in my mind; it always is...
on another note i don't even know what to do with my life anymore. aaron and i are okay- finally. we talked about how he was treating aly and from that talk also came the talk that him and i never really had but needed to have. but now he's starting to be friends with my home friends and that's okay that he hangs out with us but i don't know how i feel about him staying at brittany's after i've left. aaron has taken so much from me; first her screws me over and puts me through hell, then he comes into the "mel group" and becomes good friends with them so now i don't hang out with them because he drives me crazy when we're at school, then he shoves in my face that he can get girls easily and i can't get guys, now he's moving his way into my juckets.
the only person who i think can truly understand this is erica. erica has been home with me and seen how happy i am with my friends. my juckets are my saviors. the midnight couch club is amazing and i love them all dearly but they don't know, know me. like do they know why i don't drink? like for real, why i don't drink? i don't even think erica knows that one. how about why i'm so shy when i first meet people? there are alot of things in my life that have made me who i am and my juckets know those times. my life is not perfect. alot of crap has happened that truly changed me, and not always for the better.
i just want to go back to that summer...2006...it all started with my first kiss under the stars, with a full moon and the calm sound of the lake. then later on i met him and we sat on jackman's ridge together just watching the night and wanting it never to be over. i look back at those times and they truly seem like a dream and those are the times that make being in reality so hard.
my life is not perfect at camp, but it's close to it. even if i'm fighting with maloof every day and i'm wicked stressed and my campers are demons nothing can bring me down because i am a counselor and i love being around kids. even if the kids are the spawns of satan. i'm still not positive what i'm going to do but if i'm a counselor i've got my whole summer planned out already; from discovery time to the name designs on the door. if i'm coming back, i'm coming back with a HUGE BANG!
on another note i don't even know what to do with my life anymore. aaron and i are okay- finally. we talked about how he was treating aly and from that talk also came the talk that him and i never really had but needed to have. but now he's starting to be friends with my home friends and that's okay that he hangs out with us but i don't know how i feel about him staying at brittany's after i've left. aaron has taken so much from me; first her screws me over and puts me through hell, then he comes into the "mel group" and becomes good friends with them so now i don't hang out with them because he drives me crazy when we're at school, then he shoves in my face that he can get girls easily and i can't get guys, now he's moving his way into my juckets.
the only person who i think can truly understand this is erica. erica has been home with me and seen how happy i am with my friends. my juckets are my saviors. the midnight couch club is amazing and i love them all dearly but they don't know, know me. like do they know why i don't drink? like for real, why i don't drink? i don't even think erica knows that one. how about why i'm so shy when i first meet people? there are alot of things in my life that have made me who i am and my juckets know those times. my life is not perfect. alot of crap has happened that truly changed me, and not always for the better.
i just want to go back to that summer...2006...it all started with my first kiss under the stars, with a full moon and the calm sound of the lake. then later on i met him and we sat on jackman's ridge together just watching the night and wanting it never to be over. i look back at those times and they truly seem like a dream and those are the times that make being in reality so hard.
my life is not perfect at camp, but it's close to it. even if i'm fighting with maloof every day and i'm wicked stressed and my campers are demons nothing can bring me down because i am a counselor and i love being around kids. even if the kids are the spawns of satan. i'm still not positive what i'm going to do but if i'm a counselor i've got my whole summer planned out already; from discovery time to the name designs on the door. if i'm coming back, i'm coming back with a HUGE BANG!