(no subject)

[idamis]

okay so wow, what a week. it was a fun week but at the same time it was just like- mlah. like no matter how good or bad a day goes i always come back to my room and just feel like i don't want to be here. every morning i wake up and i'm like "oh, that's right...i'm in college now..." like i wake up every morning hoping that it was all just a dream like the ones i got during my senior year but this is lagit. i can't let go of the life i had at home...it was so perfect...and now i'm here. don't get me wrong, some of the people i've met here i love dearly but it's like...i miss sarah and lindsy and hk2 and tj and kelsey and i really miss brett. no matter what kind of mood i was in when i got to swim practice i'd leave the pool with a smile on my face because he just always knew how to make things better. i miss the never-ending schedule with long days starting at 7 in the morning and lasting until 8 or 9 at night. i know i say it all the time; how much i miss all the amazing things i had in my senior year but seriously i would give ANYTHING to go back to that. and at that time i had no doubt as to where i wanted to be every summer either. i miss so much going to USA with kevin, kels and tj. going to friendlys with jill and sarah. femmes and S&T with kayla, jill and ally. i miss them so much. i can be myself around them. they know me inside and out. i used to think they didn't but they really do. i'm sick of going to bed every night feeling lonely and having this never ending feeling of sadness.

i've got 3 more years of this...god help me