Fear Me

Apr 16, 2010 22:24

Okay, I've been posting and removing this, but I keep rewriting the intro to this book and I would like a serious critique here. Does it work? Am I losing the reader? Does it grab the reader and make them ask questions? Am I leaving something out that I shouldn't?  Okay, here we go. Please take the time to read it. It's so incomplete but I've worked really hard on it.

Sometimes it is better to leave people in the dark. Truth is not a right of man, but an infectious plague. It passes from one person to the next in aberrance, festering as it grows. Truth has the power to change the world, but the result can be monstrous.
Monsters.
They come in all forms. Some of them even lack a proper form. Forget what you know or think you know. The rules of your world are about to unravel as a spark of genius flashes at least two thousand years your senior (give or take a decade.) Do not bother checking your history books. The past is constantly shifting like grains of sand in an hourglass, each one being covered up by the next; another truth buried and forgotten. You, human, are that grain of sand.
But you are also the hourglass. Each moment of your own life is fragmented and shifting, infinite options, infinite outcomes, swirling in a chaotic maelstrom of semi-moments that come to rest upon the moment that preceded them. And we call this time? What is time? A currency? An expendable commodity? We have so many idioms and hyperbole for an existential idea that is ultimately a farce. Take, for example, the modern incarnation of the hourglass. How many times in a day do you look at the clock hanging on the wall thinking, “It’s a quarter to noon and I need to finish this report born lunch” The hands pass by twelve and you continue to plug away at your mindless, repetitive tasks. Without question you see a circle and perceive it as a straight line. This moment is the same as that moment. This hour is equal to as the next. Each moment in the past is the same as it ever will be for moments to come. The three hands are spinning in a circle, always returning to their point of origin (at least twice a day) and we perceive the same sequence of numbers differently. How can perception be so deceptive?
Let us go back to the hourglass. Each grain of sand that falls is considered lost to time, but the grain is still there. See? I can turn the hourglass over and use it again; all for the purpose of judging how long my eggs should simmer before serving. Only when you see the hourglass as a whole can you see the whole as a truth.
And once again we find ourselves back on the subject of truth. This is a dangerous path you are treading. The keepers of the truth have gone to enormous lengths to protect this world from the truth. Can humans really know the truth? Can they really know the keepers?
Of course, I assume, you would not know a thing about the keepers. Those who have kept the world asleep are equally as adept at masking their own presence. Very few mortals have the unfortunate knowledge of what goes on in the streets below Pittsburgh.

When the sun goes down and the moon shines full
and the rivers flow deeper than the Ohio’s pull.
The darkness envelops the dream seers’ eye,
Monsters below, and castles in the sky.

When you go to bed at night, the sandman sprinkles sand in your eyes to help you fall asleep. Then he whisks away to his castle in the sky on a cloud of dreams. It is an old fairy tale told to children at bedtime. “Fairy tale” may be misleading. There are no fairies involved and, with the entire mythos of this legend being comprised of two sentences, it does not make for much of a tale, either. Since it is the closest man has to knowledge of the truth keepers, Sandman will have to do for a name.
Sandmen, who almost resemble humans, except for their tendency to be taller and thinner, like a man with Marfan syndrome. Their eyes are also a distinctive feature, which are large and purple with no pupil or iris. If you saw a Sandman clad in human attire and eyewear that either masked his eyes or gave the illusion of human eyes, you would probably not think twice about him.
However, a second glance or a short conversation might reveal some truths you were not aware of. Sandmen can speak the tongues of men well enough, but as natural psychics, they prefer to communicate with each other telepathically, which comes in handy when they are out on the hunt. Not that they eat humans, mind you. They are not like the zombies who hunger for feasts of the flesh. The Sandman’s hunger is more cerebral. The brain waves that humans provides nourishment for the Sandman. Each thought that pops into your little brain is a meal for the Sandmen. Have you ever been on the bus and thought of the full proof idea for a prime time drama that that dead end network could not possibly turn down? Then, before you even had the chance to bring the idea to paper the idea is gone. You get off at your stop scratching your head and you never would have noticed the tall fellow in a large trench coat and dark sunglasses who was sitting in the seat behind you the entire trip. He just sat there pretending to read the newspaper as line after wave after wave of Johnny Law is married to Dr Jane Doe passes from your cerebrum to him. As the bus rolls out of sight you catch a smug glimpse of a satisfied sandman who is not only ate well tonight, but also has a new script to pitch to the network this week. This is not always how Sandmen hunt for ideas, but it is helpful to be in populated areas where people are always busy. Humans are so careless with their thoughts, it is no wonder so many of them lose track of them. .
It is difficult to describe the experience of eating thoughts to someone who is limited senses. Maybe I can use one of the five you are familiar with to help you better understand.
Human thoughts are like cheese. It all comes from the same milk; the difference is in the culture. Every culture has its own peculiar way of thinking. Some are mild and others are sharp. Some may even have a touch of spice. But like good cheese, thoughts take a very long time to age properly and the best thoughts are those that are processed in the dark. Fear turns thoughts towards stronger, more pungent flavors. Though I am sure if you asked a Sandman he would probably tell you a different story. Just as one human prefers cottage cheese and another prefers limburger, every sandman has his or her own taste in head cheese.
The exact biology of creatures that process cerebral energy as a food source is still a mystery to this world. Still, if you try to open this page you will find even greater incongruence with your precious universal laws. The vast potential of the mind is an art that the Sandmen mastered millennia ago. The psionic trick every sandman is capable by the time they are able to crawl, is the very feat that has given them their namesake. By holding his breath, the sandman can shift every molecule into a swirling aerial mass not unlike a cyclone of sand. In this “sandform” they can move freely through space at a moderate speed, are immune to most earthly weapons, and can slip through a space no smaller than the eye of a needle. They are still susceptible to the elements in this form.
Sandmen must take care to stay clear of flame and water. Such pure elements are particularly hazardous to the sandman’s biology. Water that is not sufficiently diluted corrodes the creature like acid and most everything in this world is flammable. It is because of this weakness that I have taken to sleep with a glass of water or a lit candle on my nigh stand every night. I would advise this practice if you reside anywhere near a major city. As long as the skies are clear, the sandmen are always on the hunt for the dreams of humans. Doors and locks are nothing to a creature that can pass through a crack in the window and move through you your house nearly undetected.
This is only a taste of what Sandmen are capable of. There are those that exist who can move the masses with a thought if they wished it. Their nature is still very secretive and their society prevents then from revealing their nature to humans or bringing them unwarranted harm.
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