conflicting nature

[id_rather_write]

i wish i knew how to handle contention
ive never had a major falling out with anyone
some friends have faded into the background as others took their place
but there was never any controversy, never any bitterness

i guess it adds up
ive never had a minor battle with anyone
and all those little things that i just let slip by were still there, adding up
i avoided all conflict, and in doing so, spelled my own doom

when things got unpleasant, i would ignore it and hope things would get better on their own
and the funny thing is... most of the time it worked
maybe i got over-confident in the success of my apathy

i didnt realize that conflict is a part of life
and only in dealing with it can people truly grow and find better understanding

i never developed the contentious side of me
and its my fault, dont get me wrong

because i never butted heads with anyone no one found me unpleasant
but no one found me memorable either

i deserved this wake up call
even if i dont understand the immediate cause
i can see the roots
and they lead back to that december night
when i confessed that i wanted to never be hated
and i was told that then id never be loved
i should have listened