crash and burn

[id_rather_write]

everything
this whole year
has led downward
to this convergence
of ideas, thoughts, actions

i put it all off
now im pushing the deadline

maybe ive past it

maybe what ive lost is irretrivable

i think...
but i think too much
theres not enough action

no matter what i write
or think
or plan
it doesnt matter

its the effort
the expression
the finished product

in that category ive been sadly lacking

im a mixture of ambition and procrastination

and im going nowhere
and losing everything i ever really cared about
for what?
a title? a caste? a classification?
for topics of small talk?
for "real life"?

i want to go back
but i cant
theres no rewind on life
no do-overs
im stuck with what i am
what ive done

but maybe i can change

its a dash to the finish line
but maybe i can finish strong
at least then maybe i can look back
and say i tried

im afraid that it may be too little too late