(no subject)
It's really weird being alone. Only me and my thoughts. I've never been this lonely in my life. I could never explain how it feels to come up in my room, give it a quick tidying up just so i wont have to look at a mess, and then sit.. just sit for hours. Nothing to do and no one to talk to. I've never been too keen on speaking. I was always told i was very quiet. But I've never been in a situation where i had not one person to talk to. I have so much on my mind but no one who will listen. I try to get away from my thoughts by talking to other people about this and that. What's bothering THEM.. how THEY feel. What's on THEIR mind. No one every wants to hear what i have to say about myself. Well, that's not entirely true.. there was someone but they're gone now. Once again it was all my fault. If only i had gone through with it. Everything would be different. But that's a whole other sad story. I always feel so uneasy. I don't think there's ever been a time where i was completely comfortable both in body and mind. It's as if i'm always preparing myself for something terrible to happen. Don't get too cozy, Lisa.. It's all going to end. You know, it wouldn't be so bad being stuck with just myself if i enjoyed who i am more. To be perfectly honest i'm not my biggest fan. I wouldn't go as far as to say i hate myself because i don't. I know i have a lot to offer as a person. Perhaps significantly more than the average person.. But i don't bother to use it. I think my immense laziness is the fault of all my "problems".. they're not problems so much as they are inconveniences. I never go after anything and the rare occasions that i do, it never works out. I rather wait for things to fall in my lap. I like to let things happen as they should, undisturbed, uninterrupted.. Maybe that's why i just sit. I'm waiting.
Just be patient.
I must keep reminding myself of this.
"Time is the death and the healing."
Just be patient.
I must keep reminding myself of this.
"Time is the death and the healing."