voicing confusion
so, here i am again. writing about my crazy life since i cant think straight. where do i begin.. lol. lets see, tristen, a friend of mine from high school has been hanging with me lately and ive told him many times that things will never go anywhere between us, but yet he still thinks he has a chance. i dont want to loose him as a friend, but it seems as though he cant just be friends, maybe i should try telling him again. then there's my friend josh. we dated for like a week, then he changed his mind about the long distance relationship thing cuz he was afraid he was going to screw things up between us. i dont blame him, cuz hes a really nice guy, and i think we might actually have a good relationship when he comes back next year. but thats a year away. so it may never happen. my friend bri's guy friend she knows from church's dad just died. so shes feelin his pain. my younger sis is involved in a 29 year old guy who in my opinion is not right for her. but we all learn our lessons the hard way in our family, so i will continue to be here for her when that happens. ahh, young love. anyway, then theres this guy chrisitan. a friend of mine who plays the guitar and is lets say 'really' laid back. i dont think well ever date, because hes so young, but hes around and still wants to hang out with me and chill. then theres this guy matt. met him on a set up double date with bri and another guy. hes really sweet and romantic, but i cant get past the fact that this guy is really dorky and hes got messed up teeth. i know it sounds stuck up or whatever, but to me, straight teeth or not may be a tie breaker, that and bushy eyebrows.. lol. plus he smokes and i cant stand the smell. so who knows what i should do about him. theres another guy, max, who was a room mate of my friend bris ex boy. hes older, and likes me. hes funny as hell, but his job requires him to travel a lot. hes in california right now till the end of the month, then hell be in iraq from late september till february. so thats pretty unstable. at the moment, i kind of feel as though i just want all the guys who like me to stop, and i just want to be alone with nothing to do for a while. im constantly hanging with any one of them, also my friend kharla who i hang out with sometimes and her crew, that i havent mentioned. so my time is pretty much planed out for me. if im not with any of them, im helping my mom in her 5th grade classroom. school starts soon though, so that will give me some time to myself hopefully, and also to sort through all of this twisted madness im in right now. out of all the guys ive met though, i think my favorite is josh. and until i have a real chance with him, i guess ill always wonder. hes a really good guy, just really far away at the moment. he sent me beautiful flowers that matched my room on purpose, and even had seashells in the bottom of the vase, just because i sent him a box of homemade cookies,. lol. hes a lot like me in many ways as well. so hes the one im rootin for our of the madness. its going to be a while till i get my chance though, if i ever get it. lol. so, i guess seeing what else is out there is not a complete waste of time. its just that i have a hard time disappointing people, especially nice guys. i dont do so well turning them down. ill have to work on it i guess... so until next crazy moment, yours truly.