"I LOVE YOU"
i feel like absolute shit. i have no fucking money, half a blunt, and half a pack of stoges. i feel like shit. i have been ready to kill everyone for this whole day. i need to punch someone, any takers? rachel and i started doing it in the hallway but ms warshaw was behind us and was like "stop i'm gay". but whatever, i need to take out my frustration on something, someone. blah, can't wear my angel wings to school on friday cuz they're huge, but if we're still hanging out on friday night i am going to prance around verona wearing them. that will oodles of fun. today i am going to smoke a blunt, might as well finish it off. i am so mad it's absolutely rediculous. i think sarah hates me. sarah? do u hate me? lol. umm, ryan retard is sitting close to me and i don't like it, i'm such a fuckin bitch. i am supposed to be getting my car fixed today which will be good because then i won't be useless to the world. i want to smoke so bad and this period absolutely can't go any slower, i think i'll go do my math homework. yeah maybe i should get my shit together and actually do something in school if i want to amount to anything in this life. i know i never will though, eh i don't care. i'll find someone to take care of me eventually and all will be well. i have work in 2 days, sucks. but then next week we have no school on thursday or friday which will be amazing because rachel and me are going to get bent and drown our sorrows. i wonder if this kid is going to call me this weekend, i want him to. not really though cuz i know i am going to end up using him. well love is a very fickle thing and when it touches my life i drown in it. it's gonna be okay though cuz one day i am going to wake up in my grave and this will be all over. i need a stoge, bad. just smoked one like 15 minutes ago, but need one again. i really hope that i am not going to be stuck living life this way for the rest of my life, like loving someone and not being able to love them the way you want to, so all the people know and accept you for it. that's dipping way too far into the past than i care to talk about but it beautifully haunts my present, my prison. you know how one would wanna die? well i just want to fall asleep and never wake up. the act of dying scares me but not dying, because then, maybe it'll be all over. i yelled at a bunch of freshmen today because they were talking about wearing crazy contacts on halloween and i turned around and was like "shut the fuck up!" they gave me the dirtiest looks and i wanted to gouge their eyes out so they would never look at me that way again. i thought that thinking that was wrong because one day i am fraid that i am going to really do something bad and then suffer the tragic consequences.
"I just wanna believe in us"
"we are entirely smooth, we admit to the truth, we are the best at what we do"
"you like my hands and my forehead, don't you?
"i'm sorry"
"don't be"
those fucking car doors, i fucking hate them. i want time to stop and i want to be able to control people's minds. so many people this year are going to be oompa loompas. gay as hell. you know who's really fat? wendi. ugly biaaatch. i feel ugly today, i think i look like i got into a drastic fight with the lawn mower, and like killed myself...twice. you know what's werid, my purse is 2 different colors cuz i always grab it on one end and that end is a lot darker than the end i don't touch. i need a new purse, and a new face while o'm at it, maybe i'll go to the ugly store later and pick one up.
"i am not your first"
"you are my accident"
these fucking pills and those nervous wrecks. nervous, nervous. half an hour this will all be over.
"commendo spiritum meum" in these dark halls of doom i wait for you to come get me, and i know you never will. you will always know what's inside of me and you can take it all. it doesn't matter because the faster you take it, the faster there will be nothing left, and every breath that i take, i know you will take it away. all of it. faster, faster, breathe deeper. take this breath and i will be expelled from what you made me into.
"there is a first time for everything" we say this
i should really get my pictures developed that were taken before the summer. i had a weird dream last night. i dreamt that i was in my old school in california and i went out to the play ground and all these people were there that were my freinds. empty. but they were not my friends but i knew they were, it was weird. anyway, i walk up tp this girl and her face starts coming off and all of a sudden all these people start having melted faces and they all turn into the people i know. and i am in FN all of a sudden and i am standing there with sarah and it is mad windy and she's trying to light a cigarette, and she can't so she turns to me and says "you know this life doesn't work for you right?" and i said "what should i do" and she leaves. so that was odd. thats why i asked earlier if she hated me cuz she was so pissed of at me when she said it.
"I know i'll never really be able to have you and i realize that now"
"do you realize it, DO YOU?"
ok well i'm gonna go, oh and by the way
i was just typing all that came into my head for the past 40 minutes, just random shit.
"I just wanna believe in us"
"we are entirely smooth, we admit to the truth, we are the best at what we do"
"you like my hands and my forehead, don't you?
"i'm sorry"
"don't be"
those fucking car doors, i fucking hate them. i want time to stop and i want to be able to control people's minds. so many people this year are going to be oompa loompas. gay as hell. you know who's really fat? wendi. ugly biaaatch. i feel ugly today, i think i look like i got into a drastic fight with the lawn mower, and like killed myself...twice. you know what's werid, my purse is 2 different colors cuz i always grab it on one end and that end is a lot darker than the end i don't touch. i need a new purse, and a new face while o'm at it, maybe i'll go to the ugly store later and pick one up.
"i am not your first"
"you are my accident"
these fucking pills and those nervous wrecks. nervous, nervous. half an hour this will all be over.
"commendo spiritum meum" in these dark halls of doom i wait for you to come get me, and i know you never will. you will always know what's inside of me and you can take it all. it doesn't matter because the faster you take it, the faster there will be nothing left, and every breath that i take, i know you will take it away. all of it. faster, faster, breathe deeper. take this breath and i will be expelled from what you made me into.
"there is a first time for everything" we say this
i should really get my pictures developed that were taken before the summer. i had a weird dream last night. i dreamt that i was in my old school in california and i went out to the play ground and all these people were there that were my freinds. empty. but they were not my friends but i knew they were, it was weird. anyway, i walk up tp this girl and her face starts coming off and all of a sudden all these people start having melted faces and they all turn into the people i know. and i am in FN all of a sudden and i am standing there with sarah and it is mad windy and she's trying to light a cigarette, and she can't so she turns to me and says "you know this life doesn't work for you right?" and i said "what should i do" and she leaves. so that was odd. thats why i asked earlier if she hated me cuz she was so pissed of at me when she said it.
"I know i'll never really be able to have you and i realize that now"
"do you realize it, DO YOU?"
ok well i'm gonna go, oh and by the way
i was just typing all that came into my head for the past 40 minutes, just random shit.