Real Nightmare
It has been a long time since I was so afraid to sleep. I think the last time was with Ryan right before leaving indy.
I wouldnt say it is coming back like it was before. But this dream I had last night has sobered me up from a completely drunken stupor at 6am after stumbling home at 1am.
They say that your biggest frustrations with people are problems that you possess yourself. However, I feel this dream was just the culmination of my biggest fear. And I am learning that ~more and more that is the Blind free will of others. i.e. When you are doing something or fighting so hard for something that you can't see how destructive it is on someone. When tensions reach beyond the point of healthy discussion to solve the problems. Damn I sound so liberal :)
Basically in the dream... I was organizing an event for the International Woman's Club here in Bratislava. (just like in real life) I got into an argument over one of the details about this event. Only in my dream, instead of just walking away, I fought with this woman, and I was pretty stern... and I got other women involved in the argument. Now the real life argument I had was over colored tissue paper. (hense the ridiculousness of this whole dream situation).
ANyway. THe continuation of my dream culminates in my being Black listed. I couldnt eat in Restaurants in Bratislava, I couldnt ride the bus, I couldnt have the friends I used to have in the club or out of the club, because EVERYONE took this womans side and basically ostracized me from the Bratislava. It painted the example of *You dont know who you are dealing with until you piss off the wrong person... *and you may never know who that is, until it is too late. ***
Now in my dream. I didnt want to appalogize over tissue paper. It totally went against my morals. However I was trying to ride the public bus, and the driver almost killed me... Literally it all reached the point where everone just wanted me dead... and if looks could kill I would have died a million times over in that dream.
My emotional roller coaster went from absolute self assurance that I was right... to Okay they will get over it and I will just be the taboo christmas bazaar bitch, but they'll get over it.... to oh my god people want me DEAD over this!
I just woke up with this creator in my chest. I couldnt breath... I immediately Texted Zwiro.... and he is so sweet that he called me... after being totally drunk himself to make sure I was okay.
He is a million bucks.
I guess the physical pain from my dream is subsiding. I am ready to shower and start my day.... I guess I haven't even updated my life too much... other than...
I am in Bratislava
I am in love with a WONDERFUL man who happens to be slovak...and that is really exciting in our relationship... But we also understand each other... and we make up for what the other person may be lacking a little. I mean I have never really been one to believe in Soul mates... and I still dont, but I do believe that you can find someone that fits with you so well that you both understand what it takes to have a happy successful relationship. Full of responsibility and happiness. Balance. Respect. Fun. ROmance.... *swoon
I am really happy that I have him... and even though were are both dirt poor right now. I dont care. I respect him... and I can't wait until we can live together....
Yaaaaay!
~End Scene~