when your heart is on fire
it's so weird but tonight i realized how hard next year is going to be.. so fucking hard. for some reason i didn't see him around tonight, i got this panicky, sad feeling and i felt like i needed to see him and hear his voice and talk to him and look at him immediately. but next year, it will be like this 90% of the time and i am going to have to deal with that. and when i see him it won't be here, at all. i can't ever talk to him at snack or sit on the front lawn or walk to classes together or stand in the breezeway or eat lunch with him or chill in the library or play catch on the front lawn or play basketball or be with him.. here. and i need to accept that and still have an amazing time next year because i am going to be a senior and i can't let this relationship take away from that experience. but i just don't know how i am going to deal next year if i can't even deal with tonight.
.. and i'm going to be a senior in 6 weeks. HOW????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!