I have to say I'm disappointed you're keeping love secrets... Yes, they make people smile. The people they praise. The rest of us is either bored or jealous. There's more and more of them each week too, and I'm a bit afraid iconsecrets is slowly turning into a Mutual Appreciation Society for a Small Group of Elite Makers Who Are Friends with Each Other. Since people outside a certain friends circle hardly ever get mentioned...
I'm so glad someone has finally said it! Love secrets generate so much negative feelings because people who weren't mentioned are jealous. If the same people get praised over and over and over (case in point - Sari got mentioned 4 times in the last post, all in love secrets), the jealousy and discontent escalate into wank and personal attacks.
You mentioned being open to opinions from members - and this seems to be a pretty common opinion, judging by the comments in the last few secrets posts. Yes, these opinions are usually expressed in anonymous comments, but there's a good reason for that, I think - the most outspoken/well-connected (meaning: with many similarly elite friends) 'elite' makers are all for love secrets because they get mentioned often, and no one wants to cross them in fear of being shunned or ignored. So please, consider opening this up for discussion, or maybe make a poll (with hidden voters)?
If you can't be happy for other people, then that's your own issue. If you're bored, just skip it. Did that hurt you, somehow?
I am not a member of that circle of friends, and I have made praise secrets. It has to do with talent, not the circle. If you feel people aren't being praised because they're outside of that circle, praise them yourself and stop complaining about it.
God - I mean, I know it's the internet and all, but I can't believe people are complaining about people being too nice. If you want nastiness, go to an OTND community.
But the thing is though, "secrets" saying "I want to be this persons friend in RL", "this person is always so happy and cheery, ILU BB" has NOTHING to do with icon making talent AT ALL, and we see secrets like these all the time here. So don't come here and say that every love/praise secrets in this community as to do with talent only, because that is just not true.
And also, Since people outside a certain friends circle hardly know the people mentioned or know what the secrets is about, since the secrets are very "you have to know the person to get it"For example in this post you mention "Cece"? Who is that? I had to read the post a few times to get that you're talking about the person who own this comm. Why not just use the username so everyone can see clearly who you're talking about
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ITA about your last sentence. Negative secrets aren't allowed but yet, negative comments will stem in response to the secrets (I mean all kinds of secrets, not just the love ones).
I wasn't around for the wank in the last post but I have to agree with a number of points made in this comment. Firstly, the use of people's actual names is really off-putting and makes me feel like such an outsider because I have no idea who the hell people are talking about. It makes this community feel non-inclusive. Secondly, I also agree that 'love secrets' should be banned on the basis of how is it actually classed as a secret that someone loves an elite (and let's face it they always are) maker? They're elite for a reason - because they're bloody brilliant. Also, I would bet lots of money that the person who made the secret is on their flist or follows their comm and comments regularly. Therefore, not an actual secret. An actual secret would be if, for example, I liked a maker who NO ONE else did because their style is so 2007 or something along those lines; almost like a guilty pleasure.
I concur. Get rid of hate secrets. Get rid of praise secrets. Problem solved. iconpraise isn't going anywhere, by the looks of it. I'm sure the mods there are more than willing for people to post their praises there.
I honestly believe there is no other way. The rules say that personal attacks aren't allowed and people who participate in such things will be banned. So people go anon when they want to attack someone. The mod can't ban/stop them as she doesn't know their real identity. And she can't delete their comments because then she'd be labeled as biased and one-sided. The wank stops as the week progresses and continues again the following week when another praise secret is posted.
It's funny, I never had anything against love secrets in the beginning, but all the wank/negativity/more and more secrets being made about circle jerk and stroking egos is getting old and really annoying. I think if praise secrets were thrown out the window, all this hate would go away with them.
But that's really not the point. Negative responses to secrets is to be expected but it's about providing a fair space of discussion. There is already a courtesy rule about being polite in our responses, even if we don't agree, but allowing only praise secrets sends a clear message that only certain opinions are allowed, despite saying different opinions are valued.
Which is why getting rid of praise secrets altogether could remedy that. The wank is response to the fact that personal attacks aren't allowed, so people dodge the rule in clever ways, but inevitably still manages to be found out and also due to the praise secrets. If you ban both, at least other drama wouldn't solely about the individuals.
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I'm so glad someone has finally said it! Love secrets generate so much negative feelings because people who weren't mentioned are jealous. If the same people get praised over and over and over (case in point - Sari got mentioned 4 times in the last post, all in love secrets), the jealousy and discontent escalate into wank and personal attacks.
You mentioned being open to opinions from members - and this seems to be a pretty common opinion, judging by the comments in the last few secrets posts. Yes, these opinions are usually expressed in anonymous comments, but there's a good reason for that, I think - the most outspoken/well-connected (meaning: with many similarly elite friends) 'elite' makers are all for love secrets because they get mentioned often, and no one wants to cross them in fear of being shunned or ignored. So please, consider opening this up for discussion, or maybe make a poll (with hidden voters)?
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I am not a member of that circle of friends, and I have made praise secrets. It has to do with talent, not the circle. If you feel people aren't being praised because they're outside of that circle, praise them yourself and stop complaining about it.
God - I mean, I know it's the internet and all, but I can't believe people are complaining about people being too nice. If you want nastiness, go to an OTND community.
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But the thing is though, "secrets" saying "I want to be this persons friend in RL", "this person is always so happy and cheery, ILU BB" has NOTHING to do with icon making talent AT ALL, and we see secrets like these all the time here. So don't come here and say that every love/praise secrets in this community as to do with talent only, because that is just not true.
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And also, Since people outside a certain friends circle hardly know the people mentioned or know what the secrets is about, since the secrets are very "you have to know the person to get it"For example in this post you mention "Cece"? Who is that? I had to read the post a few times to get that you're talking about the person who own this comm. Why not just use the username so everyone can see clearly who you're talking about ( ... )
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I honestly believe there is no other way. The rules say that personal attacks aren't allowed and people who participate in such things will be banned. So people go anon when they want to attack someone. The mod can't ban/stop them as she doesn't know their real identity. And she can't delete their comments because then she'd be labeled as biased and one-sided. The wank stops as the week progresses and continues again the following week when another praise secret is posted.
It's funny, I never had anything against love secrets in the beginning, but all the wank/negativity/more and more secrets being made about circle jerk and stroking egos is getting old and really annoying. I think if praise secrets were thrown out the window, all this hate would go away with them.
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I agree with every single word written in this comment.
It's a really simple solution too and IMO a small sacrifice to get rid of the hate.
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