Tour de Force
You know what hurts me the most at the end of the day?
The fact that I tried so hard to build a lifestyle and couldnt make it work. The basic fact that trying my best to be at the top, but in the end just being down at the bottom. If they cant comprehend that, then they should take their eyeballs out their asses and really face the fact that if I came to this kinda conclusion- I was doing it for myself. The one person that I need to please at the end of the day.
I've accomplished a lot over the past few years after high school. There where my highs and my extreme lows that i'll admit. Each time I somehow pulled myself together and dredged onwards. I put the past into boxes that where never to be opened EVER.
When I finished highschool, I was ontop. I was working a job that allowed me to be creative and not a day went by when I was told that I was the best person to walk in there in some time. That day came though. The day where I only had a couple dollars to my name with a shiney new car in my palms. I needed money. That job quickly went nowhere when the industry froze because nobody had catered events during the summer. I quickly went from being ontop to an all time low. At that same time a group of new friends came into my life. That gave me strength to go back to my old and current job.
Sure I felt like I was crawling though a little hole on the floor of shame to get that job back, but what ripped me inside was that I was making half of what I made at Rizzo's. Pushing that behind myself, I carried on and set myself to prove that I could do that job better than everyone. So day in and day out of blood sweat and tears, I did it. I was still going nowhere financialy.
Sat on that little sidewalk illuminated with flickering neon signs sat a easy answser to my problem. Domino's. I figured hell, if all my friends are working there- this job would be a trip! Just like that I was hired. Just like that I had no free time and I was working every hour of the day without a day off in most cases. It slowly began to break my heart to watch my friends leave in the evening to go to places and enjoy themselves and instead I had to work late night and then with two hours of sleep run the show at my other job. The money was great though. At the time thats what seemed what mattered. That was my world.
It took nearly a year for that all to seep in with my other job that I was misserable. Then in the summer of 2002 my boss told me to dump Domino's and in return he would take care of me. I still have yet to be "taken care of".
With all that endless hours of work behind me, I suddenly found all this great free time. I really wanted to enjoy life for a change. So, I started a search for a relationship. It wasnt really all that hard of a task to find someone, but rather trying to find someone that I could stand. There where trial and errors, and some that really touched my heart. The one thing that did kill me was the repedative outcomes. No offense to anyone who is reading this, but it is fact that I have delt with. Each relationship that I charished, the female went back to her ex boyfriend. Now that actually happened on numerous accounts, more than two times atleast. Its just not untill the past couple weeks that I can just look back and really laugh about it all. Sure its a shame, but damn I must really like things I cant have!! Just another life lesson out of the possible millions still yet to be learned.
I was constantly in and out of flings almost every month. If I wasnt in them, I was destroying them. I never had false intention, but I just wanted to find a kind of person that I wanted. Someone that I could share happy moments with and do things that only I would do if I was compelled by another. Is it really necesary though? I some cases I was loosing track of who I was and not watching my steps and heading for quick dissaster. All in all most have still retained contact with me and I have no intention of stopping it when someone makes an effort to keep in touch.
It was in June of this year that everything seemed to change. I became smarter. It was almost as if all that beer had made a little part of my brain grow that controlled destiny. The realization that no, you cant live in the past and you cannot live in the future either. You really live this day, hour, and second. And if for that second, hour, or day I am not happy with what I am doing then something has to change. *Change* what a god send. Because at the end of the day, you shouldnt be hurt. Nobody said it was easy.
-----If you managed to read through this, I thank you. Its sometimes when I put my life down on paper that I realise my faults and grow from them. Besides that, this is a time where I learned a lot and became the person I am today.----
The fact that I tried so hard to build a lifestyle and couldnt make it work. The basic fact that trying my best to be at the top, but in the end just being down at the bottom. If they cant comprehend that, then they should take their eyeballs out their asses and really face the fact that if I came to this kinda conclusion- I was doing it for myself. The one person that I need to please at the end of the day.
I've accomplished a lot over the past few years after high school. There where my highs and my extreme lows that i'll admit. Each time I somehow pulled myself together and dredged onwards. I put the past into boxes that where never to be opened EVER.
When I finished highschool, I was ontop. I was working a job that allowed me to be creative and not a day went by when I was told that I was the best person to walk in there in some time. That day came though. The day where I only had a couple dollars to my name with a shiney new car in my palms. I needed money. That job quickly went nowhere when the industry froze because nobody had catered events during the summer. I quickly went from being ontop to an all time low. At that same time a group of new friends came into my life. That gave me strength to go back to my old and current job.
Sure I felt like I was crawling though a little hole on the floor of shame to get that job back, but what ripped me inside was that I was making half of what I made at Rizzo's. Pushing that behind myself, I carried on and set myself to prove that I could do that job better than everyone. So day in and day out of blood sweat and tears, I did it. I was still going nowhere financialy.
Sat on that little sidewalk illuminated with flickering neon signs sat a easy answser to my problem. Domino's. I figured hell, if all my friends are working there- this job would be a trip! Just like that I was hired. Just like that I had no free time and I was working every hour of the day without a day off in most cases. It slowly began to break my heart to watch my friends leave in the evening to go to places and enjoy themselves and instead I had to work late night and then with two hours of sleep run the show at my other job. The money was great though. At the time thats what seemed what mattered. That was my world.
It took nearly a year for that all to seep in with my other job that I was misserable. Then in the summer of 2002 my boss told me to dump Domino's and in return he would take care of me. I still have yet to be "taken care of".
With all that endless hours of work behind me, I suddenly found all this great free time. I really wanted to enjoy life for a change. So, I started a search for a relationship. It wasnt really all that hard of a task to find someone, but rather trying to find someone that I could stand. There where trial and errors, and some that really touched my heart. The one thing that did kill me was the repedative outcomes. No offense to anyone who is reading this, but it is fact that I have delt with. Each relationship that I charished, the female went back to her ex boyfriend. Now that actually happened on numerous accounts, more than two times atleast. Its just not untill the past couple weeks that I can just look back and really laugh about it all. Sure its a shame, but damn I must really like things I cant have!! Just another life lesson out of the possible millions still yet to be learned.
I was constantly in and out of flings almost every month. If I wasnt in them, I was destroying them. I never had false intention, but I just wanted to find a kind of person that I wanted. Someone that I could share happy moments with and do things that only I would do if I was compelled by another. Is it really necesary though? I some cases I was loosing track of who I was and not watching my steps and heading for quick dissaster. All in all most have still retained contact with me and I have no intention of stopping it when someone makes an effort to keep in touch.
It was in June of this year that everything seemed to change. I became smarter. It was almost as if all that beer had made a little part of my brain grow that controlled destiny. The realization that no, you cant live in the past and you cannot live in the future either. You really live this day, hour, and second. And if for that second, hour, or day I am not happy with what I am doing then something has to change. *Change* what a god send. Because at the end of the day, you shouldnt be hurt. Nobody said it was easy.
-----If you managed to read through this, I thank you. Its sometimes when I put my life down on paper that I realise my faults and grow from them. Besides that, this is a time where I learned a lot and became the person I am today.----