"Hi, I'm 'John The Gentile'! How the hell are ya?"
So, I flew back into Appleton this afternoon...with a headache that made me wonder if I was about to suffer an aneurysm. I always seem to get awful sinus headaches when I fly. I'm not really sure why. What I am sure of is that those headaches can suck a big fat hairy dick.
Ok, back to the story.
I fly in and give my friend who has been taking care of my fish and watering my tree a call to make sure that he indeed left the key on the counter in my kitchen and just left the door open.
Of course he didn't.
Not only that, but he was in Chicago.
(ruh-roh, shaggy)
So, I decided to make a rare trip to starbucks to kill time and maybe get something accomplished.
At starbucks, an individual was working that's probably one of my 5 least favorite people in the fox valley. When you're one of the handful of jewish families in the area, I'm sure your heritage is a point of pride...but this dude...I think he has stars of david on his underwear and bedsheets. Religion is good and healthy, but this kid treats the Jews like they're a goddamn hockey team.
"Did you see the jews/catholics hockey game last night? The catholics are good, but what egoes! The center thinks he can walk on water. He had some kind of hispanic name..."
Anyhow, I don't think he recognized me...which is good. I had any number of good comebacks ready.
So, I did a little bit of work on my trusty laptop...but here I am. Starbucks. Bored.
I should be amused by the non-stop parade of teeny-boppers, freaky Larry U. students (sorry Debi/Carly!), new-age muzak, and people on a higher intellectual plane who just take it all in and spit out razor-sharp commentary on the whole thing.
Oh, wait. I'm the only one of those.
I'm going to go see if I can get my drink lid sharp enough to slit my wrists so I don't have to take another goddamn minute of this place.
--john
Ok, back to the story.
I fly in and give my friend who has been taking care of my fish and watering my tree a call to make sure that he indeed left the key on the counter in my kitchen and just left the door open.
Of course he didn't.
Not only that, but he was in Chicago.
(ruh-roh, shaggy)
So, I decided to make a rare trip to starbucks to kill time and maybe get something accomplished.
At starbucks, an individual was working that's probably one of my 5 least favorite people in the fox valley. When you're one of the handful of jewish families in the area, I'm sure your heritage is a point of pride...but this dude...I think he has stars of david on his underwear and bedsheets. Religion is good and healthy, but this kid treats the Jews like they're a goddamn hockey team.
"Did you see the jews/catholics hockey game last night? The catholics are good, but what egoes! The center thinks he can walk on water. He had some kind of hispanic name..."
Anyhow, I don't think he recognized me...which is good. I had any number of good comebacks ready.
So, I did a little bit of work on my trusty laptop...but here I am. Starbucks. Bored.
I should be amused by the non-stop parade of teeny-boppers, freaky Larry U. students (sorry Debi/Carly!), new-age muzak, and people on a higher intellectual plane who just take it all in and spit out razor-sharp commentary on the whole thing.
Oh, wait. I'm the only one of those.
I'm going to go see if I can get my drink lid sharp enough to slit my wrists so I don't have to take another goddamn minute of this place.
--john