(no subject)

[iclhumanside]

Either there's something wrong with me that I'm not seeing, or there's something wrong with everyone else right now. Generally, it would seem like the former would be true given that it's more likely than the latter, but I truly believe that it's everyone else. Over the past week or so, no fewer than five of my friends have seemed off; different. It could be that people are stressed out with their schoolwork while I'm coasting through a light workload this semester. But it doesn't seem entirely of that nature. It's almost as if people have turned against me, and there's some sort of conspiracy of secrets being kept from me. And they aren't good secrets like surprise birthday presents or parties. Something is definitely off. I'm used to being able to read people better than this, and maybe that's the problem: I can't do that as well as I used to. Or there's something about these people that I can't "feel" for some reason or another. Perhaps they don't want me to. I walked outside tonight surrounded in a literal and figurative fog of what was going on in the world around me. In any case, the amount of free time that I've had lately and this strange "outsiderness" that I've been feeling has helped me to think my way through a lot of poetry and narratives. Writing seems to be the only thing of importance that I've done recently. I exist in front of my computer or in front of a pad of paper. It's helped me to be a lot more aware of the strengths and weaknesses in my writing. With more careful study of others' techniques, I feel like I'll be ready to start publishing something (though I don't know what genre) in a year or two.

If I can, I'll be one of the youngest writers of the contemporary era, but I believe in myself enough to accomplish it.