(no subject)
I don't care if this entry/the order doesn't make any sense to you. I'm typing as I think and it makes sense to me, that's enough. I'm "registering" all this memories/thoughts I have.
Mom took me all the way up to Wisconsin, well... she was in Wisconsin only for a day. We spent a week at Minneapolis, we basically lived in the mall for 4 days, which in the end, was fun. I spent some quality time with mom and I enjoyed it. Mom doesn't really speak/understand much english, so I had to do all the talking, I didn't mind, I felt I was taking care of her in a way.
Anyway, when we (Vann and me) had to leave her at the hotel (because she had to catch the airplane early on Monday), I didn't really feel bad. I mean, she cried, because I was leaving home for the first time ever in my life (well, I lived 2 months in a different state, but that doesn't count) plus I was moving to a different country. It was not like she could drive and see me whenever she wanted, this time was different, I was about to make a big change in my life. To be honest, I had a big smile on my face when we left after leaving mom at the hotel, not because I left her, because it was the first step to something big for me/in my life.
I remember mom saying "You are living in a dream, aren't you?" when we arrived to where I currently live. I said "Yes, I am, and I am enjoying it so much, so just let me dream for a while more" To my surprise, the dream faded away.... the first two weeks were hell for me. I'm being honest. I prayed so much for God to take me out of here as soon as possible. I remember waking up one night, while Vann was still up, I was crying and told him to please take be back to Minneapolis, to the airport. He asked me why I wanted to go back, so I said "Because you are mean to me" and he was (I'll explain later). He didn't seem to like the idea and he was trying to convince me to stay, or at least I want to think that. I guess he just saw me so sad that he said "Ok, if you want to go, I'll take you". It was Monday, and the only days he can drive me there are either Saturdays or Sundays because it's about 2 hours from here and he has to work. I went back to bed, crying of course. He went to my room a lil later, we had a lil convo about all this and what was happening. I guess God wanted me to stay here because... I'm still here. Vann is being nicer to me, which I really appreciate (I know you are reading this). We are trying to "figure each other out" and I think we are doing it fine. We don't fight that much anymore. I've never lived with a guy before, never. I never met my dad and I've lived only with my mom all my life, so I assume it is part of what causes the fights,plus we are "getting used to each other"
Whenever we have walks on the snow, I really really enjoy it, even if these are short and I freeze outside because I'm not used to snow. I love how we have snowball fights, however, he always kicks my ass. The place is so beautiful it makes these even better. I wish I could resist super low temperatures, so that I could live outside. Will never happen.
Vann is not my boyfriend, he's my best friend. I'm too scared of asking him for a hug or kissing him on the cheek.
Vann started teaching me stuff about religion and I like it, however, it scares me at the same time. Sometimes we pray together, well, we've done it only three times and I've feelt weird, yet good whenever we do so. I'm learning so much from him, not only about religion.
To be honest, I don't miss anyone from my family, I don't know if it will be like this all the time, something tells me it won't. Maybe because I chat with my mom daily and she fills me up, I don't know. I'm loving everything here, I'm getting used to everything. I'm still scared of speaking in english, but I'm working on it. I'm learning how to live a new life...
Kelly Clarkson - Breakaway is my song.