H/D fic: You Set Fire to the Rain--Part 7
Author: icicle33
Title: You Set Fire to the Rain
Characters/Pairings: Harry/Draco, past Harry/Ginny, Ron/Hermione, Andromeda and Teddy
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the other works that I refer to in this story. Please don’t sue me.
Warnings: For a full list of warnings refer to part 1. For this part, there are mentions of vomit for the extremely squeamish
Word count: ~ 3000 (for this part)
Summary: After the war, Harry cannot handle the overbearing press and needs to get away. He decides to spend the summer with Andromeda and Teddy in France. When Malfoy shows up too, things get complicated. “Slowly, you were becoming my world, my reason for existence; and yet, I wasn’t even a blotch, not even an insignificant speck in the universe of Draco Malfoy.”
A/N: A big thank you to my lovely betas: ashiiblack and erised_dreams. You ladies are awesome. ♥
Go Back to Parts 1-2 Parts 3-4 Parts 5-6
: :Seven: :
“Lies and secrets, they are like a cancer in the soul. They eat away what is good and leave only destruction behind.” ~CC7
: : :
That night I slept better than I had in a long time.
When I woke the next morning, I felt the sun beating down on me, piercing through the sheer silver curtains that Andromeda had chosen to adorn my room. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that as lovely as the curtains were, they did a shit job at keeping out the sun. Usually, it wasn’t a problem because I was an early riser, but that day the hot and heavy scorching of the sun told me it was much later in the day. It was half past noon when I roused that afternoon, almost thirteen days since I had found you bruised and beaten at Malfoy Manor. I could tell that something felt different; there was a fierce energy in the air, crackling from behind the door and across the hall, radiating in small waves from what I knew to be your room. Every cell in my body vibrated as if trying to pull me towards you. Even today, I can’t understand it, but somehow I knew that you were awake.
I ran into the hallway and almost trampled Andromeda whose face was lit up like a Christmas tree, beaming at me with that dazzling, radiating smile of hers, and I knew that it was true. She just nodded at me poignantly and said, “Harry, it’s finally soon.”
I knew what she meant and I could feel her jubilation and relief that you were awake, alive. Yet, rather than returning that joyous feeling, her triumphant smile, I felt my stomach twisting into wrenching knots, sour bile ramming its way up my oesophagus. And although I was able to push it back down and not be sick all over the carpet, I ran right past Andromeda and locked myself in the closet bathroom. I banged my head against the vanity mirror and attempted to relax, to take deep breaths and regain my composure. My attempts were futile, however, because a few moments later I lost the entire contents of my sloshing stomach. At least I was near a toilet.
Although I had spent almost two weeks watching vigil by your bedside, praying that you would rouse, now that you were actually awake, the last thing I wanted to do was see you.
: : :
For the next two days, I did everything in my power to avoid you.
Andromeda and Teddy were ecstatic that their darling nephew and cousin had awoken. They couldn’t talk about anything else. And indeed, I was relieved that you were awake, but every time they brought your name up, I had the sudden urge to empty my stomach again. Luckily, Andromeda had insisted that you stay on bed rest for at least a couple more days, and since I had thrown up my guts at least three times since your awakening, I was able to feign illness and pretend that I didn’t want your delicate immune system catching my stomach bug. Andie had rewarded me with one of her brilliant smiles again and kissed me on the forehead.
“Oh, Harry,” she said dreamily, “you’re such a good person, always looking out for others. I’m so proud of you. Is there anything you want me to tell Draco for you, dear?”
I felt my cheeks redden at her kinds words. If only she knew that the real reason I didn’t want to see you was because I was afraid I would jump you, then I don’t think she would have been kissing me. I had no idea what to say to you, which was absurd because I had just spent countless hours talking to you and telling you my life story.
“Erm,” I said while biting down on my bottom lip. “Just tell him that I’m glad he’s okay.”
“Okay, dear. I’m sure he’ll be happy to hear that,” Andie said with another smile.
“Yeah, I’m sure,” I muttered to myself.
I spent the rest of my time feeling sorry for myself in my room and trying to understand how I had let myself fall for a bloke that hated the sight of me-a bloke who in fact didn’t even exist, not really, because the you I had fallen for was the angelic, unconscious version of you. Most definitely not the haughty, obnoxious twat version of you that was now lying awake and hating my guts in the room across the hall.
: : :
I have always been pants when it comes to hiding my feelings.
I always hoped that as I got older, I would learn to conceal my emotions; I figured it was a trait that came with age. It didn’t seem fair that someone like you, or Andromeda even, could keep their faces blank and expressionless, remain cool and aloof no matter the situation.
No, the next few days with you were positively maddening.
As you grew stronger, you demanded that you no longer wanted to stay in bed or be treated like an invalid. You insisted on at least taking your meals with the rest of us in the dining room and being allowed free range of the house. When I spent those couple of days locked up in my room avoiding you, I had played out our first meeting repeatedly in my head. The various outcomes held everything from you hexing my bollocks off to you running into my arms and snogging the daylights out of me. I never imagined the outcome that actually occurred.
The first time I saw you again was at breakfast. It was four days since you had awakened and sixteen since I had carried you back from Malfoy Manor. My heart was hammering when I saw you, sitting at the breakfast table so casually, eating your toast like it was the most natural thing in the world and reading the morning paper. I just gaped at you longingly because if I had thought that you were beautiful before lying in bed all bruised and broken-well, seeing you at the table properly dressed in fitted black trousers and a pressed white button-down made my heart flutter and my breath hitch.
“Ma-ma-Malfoy,” I finally groaned out, my teeth chattering and hands shaking.
You didn’t even look up from your toast; your head was still stuck in a newspaper as you coolly said, “Good morning, Potter. Nice of you to join us.”
And that was it. You didn’t say another word to me the entire meal or even bother to look up at me. It was as if I didn’t matter at all, as if I were a complete stranger.
I was too dumbstruck to reply.
: : :
The next week passed in much the same manner.
I don’t think we had a longer conversation than the polite but frigid greetings you offered me at every meal. During the day, you excused yourself after breakfast and didn’t reappear again until dinner. I’m not sure what you spent all that time doing. Okay, that’s a blatant lie; a couple of times, I was much too curious about your whereabouts and reverted to spying on you again, soothing my guilty conscience by convincing myself that you were probably up to something.
You just had to be.
Unfortunately, most of the times, I just found you in Andromeda’s library, lounging in an old leather armchair and reading a thick novel, or out back by the gardens taking long walks with Teddy and teaching him about potions ingredients. Watching you act this way, so withdrawn and unruffled just infuriated me. I was sure that you had brain damage; your trauma to the head had inconceivably altered your personality because the quiet but pensive man I saw running around with his cousin Teddy and helping Andromeda in the kitchen could not be you.
It made no sense-this polite but distant manner that you were treating everyone with, most notably me. You barely acknowledged me at all, no matter what I said to you, and the harder I attempted to get a rise out of you, the more you just looked at me with sad, glazed eyes and ignored me-like I was so insignificant and beneath you that you couldn’t be bothered. It was completely unexpected. And it broke my heart.
I was used to your brashness. I could deal with your venomous tongue and cold glares because at least I knew that they were fuelled by passion. But dealing with your indifference was almost too much to bear. Slowly, you were becoming my world, my reason for existence; and yet, I wasn’t even a blotch, not even an insignificant speck in the universe of Draco Malfoy.
: : :
After about a week of your indifference, I was losing my mind. Completely.
I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, couldn’t focus on anything that wasn’t you. I was in a constant state of panic and unease and even Andromeda was starting to get concerned.
“Are you sure you’re feeling okay, Harry?”
She was constantly checking my temperature and making me load up on extra nutrient potions.
“I’m fine, Andie,” I always assured her. “I just had a little trouble sleeping. That’s all.”
My excuses were starting to get feeble; even you, who couldn’t stand to spend more than ten minutes in my presence, seemed to notice I was twitchy.
“You, alright there, Potter?” you asked me one morning, meeting my eyes for only a second, but that second was long enough to make me forget to breathe.
“You’re looking a little green there. What are you missing your adoring fan base?” You smirked at me. I should have realised that it had no malice behind it, but instead I lashed out at you.
“What’s it to you, Malfoy?” I snapped. “Don’t pretend like you care-”
“Potter-”
For a second, I thought I saw a flicker of emotion behind your stormy grey eyes, but by the time I blinked it was gone; your condescending Malfoy mask was back in place.
“No, just stop,” I shrieked at you, my hands shaking at my sides. “What are you still even doing here? You’re well now. Why don’t you take your ungrateful arse back to England and just sod off?”
I glared at you, a look of pure contempt that was full of all the pain, frustration, confusion, and pent up anguish that you had created in me.
“You’re such a leech, Malfoy, mooching off your aunt, a poor, sick old woman. That’s low even for your standards. She just feels sorry for you. She can barely stand you.”
I was panting now, my cheeks flushed and upper lip snarling like a voracious predator closing in on its prey. “And I feel sorry for you too,” I said, never once breaking contact from your sharp glare. “You are pathetic. Get it through your thick skull...we don’t want you here!”
I couldn’t believe what I had done-the utter lies I had just told you-but it was too late to take it back. The damage had been done.
For a second you looked stunned, regretful even, but then you just bit your bottom lip, like you always do when you’re upset, and nodded resignedly at me.
“You’re absolutely right, Potter,” you said evenly; your grey eyes appeared dark, but expressionless. “I’ve imposed on my aunt’s kind hospitality long enough. I’ll be gone in the morning.”
Then you walked away from me, leaving me stunned and frozen to the spot.
What the hell had I done?
: : :
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I spent that entire morning bashing my head against my wall.
Why had I been so stupid? Why did I say that to you? And why the hell did you agree with me?
I was so angry and frustrated that you continued to ignore me, so much so that I lashed out on you in the vain hopes of getting some type of response. It was stupid and childish. For once, I finally understood how you must have felt back at Hogwarts, trying your best to get my attention-because any type of attention from the famous Harry Potter, your arch nemesis, was better than no attention at all. I had reverted to the maturity of an eleven-year-old schoolboy.
I behaved like an arsehole, a complete and total prat, I know. I needed to make things better, to make amends with you before Andromeda found out and had my head on a plate. I just wasn’t ready to face you yet. I couldn’t even stand being under the same roof with you, knowing those horrible, despicable, unforgivable lies I had just told you. You just seemed so resigned and defeated when you left, as if you actually believed me. You have never listened to me before. Why the hell would you start now?
No, I needed to get away; there was no way I could handle seeing your dejected face. I told Andromeda that Ron and Hermione were coming into town to meet me for lunch, so that I was going to spend the day with them. I told her not to save me any dinner. Of course, it was a total lie. Apparently, I was becoming a pathological liar, lying about absurd things like lunch dates and having friends that care, just so I wouldn’t have to see your face. It was pathetic.
No, I was pathetic-completely and utterly pathetic.
: : :
After leaving Andromeda’s house, I started wandering around the quaint town of Ceps, if you could even call it that, where Andromeda’s house was located. In actuality, Ceps is only a minuscule hamlet of Roquebrun in the Languedoc-Roussillon region of France. It’s a mouthful I know, and I’m sure I butcher the pronunciation every time I say it, but I’m actually quite proud of myself that I finally remembered. I just kept repeating it over and over to myself as I aimlessly walked far away from Andromeda’s concealed villa to the banks of the Orb River. I followed the long trail that curved alongside the infinite river for what seemed like hours, taking the longest possible route to Roquebrun and praying to find some type of wisdom or hidden truth in the clear, flowing waters.
I was so disgusted with myself that I couldn’t even bring myself to enjoy the grandeur nature that surrounded me-the lush greens of the endless canopies of trees, the sweet lingering bouquet of the summer wind, and the rapid splash of the rugged waters crashing against the rocks-both healing and raw, as if it were renewing them and cleansing them of all their imperfections. If only, the waters could have done the same for me.
Bollocks.
No matter what I did, even if I convinced you to stay-I would continue to walk around half-dead inside, yearning to reach out and touch you, comfort you, protect you from ever being hurt again. It made no fucking sense. I barely even knew you, so why did I have this overwhelming need to protect you and be close to you?
It just wasn’t an option. You had made it perfectly clear that you wanted nothing to do with me. It wouldn’t be fair if I were to ruin your life and possible happiness because of my petty jealousy.
God, I was being such a hypocrite telling you to leave and to stop mooching off your aunt. What the fuck was I doing? I was the one overstaying my welcome here on some misplaced noble sentiment that I was paying my debt to Remus and taking care of his son. Hell, in the last few weeks I had barely even spent time with Teddy. I had been on a one-way ticket to crazy town, wearing Draco Malfoy shaped blinders, and not seeing anything else.
It was insane, beyond insane really, and all because what-you have a nice arse, soft hair, pretty skin? I had completely lost touch with what actually mattered in the world and could no longer carry on like a lovesick schoolboy. You didn’t return my feelings. Christ, you probably weren’t even gay. No, I needed to get over you and move on, which was never going to happen under the same roof as you.
Yes, I had made my decision, finally a rational one.
I was going to apologise to you and then tell Andromeda that I had to get back to England. I would make up some excuse about Kingsley needing me. It was brilliant. That way, you could stay here with Andromeda and Teddy, your actual family by blood, and I could go back to London and be miserable with almost a thousand miles between us.
To be continued...
Go to Part 8
Author's note: Thanks for reading and try not to kill Harry.
[7] The quote at the beginning of the chapter is by Cassandra Clare and comes from her Infernal Devices Series. I take no credit for it.
Title: You Set Fire to the Rain
Characters/Pairings: Harry/Draco, past Harry/Ginny, Ron/Hermione, Andromeda and Teddy
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the other works that I refer to in this story. Please don’t sue me.
Warnings: For a full list of warnings refer to part 1. For this part, there are mentions of vomit for the extremely squeamish
Word count: ~ 3000 (for this part)
Summary: After the war, Harry cannot handle the overbearing press and needs to get away. He decides to spend the summer with Andromeda and Teddy in France. When Malfoy shows up too, things get complicated. “Slowly, you were becoming my world, my reason for existence; and yet, I wasn’t even a blotch, not even an insignificant speck in the universe of Draco Malfoy.”
A/N: A big thank you to my lovely betas: ashiiblack and erised_dreams. You ladies are awesome. ♥
Go Back to Parts 1-2 Parts 3-4 Parts 5-6
: :Seven: :
“Lies and secrets, they are like a cancer in the soul. They eat away what is good and leave only destruction behind.” ~CC7
: : :
That night I slept better than I had in a long time.
When I woke the next morning, I felt the sun beating down on me, piercing through the sheer silver curtains that Andromeda had chosen to adorn my room. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that as lovely as the curtains were, they did a shit job at keeping out the sun. Usually, it wasn’t a problem because I was an early riser, but that day the hot and heavy scorching of the sun told me it was much later in the day. It was half past noon when I roused that afternoon, almost thirteen days since I had found you bruised and beaten at Malfoy Manor. I could tell that something felt different; there was a fierce energy in the air, crackling from behind the door and across the hall, radiating in small waves from what I knew to be your room. Every cell in my body vibrated as if trying to pull me towards you. Even today, I can’t understand it, but somehow I knew that you were awake.
I ran into the hallway and almost trampled Andromeda whose face was lit up like a Christmas tree, beaming at me with that dazzling, radiating smile of hers, and I knew that it was true. She just nodded at me poignantly and said, “Harry, it’s finally soon.”
I knew what she meant and I could feel her jubilation and relief that you were awake, alive. Yet, rather than returning that joyous feeling, her triumphant smile, I felt my stomach twisting into wrenching knots, sour bile ramming its way up my oesophagus. And although I was able to push it back down and not be sick all over the carpet, I ran right past Andromeda and locked myself in the closet bathroom. I banged my head against the vanity mirror and attempted to relax, to take deep breaths and regain my composure. My attempts were futile, however, because a few moments later I lost the entire contents of my sloshing stomach. At least I was near a toilet.
Although I had spent almost two weeks watching vigil by your bedside, praying that you would rouse, now that you were actually awake, the last thing I wanted to do was see you.
: : :
For the next two days, I did everything in my power to avoid you.
Andromeda and Teddy were ecstatic that their darling nephew and cousin had awoken. They couldn’t talk about anything else. And indeed, I was relieved that you were awake, but every time they brought your name up, I had the sudden urge to empty my stomach again. Luckily, Andromeda had insisted that you stay on bed rest for at least a couple more days, and since I had thrown up my guts at least three times since your awakening, I was able to feign illness and pretend that I didn’t want your delicate immune system catching my stomach bug. Andie had rewarded me with one of her brilliant smiles again and kissed me on the forehead.
“Oh, Harry,” she said dreamily, “you’re such a good person, always looking out for others. I’m so proud of you. Is there anything you want me to tell Draco for you, dear?”
I felt my cheeks redden at her kinds words. If only she knew that the real reason I didn’t want to see you was because I was afraid I would jump you, then I don’t think she would have been kissing me. I had no idea what to say to you, which was absurd because I had just spent countless hours talking to you and telling you my life story.
“Erm,” I said while biting down on my bottom lip. “Just tell him that I’m glad he’s okay.”
“Okay, dear. I’m sure he’ll be happy to hear that,” Andie said with another smile.
“Yeah, I’m sure,” I muttered to myself.
I spent the rest of my time feeling sorry for myself in my room and trying to understand how I had let myself fall for a bloke that hated the sight of me-a bloke who in fact didn’t even exist, not really, because the you I had fallen for was the angelic, unconscious version of you. Most definitely not the haughty, obnoxious twat version of you that was now lying awake and hating my guts in the room across the hall.
: : :
I have always been pants when it comes to hiding my feelings.
I always hoped that as I got older, I would learn to conceal my emotions; I figured it was a trait that came with age. It didn’t seem fair that someone like you, or Andromeda even, could keep their faces blank and expressionless, remain cool and aloof no matter the situation.
No, the next few days with you were positively maddening.
As you grew stronger, you demanded that you no longer wanted to stay in bed or be treated like an invalid. You insisted on at least taking your meals with the rest of us in the dining room and being allowed free range of the house. When I spent those couple of days locked up in my room avoiding you, I had played out our first meeting repeatedly in my head. The various outcomes held everything from you hexing my bollocks off to you running into my arms and snogging the daylights out of me. I never imagined the outcome that actually occurred.
The first time I saw you again was at breakfast. It was four days since you had awakened and sixteen since I had carried you back from Malfoy Manor. My heart was hammering when I saw you, sitting at the breakfast table so casually, eating your toast like it was the most natural thing in the world and reading the morning paper. I just gaped at you longingly because if I had thought that you were beautiful before lying in bed all bruised and broken-well, seeing you at the table properly dressed in fitted black trousers and a pressed white button-down made my heart flutter and my breath hitch.
“Ma-ma-Malfoy,” I finally groaned out, my teeth chattering and hands shaking.
You didn’t even look up from your toast; your head was still stuck in a newspaper as you coolly said, “Good morning, Potter. Nice of you to join us.”
And that was it. You didn’t say another word to me the entire meal or even bother to look up at me. It was as if I didn’t matter at all, as if I were a complete stranger.
I was too dumbstruck to reply.
: : :
The next week passed in much the same manner.
I don’t think we had a longer conversation than the polite but frigid greetings you offered me at every meal. During the day, you excused yourself after breakfast and didn’t reappear again until dinner. I’m not sure what you spent all that time doing. Okay, that’s a blatant lie; a couple of times, I was much too curious about your whereabouts and reverted to spying on you again, soothing my guilty conscience by convincing myself that you were probably up to something.
You just had to be.
Unfortunately, most of the times, I just found you in Andromeda’s library, lounging in an old leather armchair and reading a thick novel, or out back by the gardens taking long walks with Teddy and teaching him about potions ingredients. Watching you act this way, so withdrawn and unruffled just infuriated me. I was sure that you had brain damage; your trauma to the head had inconceivably altered your personality because the quiet but pensive man I saw running around with his cousin Teddy and helping Andromeda in the kitchen could not be you.
It made no sense-this polite but distant manner that you were treating everyone with, most notably me. You barely acknowledged me at all, no matter what I said to you, and the harder I attempted to get a rise out of you, the more you just looked at me with sad, glazed eyes and ignored me-like I was so insignificant and beneath you that you couldn’t be bothered. It was completely unexpected. And it broke my heart.
I was used to your brashness. I could deal with your venomous tongue and cold glares because at least I knew that they were fuelled by passion. But dealing with your indifference was almost too much to bear. Slowly, you were becoming my world, my reason for existence; and yet, I wasn’t even a blotch, not even an insignificant speck in the universe of Draco Malfoy.
: : :
After about a week of your indifference, I was losing my mind. Completely.
I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, couldn’t focus on anything that wasn’t you. I was in a constant state of panic and unease and even Andromeda was starting to get concerned.
“Are you sure you’re feeling okay, Harry?”
She was constantly checking my temperature and making me load up on extra nutrient potions.
“I’m fine, Andie,” I always assured her. “I just had a little trouble sleeping. That’s all.”
My excuses were starting to get feeble; even you, who couldn’t stand to spend more than ten minutes in my presence, seemed to notice I was twitchy.
“You, alright there, Potter?” you asked me one morning, meeting my eyes for only a second, but that second was long enough to make me forget to breathe.
“You’re looking a little green there. What are you missing your adoring fan base?” You smirked at me. I should have realised that it had no malice behind it, but instead I lashed out at you.
“What’s it to you, Malfoy?” I snapped. “Don’t pretend like you care-”
“Potter-”
For a second, I thought I saw a flicker of emotion behind your stormy grey eyes, but by the time I blinked it was gone; your condescending Malfoy mask was back in place.
“No, just stop,” I shrieked at you, my hands shaking at my sides. “What are you still even doing here? You’re well now. Why don’t you take your ungrateful arse back to England and just sod off?”
I glared at you, a look of pure contempt that was full of all the pain, frustration, confusion, and pent up anguish that you had created in me.
“You’re such a leech, Malfoy, mooching off your aunt, a poor, sick old woman. That’s low even for your standards. She just feels sorry for you. She can barely stand you.”
I was panting now, my cheeks flushed and upper lip snarling like a voracious predator closing in on its prey. “And I feel sorry for you too,” I said, never once breaking contact from your sharp glare. “You are pathetic. Get it through your thick skull...we don’t want you here!”
I couldn’t believe what I had done-the utter lies I had just told you-but it was too late to take it back. The damage had been done.
For a second you looked stunned, regretful even, but then you just bit your bottom lip, like you always do when you’re upset, and nodded resignedly at me.
“You’re absolutely right, Potter,” you said evenly; your grey eyes appeared dark, but expressionless. “I’ve imposed on my aunt’s kind hospitality long enough. I’ll be gone in the morning.”
Then you walked away from me, leaving me stunned and frozen to the spot.
What the hell had I done?
: : :
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I spent that entire morning bashing my head against my wall.
Why had I been so stupid? Why did I say that to you? And why the hell did you agree with me?
I was so angry and frustrated that you continued to ignore me, so much so that I lashed out on you in the vain hopes of getting some type of response. It was stupid and childish. For once, I finally understood how you must have felt back at Hogwarts, trying your best to get my attention-because any type of attention from the famous Harry Potter, your arch nemesis, was better than no attention at all. I had reverted to the maturity of an eleven-year-old schoolboy.
I behaved like an arsehole, a complete and total prat, I know. I needed to make things better, to make amends with you before Andromeda found out and had my head on a plate. I just wasn’t ready to face you yet. I couldn’t even stand being under the same roof with you, knowing those horrible, despicable, unforgivable lies I had just told you. You just seemed so resigned and defeated when you left, as if you actually believed me. You have never listened to me before. Why the hell would you start now?
No, I needed to get away; there was no way I could handle seeing your dejected face. I told Andromeda that Ron and Hermione were coming into town to meet me for lunch, so that I was going to spend the day with them. I told her not to save me any dinner. Of course, it was a total lie. Apparently, I was becoming a pathological liar, lying about absurd things like lunch dates and having friends that care, just so I wouldn’t have to see your face. It was pathetic.
No, I was pathetic-completely and utterly pathetic.
: : :
After leaving Andromeda’s house, I started wandering around the quaint town of Ceps, if you could even call it that, where Andromeda’s house was located. In actuality, Ceps is only a minuscule hamlet of Roquebrun in the Languedoc-Roussillon region of France. It’s a mouthful I know, and I’m sure I butcher the pronunciation every time I say it, but I’m actually quite proud of myself that I finally remembered. I just kept repeating it over and over to myself as I aimlessly walked far away from Andromeda’s concealed villa to the banks of the Orb River. I followed the long trail that curved alongside the infinite river for what seemed like hours, taking the longest possible route to Roquebrun and praying to find some type of wisdom or hidden truth in the clear, flowing waters.
I was so disgusted with myself that I couldn’t even bring myself to enjoy the grandeur nature that surrounded me-the lush greens of the endless canopies of trees, the sweet lingering bouquet of the summer wind, and the rapid splash of the rugged waters crashing against the rocks-both healing and raw, as if it were renewing them and cleansing them of all their imperfections. If only, the waters could have done the same for me.
Bollocks.
No matter what I did, even if I convinced you to stay-I would continue to walk around half-dead inside, yearning to reach out and touch you, comfort you, protect you from ever being hurt again. It made no fucking sense. I barely even knew you, so why did I have this overwhelming need to protect you and be close to you?
It just wasn’t an option. You had made it perfectly clear that you wanted nothing to do with me. It wouldn’t be fair if I were to ruin your life and possible happiness because of my petty jealousy.
God, I was being such a hypocrite telling you to leave and to stop mooching off your aunt. What the fuck was I doing? I was the one overstaying my welcome here on some misplaced noble sentiment that I was paying my debt to Remus and taking care of his son. Hell, in the last few weeks I had barely even spent time with Teddy. I had been on a one-way ticket to crazy town, wearing Draco Malfoy shaped blinders, and not seeing anything else.
It was insane, beyond insane really, and all because what-you have a nice arse, soft hair, pretty skin? I had completely lost touch with what actually mattered in the world and could no longer carry on like a lovesick schoolboy. You didn’t return my feelings. Christ, you probably weren’t even gay. No, I needed to get over you and move on, which was never going to happen under the same roof as you.
Yes, I had made my decision, finally a rational one.
I was going to apologise to you and then tell Andromeda that I had to get back to England. I would make up some excuse about Kingsley needing me. It was brilliant. That way, you could stay here with Andromeda and Teddy, your actual family by blood, and I could go back to London and be miserable with almost a thousand miles between us.
To be continued...
Go to Part 8
Author's note: Thanks for reading and try not to kill Harry.
[7] The quote at the beginning of the chapter is by Cassandra Clare and comes from her Infernal Devices Series. I take no credit for it.