Say I Love U / Chapter 12
The crisp green grass crunched under her feet as she walked alone through the quiet park in the late afternoon. She'd been there several times before, when she was younger and an innocent. She had been happy then in a way only a child could be, surrounded by a loving mother and doting on a brother she cared for more than anything in the world-but those days were long gone now. Those happy memories quickly fading as the days passed by…
Jessica always thought that the events in her family's history had happened for a reason. That the loss she'd felt in the absence of her mother's free mind had been caused by something bigger than her brother's sudden disappearance. That her father had been right to tell her that her brother wasn't really her brother, and that their relocating would help them heal.
Her father had always been a strict man; morally upright and good, but most often chose methods too severe to fathom. She'd never truly understood how her father had doted on her so diligently when he had a son to carry on their name, but at her young age then this detail never mattered long enough for her to care. She had assumed that it was because she was the first-born that she needed to be molded well to carry the name.
She never thought of his negligence to her brother then delved into matters that she wouldn't have known if not for his deathbed letter. If not for her uncovering the truth behind her brother's origins; of her mother's affairs and her father's harsh actions…
Jessica desperately wanted to say that her family's actions were right (they were done to keep their names (her name) afloat, to keep their family together), but personally she knew that they weren't.
And now, after almost a decade of lies and concealment, she has finally had enough.
Her distracted steps took her close to the water, far from the usual park goers' spots but close enough to be seen from the gate she'd expected her companion to come from. She'd taken it into herself to make sure that she would be ready once she settled down on the bench; ready to speak her mind and uncover the truths that had long since eluded her because of her father's ideals.
Jessica made sure to ready to tell Changmin, her brother, that half or not-he had always been part of her family and that she'd been searching for him since the day she found out the truth of his forced disappearance.
Crisp fall leaves crunched behind her and she listened as those careful steps drew closer to her bench. She didn't have to turn around to know that the person she was meeting had finally arrived. It was, after all, always been Changmin's way to be quiet in everything he did.
“I was beginning to worry you weren't going to meet me, little brother,” Jessica started with a smile, patting the seat next to her as Changmin moved up to her. He had a slight grimace on his face as he took the seat next to her, carefully gripping the iPad he brought in his hands.
“I'm glad my private investigator got hold of the correct mobile number,” she said, looking out into the water. A family of ducks swam by, unaware of them and she smiled. “The first few people I hired all failed to get me working number, but then again I suppose the third time's the charm.”
Changmin merely shrugged in response to her words, straightening in his seat with the iPad propped carelessly on his lap. The screen was dark and she briefly wondered if she'll get a worded response at all.
Jessica observed him for a moment. Taking in the stiffness of his posture and the hard set of his jaw, she deduced that he was neither happy nor excited to be meeting with her at all. She was grateful that he'd come nevertheless and she didn't hold it against him to be hostile. She'd been absent long enough in his life to blame him for any of his actions from here on out.
Her eyes appreciated the fact that a life alone in Seoul had been-more or less-forgiving to him. Changmin was healthy by all standards, tall and broad-shouldered. Handsome as she always known he would grow up to be and reserved. She learned from her late father's letter that he had not been too harsh and left Changmin to fend for himself but instead sent him to live with one of his former contractors with a fee. The family that had taken him in asked no questions and nurtured him well as though he was their own… a fact that she was most thankful for. Changmin deserved the kind of love the Choi family gave without question. He deserved more than her father never thought to bestow upon him.
She watched as his fingers gripped the iPad in his lap. He was uncomfortable with her staring, and though she didn't want him to feel that way-Jessica knew very well that she could not just stop.
She had missed her brother. She had missed him terribly. And she was determined to get him back to her family in any way she could.
“The party the other night was nice, wasn't it? The food was really good. I forgot how good authentic Korean food really is.” Jessica said, keeping her tone light and cheery. Changmin shifted in his seat as though in agreement but didn't turn his head. Instead he continued on staring straight ahead, watching the family of ducks she was observing earlier with a forced interest.
The thought made her smile and she let herself laugh aloud.
“Oh, come on! Don't look at me like I'm crazy when I'm not the one feigning interest at a group of yellow bills!” She exclaimed, shaking her head in mirth as Changmin raised an eyebrow at her. “As if you've never seen a duck before in your life! You used to have one as pet when you were five!”
He blinked in response, a ghost of a smirk edging onto his lips as he appraised her words. And then he shrugged good-naturedly before leaning back into his seat more comfortably. It was a far better response than what she'd gotten from the party the other night; the awkward air around them slowly diminishing at the thoughtful exchange. His amicable reaction surprised her a bit, but she couldn't have expected another response.
Better than nothing, she thought with a smile. At least he's in a better mood than when I spoke to him at the party…
Jessica's smile slowly widened as her trail of thoughts continued.
Actually, he was in better mood after he and Yoona went to talk privately elsewhere. Did something happen between them? She wondered with a grin, looking over at Changmin's profile again. He was looking down at his iPad now, flicking through photos from said party-lingering a few seconds longer than necessary at some particular images.
Images that showed a stunning young woman in an emerald green dress, smiling wide and laughing as his eyes took the photo in with a kind of affection that Jessica was very familiar to. Familiar in the sense that she knew she'd looked at Donghae the same way before they got together… a look of adoration, of content… of love.
“You must really like her, huh?” She asked with an amused smile as Changmin finally turned to look at her. His eyes widened in surprise, caught off guard by her question as though he'd forgotten where he was. Jessica patted him on the shoulder reassuringly and continued, “I would look at Donghae's photos the same way too… with a half-smile on my face. At least, that's what he tells me.”
/I'm not exactly sure I follow what you're saying./ Changmin wrote, finally giving her the worded response she was hoping for from the beginning. His brow knitted together in confusion, surprised by her sudden insinuation of his relationship with Yoona. He hadn't realized he was looking at Yoona any differently; not even at her pictures but apparently he had if Jessica's raised eyebrow was any indication.
He continued to write as Jessica only smirked in response. /I assumed you wanted to meet me here to talk about something else rather than my love life./
“I don't really think you're ready to talk about Mom yet.” She said pointedly, her grin wide when Changmin's face instantaneously darkened. She patted him on the shoulder reassuringly, dismissing his dimmed gaze with another smile before leaning back against the bench.
Jessica shrugged casually, looking up at the sky. “And that's okay because I'm not ready to tell you either.”
Changmin considered her for a moment before nodding.
There would be time later to talk about their past. There would be time to relive old hurts and open wounds…
For now-silence was all that they needed.
Author's Note: A short one for now while I gather my bearings in school and my social life! I promise a longer one soon!
Jessica always thought that the events in her family's history had happened for a reason. That the loss she'd felt in the absence of her mother's free mind had been caused by something bigger than her brother's sudden disappearance. That her father had been right to tell her that her brother wasn't really her brother, and that their relocating would help them heal.
Her father had always been a strict man; morally upright and good, but most often chose methods too severe to fathom. She'd never truly understood how her father had doted on her so diligently when he had a son to carry on their name, but at her young age then this detail never mattered long enough for her to care. She had assumed that it was because she was the first-born that she needed to be molded well to carry the name.
She never thought of his negligence to her brother then delved into matters that she wouldn't have known if not for his deathbed letter. If not for her uncovering the truth behind her brother's origins; of her mother's affairs and her father's harsh actions…
Jessica desperately wanted to say that her family's actions were right (they were done to keep their names (her name) afloat, to keep their family together), but personally she knew that they weren't.
And now, after almost a decade of lies and concealment, she has finally had enough.
Her distracted steps took her close to the water, far from the usual park goers' spots but close enough to be seen from the gate she'd expected her companion to come from. She'd taken it into herself to make sure that she would be ready once she settled down on the bench; ready to speak her mind and uncover the truths that had long since eluded her because of her father's ideals.
Jessica made sure to ready to tell Changmin, her brother, that half or not-he had always been part of her family and that she'd been searching for him since the day she found out the truth of his forced disappearance.
Crisp fall leaves crunched behind her and she listened as those careful steps drew closer to her bench. She didn't have to turn around to know that the person she was meeting had finally arrived. It was, after all, always been Changmin's way to be quiet in everything he did.
“I was beginning to worry you weren't going to meet me, little brother,” Jessica started with a smile, patting the seat next to her as Changmin moved up to her. He had a slight grimace on his face as he took the seat next to her, carefully gripping the iPad he brought in his hands.
“I'm glad my private investigator got hold of the correct mobile number,” she said, looking out into the water. A family of ducks swam by, unaware of them and she smiled. “The first few people I hired all failed to get me working number, but then again I suppose the third time's the charm.”
Changmin merely shrugged in response to her words, straightening in his seat with the iPad propped carelessly on his lap. The screen was dark and she briefly wondered if she'll get a worded response at all.
Jessica observed him for a moment. Taking in the stiffness of his posture and the hard set of his jaw, she deduced that he was neither happy nor excited to be meeting with her at all. She was grateful that he'd come nevertheless and she didn't hold it against him to be hostile. She'd been absent long enough in his life to blame him for any of his actions from here on out.
Her eyes appreciated the fact that a life alone in Seoul had been-more or less-forgiving to him. Changmin was healthy by all standards, tall and broad-shouldered. Handsome as she always known he would grow up to be and reserved. She learned from her late father's letter that he had not been too harsh and left Changmin to fend for himself but instead sent him to live with one of his former contractors with a fee. The family that had taken him in asked no questions and nurtured him well as though he was their own… a fact that she was most thankful for. Changmin deserved the kind of love the Choi family gave without question. He deserved more than her father never thought to bestow upon him.
She watched as his fingers gripped the iPad in his lap. He was uncomfortable with her staring, and though she didn't want him to feel that way-Jessica knew very well that she could not just stop.
She had missed her brother. She had missed him terribly. And she was determined to get him back to her family in any way she could.
“The party the other night was nice, wasn't it? The food was really good. I forgot how good authentic Korean food really is.” Jessica said, keeping her tone light and cheery. Changmin shifted in his seat as though in agreement but didn't turn his head. Instead he continued on staring straight ahead, watching the family of ducks she was observing earlier with a forced interest.
The thought made her smile and she let herself laugh aloud.
“Oh, come on! Don't look at me like I'm crazy when I'm not the one feigning interest at a group of yellow bills!” She exclaimed, shaking her head in mirth as Changmin raised an eyebrow at her. “As if you've never seen a duck before in your life! You used to have one as pet when you were five!”
He blinked in response, a ghost of a smirk edging onto his lips as he appraised her words. And then he shrugged good-naturedly before leaning back into his seat more comfortably. It was a far better response than what she'd gotten from the party the other night; the awkward air around them slowly diminishing at the thoughtful exchange. His amicable reaction surprised her a bit, but she couldn't have expected another response.
Better than nothing, she thought with a smile. At least he's in a better mood than when I spoke to him at the party…
Jessica's smile slowly widened as her trail of thoughts continued.
Actually, he was in better mood after he and Yoona went to talk privately elsewhere. Did something happen between them? She wondered with a grin, looking over at Changmin's profile again. He was looking down at his iPad now, flicking through photos from said party-lingering a few seconds longer than necessary at some particular images.
Images that showed a stunning young woman in an emerald green dress, smiling wide and laughing as his eyes took the photo in with a kind of affection that Jessica was very familiar to. Familiar in the sense that she knew she'd looked at Donghae the same way before they got together… a look of adoration, of content… of love.
“You must really like her, huh?” She asked with an amused smile as Changmin finally turned to look at her. His eyes widened in surprise, caught off guard by her question as though he'd forgotten where he was. Jessica patted him on the shoulder reassuringly and continued, “I would look at Donghae's photos the same way too… with a half-smile on my face. At least, that's what he tells me.”
/I'm not exactly sure I follow what you're saying./ Changmin wrote, finally giving her the worded response she was hoping for from the beginning. His brow knitted together in confusion, surprised by her sudden insinuation of his relationship with Yoona. He hadn't realized he was looking at Yoona any differently; not even at her pictures but apparently he had if Jessica's raised eyebrow was any indication.
He continued to write as Jessica only smirked in response. /I assumed you wanted to meet me here to talk about something else rather than my love life./
“I don't really think you're ready to talk about Mom yet.” She said pointedly, her grin wide when Changmin's face instantaneously darkened. She patted him on the shoulder reassuringly, dismissing his dimmed gaze with another smile before leaning back against the bench.
Jessica shrugged casually, looking up at the sky. “And that's okay because I'm not ready to tell you either.”
Changmin considered her for a moment before nodding.
There would be time later to talk about their past. There would be time to relive old hurts and open wounds…
For now-silence was all that they needed.
Author's Note: A short one for now while I gather my bearings in school and my social life! I promise a longer one soon!