Say I Love U / Chapter 10
It took a little longer than she’d like to come out of her trance, blinking profusely as Lee Donghae slowly made his way through the crowded room towards her. His arm was linked with a woman’s arm - the girl he replaced me with, Yoona thought nauseously and turned her head as the recognition of the Jessica’s (her new friend) beautiful face registered in her thoughts.
She bit back tears in threatening to come to her eyes, focusing her attentions towards someone else instead - Changmin to be exact - and forcing a smile on her lips as he looked back at her in confusion. Yoona watched as his eyes flickered from her to where her eyes had strayed last before coming back to meet her eyes in understanding. She figured he must have pieced all together by the look on his face, but if he didn’t then Eunhyuk’s loud greeting would have clued him in.
Inwardly she winced at the sudden call her friend made but made no move to reprimand him or even turn around. She didn’t want to. Not when her heart was shattering inside her chest all over again.
Changmin’s fingers reached out to touch hers, silently breaking into her thoughts as she looked up in surprise and he moved closer to stand by her side. Yoona held on his fingers tight and willed herself to be stronger than how she truly felt. There was no turning back now.
“Oh, hello, Yoona,” Donghae greeted the very second he and Jessica reached them. He looked at ease with his bright smile, his arm softly placed around Jessica’s waist as though it was the most natural thing in the world. Yoona noticed how happy he looked to be with her in his arms. Better than when we were together, she thought bitterly before she could stop herself.
She tried not to grimace as Donghae gestured towards Jessica and introduced her to the group. Her only reassurance came from Changmin’s hands folding hers in between his, anchoring her to be strong which she appreciated more than anything.
“I’d like you all to meet my girlfriend, Jung Sooyeon.” Donghae started, unperturbed by Yoona’s (masked?) uneasiness. He was smiling wide as the lady in his arms blushed prettily beside him and smiled as well. “She’s a fashion designer based in New York and likes to go by her English name, Jessica.”
Jessica nodded her head and greeted each of them warmly, her eyes straying just a little bit longer at Yoona (and Changmin). She was mildly surprised to be in Yoona’s presence again after only meeting her days before, but she didn’t mind so at the same time. She liked Yoona after all, and even more now that she looked at the tall man standing beside her protectively again. A flicker of recognition crossed his features when their eyes met, but -like what her sources informed her - he remained silent all through out the introductions.
She wasn’t surprised of Changmin’s cold shoulder treatment. After all, she was one of those who had driven him away in the first place.
But that was a story for another time. For now, all that Jessica was interested in was who her new friend, Yoona, was to Shim Changmin?
On the other hand, Changmin simply ignored the familiarity he’d seen in Jessica’s face. He knew who she resembled in his mind and he knew her voice even after all this time but he didn’t dare let himself dwell on pursuing the thought any further. He was at a party for a reason, for a business agreement - for Yoona.
That was the only reason he cared for.
“It’s really nice to see you again, Yoona. I didn’t expect to see you again so soon, but I’m glad nonetheless!” She said, smiling wide and stepping forwards. Jessica clasped her hands together and bowed her head slightly, “I want to thank you for recommending that café near the hospital. My mother really liked the caramel macchiato from there, and she isn’t the type to drink anything with milk or caffeine at all. It helped a bit, I think, to ease our transition back to the country.”
“Oh, it’s no problem, really,” Yoona replied, shaking her head. It was hard not to smile back when greeted so warmly, even if a big part of her did feel like tearing her hair out and screaming. “I’m only glad I was able to help in such a small way.”
“I didn’t know you two have already met.” Donghae interrupted sheepishly. He ran a hand through his hair and wrinkled his nose cutely at Jessica while he spoke. He put an arm around the blonde beauty and continued, “Am I missing anything else since I got back from business in New York?”
The couple smiled at each other warmly, gazing into each other’s eyes that it seemed like they noticed nothing else around them. Hyoyeon and Eunhyuk exchanged glances at this before training their eyes towards Yoona’s frozen smile. They pitied their friend but in this situation, both of them knew it was best not to interfere.
Besides, Hyoyeon thought, watching her best friend smile and make small talk from the side. She can take care of herself. She doesn’t need me to but in when she can handle things on her own.
“Oh, I almost forgot!” Yoona exclaimed when she caught sight of Changmin grinning beside her and realized that she’d forgotten all about him. Punching him lightly shoulder while he continued to grin, she linked her arm around his and pulled him closer. She motioned him towards Donghae and Jessica and introduced him as comfortably as she could.
“This is Shim Changmin… my boyfriend,” she started as her hand gripped his forearm close. “Changmin, this is Donghae - one of my father’s associates and Eunhyuk’s friend. And this is Jessica, Donghae’s girlfriend.”
Changmin tried not to wince at how hard she was clutching his arm and nodded in greeting. He went as far as putting a hand over her trembling one in an attempt to calm her, which worked - more or less - as she relaxed under his touch.
/Hello. It’s nice to meet you./ He typed with Yoona’s help, bowing his head again politely. The couple blinked at him at first before turning their attention to the iPad’s screen, clearly confused at his mode of communication.
“He - how should I say this - Changmin doesn’t really talk. He writes instead.” Yoona explained; smiling wide despite herself as Donghae’s brow knotted across his forehead. It was too cute and she couldn’t help but feel a little relieved at how the sinking feeling in her chest faded.
It was sudden, but Yoona wasn’t surprised at all. She’d always known that she couldn’t keep feeling any ill emotions for Donghae, no matter how much she wanted to. Even though he broke her heart with no real explanation and had another woman in his arms, she could never be angry with him. It was just impossible. Yoona loved him too much to feel beaten or betrayed.
“That’s peculiar… but if you like that about him, then I guess it’s okay.” Donghae replied, grinning. He held out his hand and shook Changmin’s hand, “It’s nice to meet you too, Changmin. Make sure to take care of her, alright? He’s my boss’ daughter after all.”
/Don’t worry. She’s in good hands./ Changmin reassured, smiling good naturedly. Yoona’s ex doesn’t seem like he’s some stupid person, he thought. Rather it seemed to him like Donghae every bit an intelligent and capable man. There was hardly anything threatening about him really, and like Eunhyuk said - he was a good guy in all accounts.
Maybe their relationship just ran its’ course, He figured, glancing back at Yoona laughing at something Donghae had mentioned about his recent trip. His lips lifted at the brightness of her smile and felt strangely relieved that the anxiety across her features had finally disappeared. His sisters’ had told him once that a smile could make anyone shine, but thinking about it now - there was nothing brighter than a smile on Yoona’s lips.
Her lips. His eyes lowered to the soft folds of skin before he could stop himself, glossed and pink while she laughed unaware of his stare. To be honest, Changmin hasn’t stopped thinking about her lips since that day she’d dragged him around to buy his suit. Maybe it was just that he was uncomfortable of wearing something tailor-made or that he hasn’t kissed a girl in awhile since the last date Kyuhyun had shoved to his face but there was something about those to slips of flesh that intrigued him to no end.
They were rosy pair, symmetrical with only the lower lip slightly fuller than the other. They were moist with gloss or whatever it was that she put on and called to him whenever she spoke or said none at all. If he were being honest to himself, he would have wanted to pull her away just so he could touch those lips and feel them under his fingers. Maybe he’d even permit himself to pull those twin slips of flesh with his…
That is if the situation were different.
If only they weren’t playing pretend and exchanging services (monetary for her, physical for him) over to their own favors.
/I think I’ll get something to drink. Would you like something, Yoona?/ Changmin wrote, steering his eyes to anywhere but her lips.
Yoona looked at him in surprise when he pulled at her elbow and slowly nodded when she read his words, turning to him just so to catch the lapels of his coat and pull him closer. Heat rushed through him as she inspected him, patting down his shirt and fixing his tie with her soft hands. His heart pounded away in his chest, thumping to a beat he hardly knew. Her lips pulled slightly when she spoke, and it took him every ounce of will not to coax his own onto hers just so he could feel them tremble under his touch.
Would her lips tremble if I kissed her? Changmin doesn’t think he’ll ever let himself know.
“I’d like some champagne, if you don’t mind. And thanks, darling.” Yoona smiled at him easily, the endearment tumbling out of her mouth so naturally he almost believed it. Instead he nodded once and took a step back, turning away to let out a breath he didn’t know he held in when she was so so close.
He hardly noticed their company speak just as he left and only realized her presence when she’d stepped in time with him. Changmin didn’t have to look to know who it was - appearances may have changed but he doubted that he would ever forget her voice.
“The last I saw we saw each other, you were barely reaching the top cupboard. Nowadays, I think you’d be able to get anything if you really wanted it.” Jessica said, grinning as they made their way towards the refreshment table. She expected no response and that was certainly what she got.
She didn’t mind. She was prepared for this.
The crowd parted as they passed, whispering along the way at the newcomers’ appearances and their involvement to certain people.
(“Isn’t that the New York designer? She came with Donghae, didn’t she?” “President Im said he met his future son-in-law just now… do you suppose that’s him?” “She’s quite beautiful but cold looking, I think. Are you sure Donghae is seeing her?” “He doesn’t seem to talk at all from what I hear. I wonder why Miss Yoona would date him.”)
They reached the table without much trouble, easily ignoring the whispers that surrounded them all the while. She ordered for them with her golden smile, flipping her hair over her shoulder as she did so and watched him look back at where they came from silently. Jessica knew that no doubt Donghae would be telling them funny anecdotes from his recent trip and that their company would be laughing when they came back - but there was something about the way Changmin chose to stare that made her heart lilt with familiarity.
There was a look of love in his eyes - unbridled now that he was away from the one Jessica supposed he was hiding it from. Suppose that answered her mind’s earlier question… and now to more pressing matters.
They waited patiently for their drinks to be poured, neither speaking as the crowd moved on around them. He looked too far away, gripping his iPad under his arm as she continued to watch him silently. Changmin might have felt uncomfortable with her gaze, but he didn’t let on. He didn’t let on anyone of his feelings.
As he should… Jessica smiled tenderly, feeling a wave of compassion awash her as she stood. After all, he was taught to keep his emotions to himself.
“You were taught better manners than that you know.” She began, nudging him with her elbow. He didn’t turn, didn’t even move. “It was in the house rules, under number 4: Always greet your family with respect.”
Changmin stood up a little straighter at her spoken words, though he still refused to face her. Jessica continued without a bother, even as the drinks came and he made no move to get them.
“Greet your family with respect. That includes your older sister, no?”
“I love her.” He begins slowly, suddenly and enunciating the words with such a finality that she could hardly remember to breathe. “I want to marry her, but I’m still not sure how to ask her just yet.”
Donghae said this on the very second Eunhyuk and Hyoyeon left to have a dance, ten minutes after Changmin and Jessica departed to get refreshments and five after he told her a funny story about a New York man and his dog. If Yoona knew any better she would have thought he’d planned to cage her all along with the sudden announcement, rendering her speechless and her mind reeling as her eyes widened in shock. Her heart was unconsciously ripped out of her, brutally crushed under the words he’d just spoken so nonchalantly.
The muscle lurched against her chest in thumps too strong. Heart attack? Her mind thought briefly, spinning for a moment over medical terms and such as though she was in school and on the spot. Myocardial ischemia? CVD?
Except she wasn’t in school or on the spot. She wasn’t anywhere near a hospital or her professors. She was in her own home, in a gorgeous dress and in front of the man she loved as he kicked and mashed his heart under his heel.
“Is it too soon for me to say this to you?” Donghae said quickly in panic, his eyes widening at the sudden paleness her skin took to his declaration. He mentally kicked himself for being too rash, completely forgetting their situation - their break-up that hadn’t ended in better terms that he’d hoped for. “I’m sorry. I forgot about that rule. Three months or other before…”
“Don’t… please.” Yoona started, wheezing almost of air as his eyes worriedly looked into hers. “I-I was just surprised is all. You just said it all of a sudden that I…”
“Forgot to breathe?” he finished for her, smiling just a little bit that she felt torn into wanting to beat him and kiss him for being a handsome pompous ass at the same time. He let out a nervous chuckle at himself and looked away, realizing his mistake immediately. He always was bad at keeping time with his jokes; they usually always were too flat or horrible in deliver. Often falling short of the mood when he told them, and this was exactly one of those times.
Donghae cleared his throat, glancing around him uneasily. And Yoona felt like hugging him like she always had when he made a mistake. “That wasn’t the right time to joke. Sorry.”
“No, it wasn’t.” She agreed, stopping her hand from reaching to touch him. Her heart twisted painfully as his eyes met hers again and then looked away quickly, searching elsewhere beyond her. Yoona knew better than to follow his gaze but she couldn’t help herself, and when she did - she wished that she hadn’t in the first place.
“Did you… love her before…” she trailed off, not wanting to finish the question. Did you love her before me was what she wanted to ask but couldn’t bring herself to say the words.
Donghae nodded slowly, looking back at her. “Yes. We were together all throughout middle school and highschool. We only broke up because her family moved away.”
“So… you’ve been waiting for her all this time?”
Yoona was afraid of the answer, but she wanted to know. She wanted to know even if it meant putting a stake through her heart bringing her closer and closer to the truth. She realized then how much she didn’t know about him - she felt ashamed.
He sighed, shifting in his stance from left to right. “No. I thought she was never coming back,” he explained, shrugging, “She didn’t even tell me where she was going so I didn’t know where to start. And then after two years in college without hearing from her, I just… when I met you, I… I thought I was over her.”
“Oh.”
“I did, no, I do care about you, Yoona. Still and very much.” He told her, as if trying to appease her aching psyche. It did little to soothe the hurt, but it brought her to step closer. His hand reached out to touch her cheek, lingering only for a moment before he pulled back.
Only rightly so as their respective partners had just come back with both of them sporting unusual expressions on their faces. Yoona tried to breathe normally when Changmin stepped close, assessing the situation with his intense gaze that directed itself to her after a moment. She tried to smile to reassure but found she couldn’t as Jessica wound herself towards Donghae and kissed him tenderly on the cheek - like a woman in love who couldn’t keep herself far from the man her heart beat for.
The muscle in her chest tilted against her chest and Yoona choked back a sob in her throat. She downed her glass of champagne in one gulp, much to everyone’s (Changmin’s, Donghae’s and Jessica’s) surprise and slammed it over the free table beside them.
“Can we dance?” She said more than asked briskly, pulling Changmin out into the floor and away from the couple without another look back. She placed his hands over her waist roughly; not caring of the surprised looks people threw them and put hers over his shoulders.
Tears began to spring into her eyes as they began to sway to the music and she breathed deeply when Changmin’s eyes stared down into hers again. She shook her head, lowering her eyes from his. “Don’t look at me, okay?” She said uncertainly, her tone afraid and hurt, “Just dance with me for awhile.”
Feeling him nod once at her request, Yoona sighed in relief as the music lulled her aching heart. The lyrics of the song calmed her as they swayed in time, his hands holding her as close as she wanted them to be.
[ It's gonna hurt when it heals too / It'll all get better in time ]
I know this song, Yoona thought to herself as they danced. Couples all around began to fill the floor and sway as well but she paid no attention to them as she listened to the song playing through the room.
[ I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to / It'll all get better in time ]
“This is the song you played for me when we first met…” Yoona said to him softly, raising her head to look at him. Though she felt like crying her heart out, a small smile graced her lips as she spoke. “You remember?”
Without his iPad to respond for him (which he left on the table when she pulled him suddenly), Changmin nodded his head to her question. Yeah, I remember, he told her in his mind as they moved to the jazz notes playing. I’m surprised you remember as well.
“I like this song…” She said, drifting off as her gaze dropped again and she remembered the moment when he’d played it for her. The pain was fresh then and even now after Donghae’s sudden declaration. She started to tremble as tears threatened to spill, her voice rough when she added, “He never loved me. Not as much anyway.”
She’d wondered for so long since that day why Donghae would have left her so easily like that. She wanted to horrible answer so she could hate him, something vile so she could despise him forever. But perhaps she should have known not to hope for a terrible reason from him at all. Donghae was a good man, the very best really who loved more than-
Now you know, Yoona. That’s his terrible reason. Yoona told herself helplessly, hating herself for her own weakness. Donghae loved more than anyone, the only problem is that it isn’t you.
And as much as she wanted to hate him - she knew she couldn’t. And that was much a reason to call her an idiot if any.
A tear managed to trail down her cheek as they danced, pooling a drop unto her chin as she shivered. It would have fallen if Changmin hadn’t moved to wipe it away, touching her skin with his fingers gently as he tipped her head to look at him. He stared down at her, appraising the defeated (but surprised) look in her eyes and the slightly tremble of her chin before cupping her cheek so tenderly she could do nothing but watch his face inch closer and closer to hers.
This might have been a mistake but there wasn’t anything in him to stop him from going for what he was about to do. If he doesn’t love you, then I think… His mind wandered off as Changmin’s eyes focused on her lips.
If he doesn’t love you, then I think that maybe I do.
And when his lips met hers, feather light at first and slowly deepening, both of them found that pulling away was the last thing they wanted to do.
Author's Note: Almost four months overdue, yes? Sorry, kids - that's how it is. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter!
She bit back tears in threatening to come to her eyes, focusing her attentions towards someone else instead - Changmin to be exact - and forcing a smile on her lips as he looked back at her in confusion. Yoona watched as his eyes flickered from her to where her eyes had strayed last before coming back to meet her eyes in understanding. She figured he must have pieced all together by the look on his face, but if he didn’t then Eunhyuk’s loud greeting would have clued him in.
Inwardly she winced at the sudden call her friend made but made no move to reprimand him or even turn around. She didn’t want to. Not when her heart was shattering inside her chest all over again.
Changmin’s fingers reached out to touch hers, silently breaking into her thoughts as she looked up in surprise and he moved closer to stand by her side. Yoona held on his fingers tight and willed herself to be stronger than how she truly felt. There was no turning back now.
“Oh, hello, Yoona,” Donghae greeted the very second he and Jessica reached them. He looked at ease with his bright smile, his arm softly placed around Jessica’s waist as though it was the most natural thing in the world. Yoona noticed how happy he looked to be with her in his arms. Better than when we were together, she thought bitterly before she could stop herself.
She tried not to grimace as Donghae gestured towards Jessica and introduced her to the group. Her only reassurance came from Changmin’s hands folding hers in between his, anchoring her to be strong which she appreciated more than anything.
“I’d like you all to meet my girlfriend, Jung Sooyeon.” Donghae started, unperturbed by Yoona’s (masked?) uneasiness. He was smiling wide as the lady in his arms blushed prettily beside him and smiled as well. “She’s a fashion designer based in New York and likes to go by her English name, Jessica.”
Jessica nodded her head and greeted each of them warmly, her eyes straying just a little bit longer at Yoona (and Changmin). She was mildly surprised to be in Yoona’s presence again after only meeting her days before, but she didn’t mind so at the same time. She liked Yoona after all, and even more now that she looked at the tall man standing beside her protectively again. A flicker of recognition crossed his features when their eyes met, but -like what her sources informed her - he remained silent all through out the introductions.
She wasn’t surprised of Changmin’s cold shoulder treatment. After all, she was one of those who had driven him away in the first place.
But that was a story for another time. For now, all that Jessica was interested in was who her new friend, Yoona, was to Shim Changmin?
On the other hand, Changmin simply ignored the familiarity he’d seen in Jessica’s face. He knew who she resembled in his mind and he knew her voice even after all this time but he didn’t dare let himself dwell on pursuing the thought any further. He was at a party for a reason, for a business agreement - for Yoona.
That was the only reason he cared for.
“It’s really nice to see you again, Yoona. I didn’t expect to see you again so soon, but I’m glad nonetheless!” She said, smiling wide and stepping forwards. Jessica clasped her hands together and bowed her head slightly, “I want to thank you for recommending that café near the hospital. My mother really liked the caramel macchiato from there, and she isn’t the type to drink anything with milk or caffeine at all. It helped a bit, I think, to ease our transition back to the country.”
“Oh, it’s no problem, really,” Yoona replied, shaking her head. It was hard not to smile back when greeted so warmly, even if a big part of her did feel like tearing her hair out and screaming. “I’m only glad I was able to help in such a small way.”
“I didn’t know you two have already met.” Donghae interrupted sheepishly. He ran a hand through his hair and wrinkled his nose cutely at Jessica while he spoke. He put an arm around the blonde beauty and continued, “Am I missing anything else since I got back from business in New York?”
The couple smiled at each other warmly, gazing into each other’s eyes that it seemed like they noticed nothing else around them. Hyoyeon and Eunhyuk exchanged glances at this before training their eyes towards Yoona’s frozen smile. They pitied their friend but in this situation, both of them knew it was best not to interfere.
Besides, Hyoyeon thought, watching her best friend smile and make small talk from the side. She can take care of herself. She doesn’t need me to but in when she can handle things on her own.
“Oh, I almost forgot!” Yoona exclaimed when she caught sight of Changmin grinning beside her and realized that she’d forgotten all about him. Punching him lightly shoulder while he continued to grin, she linked her arm around his and pulled him closer. She motioned him towards Donghae and Jessica and introduced him as comfortably as she could.
“This is Shim Changmin… my boyfriend,” she started as her hand gripped his forearm close. “Changmin, this is Donghae - one of my father’s associates and Eunhyuk’s friend. And this is Jessica, Donghae’s girlfriend.”
Changmin tried not to wince at how hard she was clutching his arm and nodded in greeting. He went as far as putting a hand over her trembling one in an attempt to calm her, which worked - more or less - as she relaxed under his touch.
/Hello. It’s nice to meet you./ He typed with Yoona’s help, bowing his head again politely. The couple blinked at him at first before turning their attention to the iPad’s screen, clearly confused at his mode of communication.
“He - how should I say this - Changmin doesn’t really talk. He writes instead.” Yoona explained; smiling wide despite herself as Donghae’s brow knotted across his forehead. It was too cute and she couldn’t help but feel a little relieved at how the sinking feeling in her chest faded.
It was sudden, but Yoona wasn’t surprised at all. She’d always known that she couldn’t keep feeling any ill emotions for Donghae, no matter how much she wanted to. Even though he broke her heart with no real explanation and had another woman in his arms, she could never be angry with him. It was just impossible. Yoona loved him too much to feel beaten or betrayed.
“That’s peculiar… but if you like that about him, then I guess it’s okay.” Donghae replied, grinning. He held out his hand and shook Changmin’s hand, “It’s nice to meet you too, Changmin. Make sure to take care of her, alright? He’s my boss’ daughter after all.”
/Don’t worry. She’s in good hands./ Changmin reassured, smiling good naturedly. Yoona’s ex doesn’t seem like he’s some stupid person, he thought. Rather it seemed to him like Donghae every bit an intelligent and capable man. There was hardly anything threatening about him really, and like Eunhyuk said - he was a good guy in all accounts.
Maybe their relationship just ran its’ course, He figured, glancing back at Yoona laughing at something Donghae had mentioned about his recent trip. His lips lifted at the brightness of her smile and felt strangely relieved that the anxiety across her features had finally disappeared. His sisters’ had told him once that a smile could make anyone shine, but thinking about it now - there was nothing brighter than a smile on Yoona’s lips.
Her lips. His eyes lowered to the soft folds of skin before he could stop himself, glossed and pink while she laughed unaware of his stare. To be honest, Changmin hasn’t stopped thinking about her lips since that day she’d dragged him around to buy his suit. Maybe it was just that he was uncomfortable of wearing something tailor-made or that he hasn’t kissed a girl in awhile since the last date Kyuhyun had shoved to his face but there was something about those to slips of flesh that intrigued him to no end.
They were rosy pair, symmetrical with only the lower lip slightly fuller than the other. They were moist with gloss or whatever it was that she put on and called to him whenever she spoke or said none at all. If he were being honest to himself, he would have wanted to pull her away just so he could touch those lips and feel them under his fingers. Maybe he’d even permit himself to pull those twin slips of flesh with his…
That is if the situation were different.
If only they weren’t playing pretend and exchanging services (monetary for her, physical for him) over to their own favors.
/I think I’ll get something to drink. Would you like something, Yoona?/ Changmin wrote, steering his eyes to anywhere but her lips.
Yoona looked at him in surprise when he pulled at her elbow and slowly nodded when she read his words, turning to him just so to catch the lapels of his coat and pull him closer. Heat rushed through him as she inspected him, patting down his shirt and fixing his tie with her soft hands. His heart pounded away in his chest, thumping to a beat he hardly knew. Her lips pulled slightly when she spoke, and it took him every ounce of will not to coax his own onto hers just so he could feel them tremble under his touch.
Would her lips tremble if I kissed her? Changmin doesn’t think he’ll ever let himself know.
“I’d like some champagne, if you don’t mind. And thanks, darling.” Yoona smiled at him easily, the endearment tumbling out of her mouth so naturally he almost believed it. Instead he nodded once and took a step back, turning away to let out a breath he didn’t know he held in when she was so so close.
He hardly noticed their company speak just as he left and only realized her presence when she’d stepped in time with him. Changmin didn’t have to look to know who it was - appearances may have changed but he doubted that he would ever forget her voice.
“The last I saw we saw each other, you were barely reaching the top cupboard. Nowadays, I think you’d be able to get anything if you really wanted it.” Jessica said, grinning as they made their way towards the refreshment table. She expected no response and that was certainly what she got.
She didn’t mind. She was prepared for this.
The crowd parted as they passed, whispering along the way at the newcomers’ appearances and their involvement to certain people.
(“Isn’t that the New York designer? She came with Donghae, didn’t she?” “President Im said he met his future son-in-law just now… do you suppose that’s him?” “She’s quite beautiful but cold looking, I think. Are you sure Donghae is seeing her?” “He doesn’t seem to talk at all from what I hear. I wonder why Miss Yoona would date him.”)
They reached the table without much trouble, easily ignoring the whispers that surrounded them all the while. She ordered for them with her golden smile, flipping her hair over her shoulder as she did so and watched him look back at where they came from silently. Jessica knew that no doubt Donghae would be telling them funny anecdotes from his recent trip and that their company would be laughing when they came back - but there was something about the way Changmin chose to stare that made her heart lilt with familiarity.
There was a look of love in his eyes - unbridled now that he was away from the one Jessica supposed he was hiding it from. Suppose that answered her mind’s earlier question… and now to more pressing matters.
They waited patiently for their drinks to be poured, neither speaking as the crowd moved on around them. He looked too far away, gripping his iPad under his arm as she continued to watch him silently. Changmin might have felt uncomfortable with her gaze, but he didn’t let on. He didn’t let on anyone of his feelings.
As he should… Jessica smiled tenderly, feeling a wave of compassion awash her as she stood. After all, he was taught to keep his emotions to himself.
“You were taught better manners than that you know.” She began, nudging him with her elbow. He didn’t turn, didn’t even move. “It was in the house rules, under number 4: Always greet your family with respect.”
Changmin stood up a little straighter at her spoken words, though he still refused to face her. Jessica continued without a bother, even as the drinks came and he made no move to get them.
“Greet your family with respect. That includes your older sister, no?”
“I love her.” He begins slowly, suddenly and enunciating the words with such a finality that she could hardly remember to breathe. “I want to marry her, but I’m still not sure how to ask her just yet.”
Donghae said this on the very second Eunhyuk and Hyoyeon left to have a dance, ten minutes after Changmin and Jessica departed to get refreshments and five after he told her a funny story about a New York man and his dog. If Yoona knew any better she would have thought he’d planned to cage her all along with the sudden announcement, rendering her speechless and her mind reeling as her eyes widened in shock. Her heart was unconsciously ripped out of her, brutally crushed under the words he’d just spoken so nonchalantly.
The muscle lurched against her chest in thumps too strong. Heart attack? Her mind thought briefly, spinning for a moment over medical terms and such as though she was in school and on the spot. Myocardial ischemia? CVD?
Except she wasn’t in school or on the spot. She wasn’t anywhere near a hospital or her professors. She was in her own home, in a gorgeous dress and in front of the man she loved as he kicked and mashed his heart under his heel.
“Is it too soon for me to say this to you?” Donghae said quickly in panic, his eyes widening at the sudden paleness her skin took to his declaration. He mentally kicked himself for being too rash, completely forgetting their situation - their break-up that hadn’t ended in better terms that he’d hoped for. “I’m sorry. I forgot about that rule. Three months or other before…”
“Don’t… please.” Yoona started, wheezing almost of air as his eyes worriedly looked into hers. “I-I was just surprised is all. You just said it all of a sudden that I…”
“Forgot to breathe?” he finished for her, smiling just a little bit that she felt torn into wanting to beat him and kiss him for being a handsome pompous ass at the same time. He let out a nervous chuckle at himself and looked away, realizing his mistake immediately. He always was bad at keeping time with his jokes; they usually always were too flat or horrible in deliver. Often falling short of the mood when he told them, and this was exactly one of those times.
Donghae cleared his throat, glancing around him uneasily. And Yoona felt like hugging him like she always had when he made a mistake. “That wasn’t the right time to joke. Sorry.”
“No, it wasn’t.” She agreed, stopping her hand from reaching to touch him. Her heart twisted painfully as his eyes met hers again and then looked away quickly, searching elsewhere beyond her. Yoona knew better than to follow his gaze but she couldn’t help herself, and when she did - she wished that she hadn’t in the first place.
“Did you… love her before…” she trailed off, not wanting to finish the question. Did you love her before me was what she wanted to ask but couldn’t bring herself to say the words.
Donghae nodded slowly, looking back at her. “Yes. We were together all throughout middle school and highschool. We only broke up because her family moved away.”
“So… you’ve been waiting for her all this time?”
Yoona was afraid of the answer, but she wanted to know. She wanted to know even if it meant putting a stake through her heart bringing her closer and closer to the truth. She realized then how much she didn’t know about him - she felt ashamed.
He sighed, shifting in his stance from left to right. “No. I thought she was never coming back,” he explained, shrugging, “She didn’t even tell me where she was going so I didn’t know where to start. And then after two years in college without hearing from her, I just… when I met you, I… I thought I was over her.”
“Oh.”
“I did, no, I do care about you, Yoona. Still and very much.” He told her, as if trying to appease her aching psyche. It did little to soothe the hurt, but it brought her to step closer. His hand reached out to touch her cheek, lingering only for a moment before he pulled back.
Only rightly so as their respective partners had just come back with both of them sporting unusual expressions on their faces. Yoona tried to breathe normally when Changmin stepped close, assessing the situation with his intense gaze that directed itself to her after a moment. She tried to smile to reassure but found she couldn’t as Jessica wound herself towards Donghae and kissed him tenderly on the cheek - like a woman in love who couldn’t keep herself far from the man her heart beat for.
The muscle in her chest tilted against her chest and Yoona choked back a sob in her throat. She downed her glass of champagne in one gulp, much to everyone’s (Changmin’s, Donghae’s and Jessica’s) surprise and slammed it over the free table beside them.
“Can we dance?” She said more than asked briskly, pulling Changmin out into the floor and away from the couple without another look back. She placed his hands over her waist roughly; not caring of the surprised looks people threw them and put hers over his shoulders.
Tears began to spring into her eyes as they began to sway to the music and she breathed deeply when Changmin’s eyes stared down into hers again. She shook her head, lowering her eyes from his. “Don’t look at me, okay?” She said uncertainly, her tone afraid and hurt, “Just dance with me for awhile.”
Feeling him nod once at her request, Yoona sighed in relief as the music lulled her aching heart. The lyrics of the song calmed her as they swayed in time, his hands holding her as close as she wanted them to be.
[ It's gonna hurt when it heals too / It'll all get better in time ]
I know this song, Yoona thought to herself as they danced. Couples all around began to fill the floor and sway as well but she paid no attention to them as she listened to the song playing through the room.
[ I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to / It'll all get better in time ]
“This is the song you played for me when we first met…” Yoona said to him softly, raising her head to look at him. Though she felt like crying her heart out, a small smile graced her lips as she spoke. “You remember?”
Without his iPad to respond for him (which he left on the table when she pulled him suddenly), Changmin nodded his head to her question. Yeah, I remember, he told her in his mind as they moved to the jazz notes playing. I’m surprised you remember as well.
“I like this song…” She said, drifting off as her gaze dropped again and she remembered the moment when he’d played it for her. The pain was fresh then and even now after Donghae’s sudden declaration. She started to tremble as tears threatened to spill, her voice rough when she added, “He never loved me. Not as much anyway.”
She’d wondered for so long since that day why Donghae would have left her so easily like that. She wanted to horrible answer so she could hate him, something vile so she could despise him forever. But perhaps she should have known not to hope for a terrible reason from him at all. Donghae was a good man, the very best really who loved more than-
Now you know, Yoona. That’s his terrible reason. Yoona told herself helplessly, hating herself for her own weakness. Donghae loved more than anyone, the only problem is that it isn’t you.
And as much as she wanted to hate him - she knew she couldn’t. And that was much a reason to call her an idiot if any.
A tear managed to trail down her cheek as they danced, pooling a drop unto her chin as she shivered. It would have fallen if Changmin hadn’t moved to wipe it away, touching her skin with his fingers gently as he tipped her head to look at him. He stared down at her, appraising the defeated (but surprised) look in her eyes and the slightly tremble of her chin before cupping her cheek so tenderly she could do nothing but watch his face inch closer and closer to hers.
This might have been a mistake but there wasn’t anything in him to stop him from going for what he was about to do. If he doesn’t love you, then I think… His mind wandered off as Changmin’s eyes focused on her lips.
If he doesn’t love you, then I think that maybe I do.
And when his lips met hers, feather light at first and slowly deepening, both of them found that pulling away was the last thing they wanted to do.
Author's Note: Almost four months overdue, yes? Sorry, kids - that's how it is. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter!