Bipolar -- Chapter 08
It was cold that day when he decided to take a giant step and build a home.
He and Jessica had already graduated from high school and were very much in love - that when her parents' died and she refused to leave Korea to go to America with her relatives - it was only natural for them to form a stronger bond and want to stay together. They loved each other after all. And love was every bit the best reason for one person to stay for the other. He didn't even mind if Jessica's younger sister, Krystal, had wanted to live with them too.
"We are a family," she'd whispered on the night they ran away and stayed in his one room flat. Krystal was curled into his futon, snoring softly while he and Jessica huddle together under a blanket on the floor. "I love you."
They formed a family of three all on their own. And everything was right in the world. At least for a while.
Donghae didn't know when it started - how his love could turn so ugly right before his eyes. Jessica has always been perfect for him - sweet, gentle and delicate - his princess. His. Perhaps that was the problem - he thought of her too much, too often... perhaps. He couldn't be sure, and he didn't think twice to dwell on it further. Instead, he stood over her.
He's done that for the past couple of weeks. Always behind closed doors, when he was sure Krystal would be fast asleep and wouldn't hear. Not that she would cry out at all - maybe a whimper, a groan. She'd never scream, and sometimes Donghae asked himself why wouldn't she and whatever answer his mind would conjure would only make him angrier.
"Donghae... I'm not lying. You have to believe me... I would never, Donghae." she'd whisper, over and over again as she reached up to him - mumbling words of love and affection; loyalty. She'd kiss him as well, on his cheeks, lips, neck, everywhere. Though none of that rarely ever did any good to him; and he'd be back to square one, asking himself: How can I hate the one I love?
Jessica was perfect. All soft and beautiful, no one could deny that. He had made sure of it when they were still at school, swirling her around in pinks and smiles and showing her off to anyone who cared to watch. He used to shout over rooftops, 'I love Jung Sooyeon! My Jessica!' and she'd laugh and pout, before leaning in to kiss him- cupping his cheek and holding him close. It didn't take long for people to notice, to admire her - and that was alright with him back then.
Just not now. He'd grind his teeth, waiting outside her office after meeting his producers and would stare down every person who walked in and out of the building. He sometimes felt disgusting, watching - no, stalking his girlfriend when she'd always been so good and faithful to him. But the thought never stayed long enough - not when he'd spot her that first time, walking out of her office building - grinning at a man he never met.
That man looked harmless enough: just a bit shorter than him and lean, with long hair and an infectious grin. Donghae could hear him joke to her from way across the street and he'd felt a burning hate rush through him - though not directed at the man casually leaning in but at her who laughed and smiled and was beautiful.
Jessica was surprised when he walked up to them, his hands buried into his pockets as he bowed and said a muffled "Hello". She had smiled even wider, eyes shining as she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him openly in front of her officemate. "Donghae." She said his name like a prayer, filled with love and devotion and all he had felt at that moment was disgust. They'd walked home that night, with her waving goodbye at her friend and chatting amicably and him feeling angry and disappointed for God knows what reason.
"You whore."
The first time Donghae hit her was an exquisite rush. She had toppled back, surprised and lay at the foot of the bed staring at him, shell-shocked and confused. He was shocked with himself as well, but not because of the horror of what he did but because... he actually liked it. "Donghae... what are you-" He hit her once more, a little harder this time - across her beautiful face and let her cry as she hit the floor again. Then he held her, kissed her, made love to her - and somehow the hate he felt before disappeared. And everything was perfect again.
The second time he hit her was a week after that, and this time the hate was for her working late. She had come home past two in the morning, and he'd been up waiting for her. Jessica had smelled of lavender when she'd left in the morning and now smelt of it less. She smiled at him, setting her keys down on the table and stepped off her shoes - her fluids languid and tired. "I'm home," she whispered, stepping just close enough for a kiss and Donghae knew he had no right to be angry. However, anger does not choose the perfect time. He had slapped her across the face in the living room and dragged her upstairs. She'd been so shocked that she had lost her voice and couldn't cry out when he hit her again and again.
It was a tragic merry-go-round, this push and pull game he brought around her. He'd hate her and love her; hit her then kiss her so many times in those years that he'd lost sight of them in himself and her. He wondered how no one stopped him (He knew that Kibum knew - he'd seen the bruises hiding under her baggy sweater when one arm fell of her shoulder slightly. His friend had looked at him, shocked and pained - and Donghae just knew he'd killed her, him, them without meaning to) - but perhaps, the reason why no one did is that she didn't stop him either.
The day he came home to a note on the kitchen table was a day he'd expected to come sooner than later. As he stared blankly at her cursive writing, at the dried up spots where her tears had been and looked up around him - Donghae knew it was the end.
We were a family. Not anymore.
Donghae stood outside of Siwon's bedroom, tapping his foot impatiently as his neighbor and friend chose one tie after tie in front of a mirror. "Dude. Seriously - it's just dinner. Your ties don't have to match!" he bellowed, rolling his eyes as Siwon pulled the dark blue tie off his neck and replaced it with a black one. "Just pick one already!"
"I shouldn't have told you about that dinner with Miss Hwang." Siwon said, glaring at him from the mirror. He let out a sigh and pulled the tie off, opening one button on his shirt. "That way I wouldn't have to worry about my appearance tonight."
Donghae smirked. "Please. Just admit it; you're ecstatic that Yoona and I managed to get her to agree tonight." It was true to an extent, Donghae mused, not mentioning the fact that Tiffany had no idea that her fate would be Siwon.
"You can interpret it as whatever you please." Siwon grumbled, pulling on his coat and grabbing his keys. He gave him a pointed look as they walked out his door and into the elevator waiting for them. "I assume you'll be dining with Miss Im?"
"Oh... no," he shook his head, looking down at his shoes, "She's bringing someone and so am I."
Siwon's eyebrow quirked, his lips frowning at the thought of having another person accompanying them - one he didn't know. They stepped off the elevator and headed towards his car (it beeped when he clicked on his keys and flashed at them from the left side). As they climbed into their seats, he spoke, "Who?"
"Jung Sooyeon..." he said solemnly, relishing the way each syllable flowed out of his mouth and sighed. He looked out the window as they pulled out from the parking lot - his eyes catching the lights they passed from the street lamps and bustling stores - their glow reminding him of how her smile used to light up his life, "Jessica."
He and Jessica had already graduated from high school and were very much in love - that when her parents' died and she refused to leave Korea to go to America with her relatives - it was only natural for them to form a stronger bond and want to stay together. They loved each other after all. And love was every bit the best reason for one person to stay for the other. He didn't even mind if Jessica's younger sister, Krystal, had wanted to live with them too.
"We are a family," she'd whispered on the night they ran away and stayed in his one room flat. Krystal was curled into his futon, snoring softly while he and Jessica huddle together under a blanket on the floor. "I love you."
They formed a family of three all on their own. And everything was right in the world. At least for a while.
Donghae didn't know when it started - how his love could turn so ugly right before his eyes. Jessica has always been perfect for him - sweet, gentle and delicate - his princess. His. Perhaps that was the problem - he thought of her too much, too often... perhaps. He couldn't be sure, and he didn't think twice to dwell on it further. Instead, he stood over her.
He's done that for the past couple of weeks. Always behind closed doors, when he was sure Krystal would be fast asleep and wouldn't hear. Not that she would cry out at all - maybe a whimper, a groan. She'd never scream, and sometimes Donghae asked himself why wouldn't she and whatever answer his mind would conjure would only make him angrier.
"Donghae... I'm not lying. You have to believe me... I would never, Donghae." she'd whisper, over and over again as she reached up to him - mumbling words of love and affection; loyalty. She'd kiss him as well, on his cheeks, lips, neck, everywhere. Though none of that rarely ever did any good to him; and he'd be back to square one, asking himself: How can I hate the one I love?
Jessica was perfect. All soft and beautiful, no one could deny that. He had made sure of it when they were still at school, swirling her around in pinks and smiles and showing her off to anyone who cared to watch. He used to shout over rooftops, 'I love Jung Sooyeon! My Jessica!' and she'd laugh and pout, before leaning in to kiss him- cupping his cheek and holding him close. It didn't take long for people to notice, to admire her - and that was alright with him back then.
Just not now. He'd grind his teeth, waiting outside her office after meeting his producers and would stare down every person who walked in and out of the building. He sometimes felt disgusting, watching - no, stalking his girlfriend when she'd always been so good and faithful to him. But the thought never stayed long enough - not when he'd spot her that first time, walking out of her office building - grinning at a man he never met.
That man looked harmless enough: just a bit shorter than him and lean, with long hair and an infectious grin. Donghae could hear him joke to her from way across the street and he'd felt a burning hate rush through him - though not directed at the man casually leaning in but at her who laughed and smiled and was beautiful.
Jessica was surprised when he walked up to them, his hands buried into his pockets as he bowed and said a muffled "Hello". She had smiled even wider, eyes shining as she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him openly in front of her officemate. "Donghae." She said his name like a prayer, filled with love and devotion and all he had felt at that moment was disgust. They'd walked home that night, with her waving goodbye at her friend and chatting amicably and him feeling angry and disappointed for God knows what reason.
"You whore."
The first time Donghae hit her was an exquisite rush. She had toppled back, surprised and lay at the foot of the bed staring at him, shell-shocked and confused. He was shocked with himself as well, but not because of the horror of what he did but because... he actually liked it. "Donghae... what are you-" He hit her once more, a little harder this time - across her beautiful face and let her cry as she hit the floor again. Then he held her, kissed her, made love to her - and somehow the hate he felt before disappeared. And everything was perfect again.
The second time he hit her was a week after that, and this time the hate was for her working late. She had come home past two in the morning, and he'd been up waiting for her. Jessica had smelled of lavender when she'd left in the morning and now smelt of it less. She smiled at him, setting her keys down on the table and stepped off her shoes - her fluids languid and tired. "I'm home," she whispered, stepping just close enough for a kiss and Donghae knew he had no right to be angry. However, anger does not choose the perfect time. He had slapped her across the face in the living room and dragged her upstairs. She'd been so shocked that she had lost her voice and couldn't cry out when he hit her again and again.
It was a tragic merry-go-round, this push and pull game he brought around her. He'd hate her and love her; hit her then kiss her so many times in those years that he'd lost sight of them in himself and her. He wondered how no one stopped him (He knew that Kibum knew - he'd seen the bruises hiding under her baggy sweater when one arm fell of her shoulder slightly. His friend had looked at him, shocked and pained - and Donghae just knew he'd killed her, him, them without meaning to) - but perhaps, the reason why no one did is that she didn't stop him either.
The day he came home to a note on the kitchen table was a day he'd expected to come sooner than later. As he stared blankly at her cursive writing, at the dried up spots where her tears had been and looked up around him - Donghae knew it was the end.
We were a family. Not anymore.
Donghae stood outside of Siwon's bedroom, tapping his foot impatiently as his neighbor and friend chose one tie after tie in front of a mirror. "Dude. Seriously - it's just dinner. Your ties don't have to match!" he bellowed, rolling his eyes as Siwon pulled the dark blue tie off his neck and replaced it with a black one. "Just pick one already!"
"I shouldn't have told you about that dinner with Miss Hwang." Siwon said, glaring at him from the mirror. He let out a sigh and pulled the tie off, opening one button on his shirt. "That way I wouldn't have to worry about my appearance tonight."
Donghae smirked. "Please. Just admit it; you're ecstatic that Yoona and I managed to get her to agree tonight." It was true to an extent, Donghae mused, not mentioning the fact that Tiffany had no idea that her fate would be Siwon.
"You can interpret it as whatever you please." Siwon grumbled, pulling on his coat and grabbing his keys. He gave him a pointed look as they walked out his door and into the elevator waiting for them. "I assume you'll be dining with Miss Im?"
"Oh... no," he shook his head, looking down at his shoes, "She's bringing someone and so am I."
Siwon's eyebrow quirked, his lips frowning at the thought of having another person accompanying them - one he didn't know. They stepped off the elevator and headed towards his car (it beeped when he clicked on his keys and flashed at them from the left side). As they climbed into their seats, he spoke, "Who?"
"Jung Sooyeon..." he said solemnly, relishing the way each syllable flowed out of his mouth and sighed. He looked out the window as they pulled out from the parking lot - his eyes catching the lights they passed from the street lamps and bustling stores - their glow reminding him of how her smile used to light up his life, "Jessica."