/A Perfect Day for A Love Declaration/ Day Nineteen
a perfect day for a love declaration
day nineteen ★ when truths hurt and heal
"You're working too hard." My mother walked into my office carefully, watching me from behind the desk. My father set up this office for me to work, as he wished I would work someday... and, well--I looked at her without saying a word and she shook her head at me. "Honestly, you're starting to look like your father. Always with his head between mounds of paperwork. It's not all that attractive."
"Says the woman who married my father," I replied dryly. I took another folder out of the pile on my desk and began sifting through it. She sighed, taking a seat in front of me. I waited for her to say something -- anything -- but she said nothing and just looked at me. I shook my head at her, putting down my pen. "Are you really going to stare at me the whole time I'm working here?"
"Only if you say so," she replied, smiling. I couldn't help but smile back. My mother is not the most openly affectionate mother in the world, but she's had her moments -- and I've always loved them regardless of how few they were.
I folded my arms in front of me on the desk and raised an eyebrow. "What is it that you want to tell me? I know there must be a reason why you're here. Did something happen at home?"
"Nothing's happened at home, dear. I only wanted to check on you to see how you're doing. You've been working yourself ragged ever since you came back from that trip with your friends." My mother looked at me expectantly. "Did something happen while you were there?"
I shook my head, turning back to my papers and scribbling. "No. Nothing happened." I said, more to myself than to her. "Why do you ask?"
She shrugged, pulling out a paper from her purse and setting it down on my desk. "I gave this to Yuri yesterday and asked her to ask you to check the guest list if we left anybody out. She gave it back to me later in the afternoon," she pointed down at the list.
I looked at where my mother pointed, my eyes widening when I saw Yoona's name crossed off.
Noting my expression, she continued with a perplexed tone, "I was surprised to see that Miss Yoona's name was off the list. I didn't think you didn't want her in the wedding, Changmin."
"But I didn't know you gave Yuri this list. She never told me about it." I replied, staring down at the list again. "What time did you give this to her?"
"In the morning, just before she bounded into your apartment with bags of breakfast," she replied, "Should I assume that you did not want to take Yoona off your wedding?"
"Of course not. I want her there." I said. My expression softened as I traced her name with a finger. I sighed; the next words I muttered, tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them: "Next to me if that were possible."
I glanced at my mother, half expecting a glare and a lecture but was relieved (albeit, a bit confused) to see her return my words with a small, understanding smile on her face. She put a hand on my own and squeezed it gently. "You've always known, haven't you? About my feelings for Yoona." I said, looking down at our hands. She chuckled, nodding her head slowly.
"Of course I have. What mother would I be if I didn't notice my son falling in love. I may be cold, Changmin -- but I was never heartless." She replied, giving me a look.
"I've known since she came climbing through your window on your birthday all those years ago..." Mother replied, cracking a smile on her face. I felt the curves of my own lips rising as the memory flashed through my mind. She continued, "I've known since you asked me to consider letting her father work for your company under my supervision. And he's actually doing very well, considering what a mess he made of his company before. He was even able to bring up such a bright woman."
I shrugged, pulling my hands up into a prayer and let my forehead rest on them. "Then if you've always known, why can't you stop Dad from controlling my life? He only listens to you; you could've stopped him and let me go free."
"What good would that have done if everything was given to you on a silver platter?" she replied, shaking her head. "I know it's cruel, Changmin but you were idealistic back then. Too young to make such a huge decision for your future. You weren't ready."
"If I had done something, you would not have learned how to truly love and sacrifice. You wouldn't have grown up to be who you are now."
I thought about this silently, weighing her words. There was some truth in them -- I was young, and I was idealistic. I didn't know where I was headed; I only knew who I wanted to be there to join me.
"I grew up, didn't I? I'm able to run a business by myself now and handle a firm as an associate but for some reason, I'm still stuck following his orders like a dog. It's infuriating."
"It's because you're loyal. Believe it or not, you do look up to your father more than you would like to admit. And you're a lot like him if you really think about it." She replied, chuckling. "You're both driven, determined to finish whatever you set out to accomplish. Although your goals and means are different -- the two of you share a trait the women who love you admire most."
"And what would that be?"
"Bravery. Valor. Guts." She noted words off like a list. "Bordering martyrdom, if you will. Both of you are so willing to sacrifice anything for the people you love; even if it means putting your own feelings aside and crushing them,"
"Somehow I can't picture him doing that last bit," I said, furrowing my brow.
Mother laughed, shaking her head. "That's where you're wrong, Changmin. Your father loves you more than you think he does. He just doesn't necessarily know how to show it. The same way you don't know how to show your love for Yoona without beating around a bush."
"I'm not that bad, am I?"
She shook her head again. "No. But if anything is infuriating, it's the way you Shim men are unable to say 'I love you' face to face."
"Well, then she's better off with someone who could." I said, my jaw clenching.
"You don't mean that."
I scoffed. "Of course not."
"Then you should tell her. Face to face, with no distractions or thoughts about the wedding."
"Right -- as if I'd be able to, with Dad's men watching my every move and hers. There would be no chance for me to do that. I'm getting married... in two days."
My mother stood up, putting a hand on my shoulder (squeezing softly) then flashed a mysterious smile. "You'd be surprised when an opportunity might present itself."
She turned and left, walking out my door with a swish of her coat, leaving me questioning her last words.
"Mom? Dad? I'm home." I called, setting down my things on the floor while I removed my shoes.
It had been a long day, settling everything with Kibum to take charge in Yuri and Changmin's reception preparations. Kibum was more or less shocked when I told him I wouldn't be in the wedding for an 'urgent family matter I had to attend to' but luckily he didn't ask any more questions. And frankly, I didn't want to answer anymore.
Receiving a call from Yuri to not attend her wedding the day before didn't shock me as much as I expected it would. Somehow, I knew she would do it (take me off her list and put Sooyoung as her maid of honor in the last minute). She had told me she loved him after all. She loved him.
"Honey? Is that you?" My dad's voice rang out, interrupting my trance and bringing me back to reality. I put on a smile on my face and bounded towards him, giving him a hug. "How are you? How's work?"
I shrugged, pulling off my coat and sitting down on the couch next to him. "It's fine. I thought I would take a few days off to visit you and mom. Where is she by the way?"
"She went out to buy some groceries for dinner. She should be back in a few minutes." He said, brushing my hair away and giving me another hug. "I've missed you, my Yoona. I don't think I'll ever get over the fact that you live on your own now and not with me."
"I'll always be your little girl, Dad. And I'm just a city away," I replied, wrinkling my nose. "How about you? How is your work doing for... what was it? MacShim? I heard from mom a few weeks back that they've promoted you to executive for your hard work. Congratulations!"
"Oh it's nothing to celebrate, after all -- it was your friend who offered me the job in the first place. All thanks go to him." He replied, his last few words taking me off guard. I raised my eyebrow at him, eyeing my dad's frame suspiciously.
"Which friend are you talking about? None of the people I know work in MacShim Corp."
"Oh?" My dad blinked, his brow creasing. "But you introduced him to your mother and I when you were in still in University. He came by after the week I lost my company and offered me a position in the corporation just as it was getting more successful. His mother handles most of the affairs but he still manages a lot of the projects regardless."
He shrugged, "I didn't know he didn't tell you about it. He's been back for a few months now."
Back for a few months... My head whirled in confusion as everything sunk into my consciousness. I pursed my lips, thinking of something to say when the door opened and my mother's cheerful greeting rang out. I decided not to say anything and pulled on a smile for Mom -- only to stop short when I realized she had someone carrying her grocery bags for her. "Oh -- Changmin... hi..." I said, trailing off and staring at him.
Changmin stood motionless for a moment, gripping the bags in his hands but said nothing. He nodded in my direction, smiling sheepishly and setting the bags down on the floor. He walked over to shake my father's hand -- his arm grazing mine as he passed, sending shivers down my spine and leaving me unable to breathe. Then (slowly, so slowly) he turned to help Mom put the bags into the kitchen, without much looking at me.
"Changmin saw me walking down the street carrying these bags and offered to drive me back home. He practically insisted, actually." My mother beamed, patting Changmin on the shoulder (he turned red, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. Almost... cute, my mind supplied). "I always to you I liked him didn't I, Yoona?" She glanced at me with that look (the one she had when I introduced him (and Kibum) years ago. The look that said, "He's the boy you like, eh?"). I shrugged in response, trying not to blush red myself.
Mom laughed, and I cringed.
"I was just telling Yoona about you, Changmin. About you giving me a job--" I whirled around and blinked up to my father shocked.
"What? That was Changmin?"
He raised an eyebrow at me. "Who else would it be? It's quite obvious, actually. The name, MacShim, does contain his last name."
Oh... right. "Huh... I didn't think about that." I was trying not to. "That's awfully nice of him to do." Was it because I told you about our troubles back then? I looked back at Changmin helping my mother pull out groceries. His expression was taut, nervous; he glanced my way -- only for a moment -- but said nothing. It seems like he didn't want me to know about it.
I bit my lower lip, watching him from across the room and thinking about him, my father's job and... just everything. You still looked out for me, even after all the horrible things you said back then, huh? I sighed, softly so no one would hear. My father's hand was warm when he laid it on my shoulder and I looked at him, almost mystified by everything. "Why don't you ask him to stay for dinner?" He said, nodding towards Changmin's direction.
When I didn't reply, he decided to ask him himself: "Why don't you stay for dinner, eh Changmin?"
Changmin chuckled, looking at me but responded to my father's question, "I don't want to burden any of you, Mr. Im -- I should get going anyway." He bowed politely to my parents, and then with another quick glance at me -- he stepped back and turned towards the door to put on his shoes.
I can't exactly explain what happened next, but somehow I was able to grab hold of his arm before he stepped out of the door. He looked at my hand on his arm, surprised. I straightened my back and cleared my throat, fixing my blouse for a moment -- not really knowing what to say. "Let me walk you to your car at least," I said quickly. "I have some stuff I want to discuss with you about your reception."
"Oh," Changmin nodded and I looked back to my parents as he stepped out. They gave me a smile (something about their smiles made me nervous) and nodded. I took a deep breath and stepped out to follow him, grabbing my jacket and pulling it on almost clumsily.
"Where did you park your car?" I asked, trying to find the jacket's arm and failing miserably. The air was cold, and my hands shook as I tried to pull on my apparel. Changmin stood a few steps away, watching me before laughing out loud and shaking his head. I glared at him (It's not my fault this jacket won't cooperate, damn it). "Shut up, Changmin."
He took a few steps towards me, holding out the jacket's arm for me. He was too close for comfort but I didn't say anything, ignoring the rush of heat towards my cheeks and slipped my arm inside the jacket. Changmin was quiet too, fixing the jacket's collar around my neck and avoiding my eyes. "There you go," he breathed (his breath was warm and smelt of mint) -- smoothing out the cloth over my shoulders. "Better?"
I nodded lamely, stepping away from him. Getting married, too close. "So where's your car again?"
"A block and a half from here. It was the closest I could park, with all these cars around." He said, motioning about the cars that were parked in front of our neighbors' homes. "Are you sure you want to walk with me? You don't have to."
"No," I shook my head, "It's fine. I want to walk with you..." I said that last part softer, looking at another direction. I could feel his eyes on me, watching -- waiting.
"... okay." Changmin said finally, after a moment of silence. He let out a deep breath and we started walking, slowly. The tension was there in his voice, I could tell -- and even more, the silence of the night made it even more unbearable.
"So..."
"Did something happen today?" Changmin said suddenly, his tone sounding heavy. We walked silently along a path, some leaves crushing under our heels. I trailed off, waiting for him to continue and dreading it. "My mother came by at the office today and said you were off the wedding entourage and that Yuri appointed Sooyoung as her Maid of Honor -- Did something happen?"
It's not something I can tell you. "Nothing happened. I just didn't feel comfortable being the Maid of Honor and caterer, you know. Too much work, stress~" I said, making hand movements to appear nonchalant -- although I think the tightness in my voice gave me away. My hands shivered from the cold (the nervousness) and I pulled them into a fists. "I'll still be there, don't worry. I'll just be behind the scenes."
He stopped walking.
"Changmin?" I called, stopping just a step away. "I told you, it's going to be fine--"
"But I don't want you to be."
"But I don't want you to be." Yoona looked confused -- maybe even a little nervous, with the way she held herself and pulled on her jacket. "I don't want you to be 'behind the scenes' like you said."
"Right," she turned to face me, "but weren't you behind the scenes when you offered my father a job in your company?"
Somehow I expected her to respond with that.
Yoona laughed airily, not really feeling it. "I didn't even know you had a company. I don't think even Kibum knew about it. You didn't say anything to any of us... again."
"I have a reason, Yoona."
"Of course you have a reason. You always do. But how would I know--?" She stopped, looking uncomfortable with the words tumbling out of her mouth. She turned back, wiping at her cheek and started walking again. "Never mind. Come on, we're almost there."
I grabbed her hand and pulled her back before she could go any further. She tried to pull away, but my grip was strong, stable. She was tense, afraid almost; Don't go. Her hand was inside my own, and I sighed. This was probably the best time of any time I could get.
"My father didn't approve." I said slowly, weighing my words. Yoona visibly relaxed and she turned to face me.
"Didn't approve of what?" she asked, looking up at my face before averting her eyes away. I closed my hands over hers and rubbed them to create warmth. They were cold.
"He caught me planning something for you that day that he didn't quite like." I whispered, looking down at our hands then to her eyes. I pulled one up and brushed hair off her face softly. "He even had me monitored by his guards when we met the day before I left."
"There around here right now, actually. My father doesn't trust me around you."
"Why?" Her voice was trembling.
It's not something I can tell you now. "It won't change anything I did if I told you now."
She looked perplexed then let her hands go limp in mine before removing them. I fought back the urge of grabbing hold of them again. "Right. It won't matter now anyway. You're getting married in two days after all." Yoona breathed, sighing.
We start walking again, the silence surrounding us becoming even more deafening in each step. I decided to speak:
"You know... just because I left without saying anything, it doesn't mean I didn't think or worry about you everyday. I loved you each day I was away in Japan, and still everyday I'm here.--" I cleared my throat, "You were never away from my mind; even though I'm sure you thought I never looked back. So I made arrangements in getting your father a job in the company; but I asked my mother to head it so you wouldn't have to find out it was me.
But I guess that's pretty stupid since my name is stamped all over the paperwork."
Yoona nodded slowly, letting everything I said sink in. "Thank you. For watching over my family..."
"I didn't do it just for your family--"
"I know." She said, a small smile cracking into her lips, "That's why--thank you."
We stopped in front of his car and after a minute or two of silence -- just as I was about to open my mouth to speak again -- he opened the door and prepared to get in. My hand reached out before I could stop myself and he paused, looking back at me. My hand was trembling again, but I ignored it -- brushing the hair on his forehead with my fingers.
"I said the last time that I wished I never sat next to you in class so I wouldn't have met you... I didn't mean it." I whispered, staring up to him, "In fact, I wouldn't change it in any other way."
With his eyes fixed on mine, my breath began to shallow. For that moment where everything seemed to slow down to a halt, I pictured the times he and I spent together. Our classes, our laughter, our friendship -- our first meeting, first fight, first kiss... our first--
"You can forget about it if you want."
"Will you?"
"No. I won't."
"Why?"
"Because I love you..."
"I don't regret everything that's happened. I don't regret..." I lifted myself up and let my lips rest on his lightly. Just for a moment as he responded and then (a flash of someone hooded behind him brought me back to reality)-- "because I love you too."
"Yoona--" His voice cracked with emotion.
I ran before he could say anymore to stop me.
/Shim Enterprises, President Shim's office. How may I help you?/
/I would like to ask to see President Shim tomorrow, if possible. There is matter of importance we must discuss./
/Oh? Would tomorrow around 7 o'clock be appropriate for you?/
/Yes. 7 o'clock is fine./
/May I ask who would be meeting the President?/
/... Miss Im Yoona./
The fic 114 pages in the PDF file I'm putting together. Wow. :)
day nineteen ★ when truths hurt and heal
"You're working too hard." My mother walked into my office carefully, watching me from behind the desk. My father set up this office for me to work, as he wished I would work someday... and, well--I looked at her without saying a word and she shook her head at me. "Honestly, you're starting to look like your father. Always with his head between mounds of paperwork. It's not all that attractive."
"Says the woman who married my father," I replied dryly. I took another folder out of the pile on my desk and began sifting through it. She sighed, taking a seat in front of me. I waited for her to say something -- anything -- but she said nothing and just looked at me. I shook my head at her, putting down my pen. "Are you really going to stare at me the whole time I'm working here?"
"Only if you say so," she replied, smiling. I couldn't help but smile back. My mother is not the most openly affectionate mother in the world, but she's had her moments -- and I've always loved them regardless of how few they were.
I folded my arms in front of me on the desk and raised an eyebrow. "What is it that you want to tell me? I know there must be a reason why you're here. Did something happen at home?"
"Nothing's happened at home, dear. I only wanted to check on you to see how you're doing. You've been working yourself ragged ever since you came back from that trip with your friends." My mother looked at me expectantly. "Did something happen while you were there?"
I shook my head, turning back to my papers and scribbling. "No. Nothing happened." I said, more to myself than to her. "Why do you ask?"
She shrugged, pulling out a paper from her purse and setting it down on my desk. "I gave this to Yuri yesterday and asked her to ask you to check the guest list if we left anybody out. She gave it back to me later in the afternoon," she pointed down at the list.
I looked at where my mother pointed, my eyes widening when I saw Yoona's name crossed off.
Noting my expression, she continued with a perplexed tone, "I was surprised to see that Miss Yoona's name was off the list. I didn't think you didn't want her in the wedding, Changmin."
"But I didn't know you gave Yuri this list. She never told me about it." I replied, staring down at the list again. "What time did you give this to her?"
"In the morning, just before she bounded into your apartment with bags of breakfast," she replied, "Should I assume that you did not want to take Yoona off your wedding?"
"Of course not. I want her there." I said. My expression softened as I traced her name with a finger. I sighed; the next words I muttered, tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them: "Next to me if that were possible."
I glanced at my mother, half expecting a glare and a lecture but was relieved (albeit, a bit confused) to see her return my words with a small, understanding smile on her face. She put a hand on my own and squeezed it gently. "You've always known, haven't you? About my feelings for Yoona." I said, looking down at our hands. She chuckled, nodding her head slowly.
"Of course I have. What mother would I be if I didn't notice my son falling in love. I may be cold, Changmin -- but I was never heartless." She replied, giving me a look.
"I've known since she came climbing through your window on your birthday all those years ago..." Mother replied, cracking a smile on her face. I felt the curves of my own lips rising as the memory flashed through my mind. She continued, "I've known since you asked me to consider letting her father work for your company under my supervision. And he's actually doing very well, considering what a mess he made of his company before. He was even able to bring up such a bright woman."
I shrugged, pulling my hands up into a prayer and let my forehead rest on them. "Then if you've always known, why can't you stop Dad from controlling my life? He only listens to you; you could've stopped him and let me go free."
"What good would that have done if everything was given to you on a silver platter?" she replied, shaking her head. "I know it's cruel, Changmin but you were idealistic back then. Too young to make such a huge decision for your future. You weren't ready."
"If I had done something, you would not have learned how to truly love and sacrifice. You wouldn't have grown up to be who you are now."
I thought about this silently, weighing her words. There was some truth in them -- I was young, and I was idealistic. I didn't know where I was headed; I only knew who I wanted to be there to join me.
"I grew up, didn't I? I'm able to run a business by myself now and handle a firm as an associate but for some reason, I'm still stuck following his orders like a dog. It's infuriating."
"It's because you're loyal. Believe it or not, you do look up to your father more than you would like to admit. And you're a lot like him if you really think about it." She replied, chuckling. "You're both driven, determined to finish whatever you set out to accomplish. Although your goals and means are different -- the two of you share a trait the women who love you admire most."
"And what would that be?"
"Bravery. Valor. Guts." She noted words off like a list. "Bordering martyrdom, if you will. Both of you are so willing to sacrifice anything for the people you love; even if it means putting your own feelings aside and crushing them,"
"Somehow I can't picture him doing that last bit," I said, furrowing my brow.
Mother laughed, shaking her head. "That's where you're wrong, Changmin. Your father loves you more than you think he does. He just doesn't necessarily know how to show it. The same way you don't know how to show your love for Yoona without beating around a bush."
"I'm not that bad, am I?"
She shook her head again. "No. But if anything is infuriating, it's the way you Shim men are unable to say 'I love you' face to face."
"Well, then she's better off with someone who could." I said, my jaw clenching.
"You don't mean that."
I scoffed. "Of course not."
"Then you should tell her. Face to face, with no distractions or thoughts about the wedding."
"Right -- as if I'd be able to, with Dad's men watching my every move and hers. There would be no chance for me to do that. I'm getting married... in two days."
My mother stood up, putting a hand on my shoulder (squeezing softly) then flashed a mysterious smile. "You'd be surprised when an opportunity might present itself."
She turned and left, walking out my door with a swish of her coat, leaving me questioning her last words.
"Mom? Dad? I'm home." I called, setting down my things on the floor while I removed my shoes.
It had been a long day, settling everything with Kibum to take charge in Yuri and Changmin's reception preparations. Kibum was more or less shocked when I told him I wouldn't be in the wedding for an 'urgent family matter I had to attend to' but luckily he didn't ask any more questions. And frankly, I didn't want to answer anymore.
Receiving a call from Yuri to not attend her wedding the day before didn't shock me as much as I expected it would. Somehow, I knew she would do it (take me off her list and put Sooyoung as her maid of honor in the last minute). She had told me she loved him after all. She loved him.
"Honey? Is that you?" My dad's voice rang out, interrupting my trance and bringing me back to reality. I put on a smile on my face and bounded towards him, giving him a hug. "How are you? How's work?"
I shrugged, pulling off my coat and sitting down on the couch next to him. "It's fine. I thought I would take a few days off to visit you and mom. Where is she by the way?"
"She went out to buy some groceries for dinner. She should be back in a few minutes." He said, brushing my hair away and giving me another hug. "I've missed you, my Yoona. I don't think I'll ever get over the fact that you live on your own now and not with me."
"I'll always be your little girl, Dad. And I'm just a city away," I replied, wrinkling my nose. "How about you? How is your work doing for... what was it? MacShim? I heard from mom a few weeks back that they've promoted you to executive for your hard work. Congratulations!"
"Oh it's nothing to celebrate, after all -- it was your friend who offered me the job in the first place. All thanks go to him." He replied, his last few words taking me off guard. I raised my eyebrow at him, eyeing my dad's frame suspiciously.
"Which friend are you talking about? None of the people I know work in MacShim Corp."
"Oh?" My dad blinked, his brow creasing. "But you introduced him to your mother and I when you were in still in University. He came by after the week I lost my company and offered me a position in the corporation just as it was getting more successful. His mother handles most of the affairs but he still manages a lot of the projects regardless."
He shrugged, "I didn't know he didn't tell you about it. He's been back for a few months now."
Back for a few months... My head whirled in confusion as everything sunk into my consciousness. I pursed my lips, thinking of something to say when the door opened and my mother's cheerful greeting rang out. I decided not to say anything and pulled on a smile for Mom -- only to stop short when I realized she had someone carrying her grocery bags for her. "Oh -- Changmin... hi..." I said, trailing off and staring at him.
Changmin stood motionless for a moment, gripping the bags in his hands but said nothing. He nodded in my direction, smiling sheepishly and setting the bags down on the floor. He walked over to shake my father's hand -- his arm grazing mine as he passed, sending shivers down my spine and leaving me unable to breathe. Then (slowly, so slowly) he turned to help Mom put the bags into the kitchen, without much looking at me.
"Changmin saw me walking down the street carrying these bags and offered to drive me back home. He practically insisted, actually." My mother beamed, patting Changmin on the shoulder (he turned red, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. Almost... cute, my mind supplied). "I always to you I liked him didn't I, Yoona?" She glanced at me with that look (the one she had when I introduced him (and Kibum) years ago. The look that said, "He's the boy you like, eh?"). I shrugged in response, trying not to blush red myself.
Mom laughed, and I cringed.
"I was just telling Yoona about you, Changmin. About you giving me a job--" I whirled around and blinked up to my father shocked.
"What? That was Changmin?"
He raised an eyebrow at me. "Who else would it be? It's quite obvious, actually. The name, MacShim, does contain his last name."
Oh... right. "Huh... I didn't think about that." I was trying not to. "That's awfully nice of him to do." Was it because I told you about our troubles back then? I looked back at Changmin helping my mother pull out groceries. His expression was taut, nervous; he glanced my way -- only for a moment -- but said nothing. It seems like he didn't want me to know about it.
I bit my lower lip, watching him from across the room and thinking about him, my father's job and... just everything. You still looked out for me, even after all the horrible things you said back then, huh? I sighed, softly so no one would hear. My father's hand was warm when he laid it on my shoulder and I looked at him, almost mystified by everything. "Why don't you ask him to stay for dinner?" He said, nodding towards Changmin's direction.
When I didn't reply, he decided to ask him himself: "Why don't you stay for dinner, eh Changmin?"
Changmin chuckled, looking at me but responded to my father's question, "I don't want to burden any of you, Mr. Im -- I should get going anyway." He bowed politely to my parents, and then with another quick glance at me -- he stepped back and turned towards the door to put on his shoes.
I can't exactly explain what happened next, but somehow I was able to grab hold of his arm before he stepped out of the door. He looked at my hand on his arm, surprised. I straightened my back and cleared my throat, fixing my blouse for a moment -- not really knowing what to say. "Let me walk you to your car at least," I said quickly. "I have some stuff I want to discuss with you about your reception."
"Oh," Changmin nodded and I looked back to my parents as he stepped out. They gave me a smile (something about their smiles made me nervous) and nodded. I took a deep breath and stepped out to follow him, grabbing my jacket and pulling it on almost clumsily.
"Where did you park your car?" I asked, trying to find the jacket's arm and failing miserably. The air was cold, and my hands shook as I tried to pull on my apparel. Changmin stood a few steps away, watching me before laughing out loud and shaking his head. I glared at him (It's not my fault this jacket won't cooperate, damn it). "Shut up, Changmin."
He took a few steps towards me, holding out the jacket's arm for me. He was too close for comfort but I didn't say anything, ignoring the rush of heat towards my cheeks and slipped my arm inside the jacket. Changmin was quiet too, fixing the jacket's collar around my neck and avoiding my eyes. "There you go," he breathed (his breath was warm and smelt of mint) -- smoothing out the cloth over my shoulders. "Better?"
I nodded lamely, stepping away from him. Getting married, too close. "So where's your car again?"
"A block and a half from here. It was the closest I could park, with all these cars around." He said, motioning about the cars that were parked in front of our neighbors' homes. "Are you sure you want to walk with me? You don't have to."
"No," I shook my head, "It's fine. I want to walk with you..." I said that last part softer, looking at another direction. I could feel his eyes on me, watching -- waiting.
"... okay." Changmin said finally, after a moment of silence. He let out a deep breath and we started walking, slowly. The tension was there in his voice, I could tell -- and even more, the silence of the night made it even more unbearable.
"So..."
"Did something happen today?" Changmin said suddenly, his tone sounding heavy. We walked silently along a path, some leaves crushing under our heels. I trailed off, waiting for him to continue and dreading it. "My mother came by at the office today and said you were off the wedding entourage and that Yuri appointed Sooyoung as her Maid of Honor -- Did something happen?"
It's not something I can tell you. "Nothing happened. I just didn't feel comfortable being the Maid of Honor and caterer, you know. Too much work, stress~" I said, making hand movements to appear nonchalant -- although I think the tightness in my voice gave me away. My hands shivered from the cold (the nervousness) and I pulled them into a fists. "I'll still be there, don't worry. I'll just be behind the scenes."
He stopped walking.
"Changmin?" I called, stopping just a step away. "I told you, it's going to be fine--"
"But I don't want you to be."
"But I don't want you to be." Yoona looked confused -- maybe even a little nervous, with the way she held herself and pulled on her jacket. "I don't want you to be 'behind the scenes' like you said."
"Right," she turned to face me, "but weren't you behind the scenes when you offered my father a job in your company?"
Somehow I expected her to respond with that.
Yoona laughed airily, not really feeling it. "I didn't even know you had a company. I don't think even Kibum knew about it. You didn't say anything to any of us... again."
"I have a reason, Yoona."
"Of course you have a reason. You always do. But how would I know--?" She stopped, looking uncomfortable with the words tumbling out of her mouth. She turned back, wiping at her cheek and started walking again. "Never mind. Come on, we're almost there."
I grabbed her hand and pulled her back before she could go any further. She tried to pull away, but my grip was strong, stable. She was tense, afraid almost; Don't go. Her hand was inside my own, and I sighed. This was probably the best time of any time I could get.
"My father didn't approve." I said slowly, weighing my words. Yoona visibly relaxed and she turned to face me.
"Didn't approve of what?" she asked, looking up at my face before averting her eyes away. I closed my hands over hers and rubbed them to create warmth. They were cold.
"He caught me planning something for you that day that he didn't quite like." I whispered, looking down at our hands then to her eyes. I pulled one up and brushed hair off her face softly. "He even had me monitored by his guards when we met the day before I left."
"There around here right now, actually. My father doesn't trust me around you."
"Why?" Her voice was trembling.
It's not something I can tell you now. "It won't change anything I did if I told you now."
She looked perplexed then let her hands go limp in mine before removing them. I fought back the urge of grabbing hold of them again. "Right. It won't matter now anyway. You're getting married in two days after all." Yoona breathed, sighing.
We start walking again, the silence surrounding us becoming even more deafening in each step. I decided to speak:
"You know... just because I left without saying anything, it doesn't mean I didn't think or worry about you everyday. I loved you each day I was away in Japan, and still everyday I'm here.--" I cleared my throat, "You were never away from my mind; even though I'm sure you thought I never looked back. So I made arrangements in getting your father a job in the company; but I asked my mother to head it so you wouldn't have to find out it was me.
But I guess that's pretty stupid since my name is stamped all over the paperwork."
Yoona nodded slowly, letting everything I said sink in. "Thank you. For watching over my family..."
"I didn't do it just for your family--"
"I know." She said, a small smile cracking into her lips, "That's why--thank you."
We stopped in front of his car and after a minute or two of silence -- just as I was about to open my mouth to speak again -- he opened the door and prepared to get in. My hand reached out before I could stop myself and he paused, looking back at me. My hand was trembling again, but I ignored it -- brushing the hair on his forehead with my fingers.
"I said the last time that I wished I never sat next to you in class so I wouldn't have met you... I didn't mean it." I whispered, staring up to him, "In fact, I wouldn't change it in any other way."
With his eyes fixed on mine, my breath began to shallow. For that moment where everything seemed to slow down to a halt, I pictured the times he and I spent together. Our classes, our laughter, our friendship -- our first meeting, first fight, first kiss... our first--
"You can forget about it if you want."
"Will you?"
"No. I won't."
"Why?"
"Because I love you..."
"I don't regret everything that's happened. I don't regret..." I lifted myself up and let my lips rest on his lightly. Just for a moment as he responded and then (a flash of someone hooded behind him brought me back to reality)-- "because I love you too."
"Yoona--" His voice cracked with emotion.
I ran before he could say anymore to stop me.
/Shim Enterprises, President Shim's office. How may I help you?/
/I would like to ask to see President Shim tomorrow, if possible. There is matter of importance we must discuss./
/Oh? Would tomorrow around 7 o'clock be appropriate for you?/
/Yes. 7 o'clock is fine./
/May I ask who would be meeting the President?/
/... Miss Im Yoona./
The fic 114 pages in the PDF file I'm putting together. Wow. :)