the most crappiest thing I have written in all my life omFg
The Royalties and The Peasant.
hikarilet, g/pg, crack
I literally wrote this under one hour and until now I am still in the state of "what the fuck did i write-ness". I'm gomen to everyone who will be scarred and disgusted horrifically from this fic. This is for monestry (would also be for burnttangerine if it wasn't so horrible) I'm gomen x 100000 but then you asked for it, ecchichan ;; I told you it was horrible.
thinking of privating this bcs its that horrible.
DONT READ IF YOU CANT TAKE ALL THE CRAP AND UNBETAED STUFF
Sir Goldilot Toualeta is someone who appreciates beauty - and seeing his grand self in the mirror across the room made him feel gurgly inside; he really is the best looking toilet in all the land, he mused.
“I must excuse myself from the table, it is time for me to meet Sir Goldilot,” a voice like bells in the spring (idek) rang outside his chamber and Sir Goldilot prepared to meet his fiance: Princess Ari from the neighbouring region (The Land of Bed). The Great Elegant Moe Princess by 24/7, A mischievous, rough nature, fujotakuNEET (oh yeah) by any time she's with her fiance and in front of the computer. (which you know takes up more than half of the day already).
Sir Goldilot lets out a sigh at his childhood friend slash fiance's noisy entrance. Princess Ari has been spending lots of time now with him compared to when they were younger, (which their parents think is a good thing for the arranged marriage) but it's mostly just an excuse to play pokemon and talk about how horrible ffics are in the hsj community nowadays. (“Can't we just destroy the fandom and revive it with our absolute power in writing, Gold?” --- ah yes, 'Gold' was a nickname for him she took from Pokemon.... but clearly she has Gold's attitude, no? - so anyways back to story - )
Sir Goldilot “Gold” Toualeta doesn't mind. Princess Ari was a dear person to him. Being royalties is always hard and they seek each other for comfort and support many times, and you can say that they are almost to the level of hikaru/kaoru twincest before suoh came into the picture - except they are not twins.... and one is a toilet.... but you get the idea.
So they spent their childhood together playing - most of the time Gold being uke under Ari ofc. Ari bullies the perfectionist Gold and everything goes all happily ever after. Don't worry, Gold is a masochist towards Ari's sadism.
Until a certain blondie came into the picture. (yep its the hikaru/suoh/kaoru thing again omfg)
It was by accident when Gold found himself with a peasant in his chamber. All the time the peasant was murmuring stuff like “sorry.... I couldn't take it much longer.... that stupid taco with mayonnaise and azuki.... I'll kill Daiki and Inoo the next time I see them... I swear I won't borrow them the next Gintama season...” and other stuff which doesn't really makes sense to Gold. At first Gold was pissed but as the rightful future king of the Land of Toilets he forgave the peasant. Toilets are supposed to be forgiving as they kinda have to deal with people's shit everyday.
What seemed like a one time thing became more than thrice and it sort of became a habit to the two of them. Sometimes, Peasant Yaotome “Blondie” Hikaru (the ghost of the hikaru/suoh/kaoru is haunting this fic I tell you), which Gold later found out, brought his DS and they played pokemon and discuss the wicked beings that are cats. (“I swore the black cat deliberately stalks me so that I'm glued with this bad luck thing, ya know? I just wanted to be a singer slash gag man with blonde hair...”) The type of toilets in the Touleta Royalty are known meterosexuals so of course our dear protagonist here is so comfortable for the daring, handsome peasant with the must cutest ass. (idek yo I loled at this myself)
Of course... Princess Ari, the known stalker in the internet universe found out from the series of pictures taken in Gold's secret, private twitter account. She came to them when they were at one of their pokemon session times and Gold felt horrible. Playing pokemon was supposed to be something shared with him and Ari... But after Hikaru came, Gold rarely gave tie for his fiance anymore. Seeing their friendship and not to mention the arranged marriage in jeopardy, he tried to explain but Princess Ari raised up a hand to quieten him.
After a moment of silence she smirked and god damn that scared the shit out of Gold and Blondie here.
From the outside corridors you can hear the closing of the grand doors at Sir Goldilot Touleta's chambers.
And then the sound of the room getting locked inside.
A scream? Silence? No one were to allow to remember what happens next for the royalties' sake.
Fast forward and now is happily ever after,
At least everyone was happy for the three of them. Fuck logic. Threesome marriage is the best.
[ah yes one more thing..]
of course toualeta is toilet in greek.
and of course hikarilet is a wonderful ot3 of ecchichan with her obsessions. oh yes.