A calm before what kind of storm
so here I am again, thinking about things, diet is ok, had green tea all day, it was good, I need to buy more. I'm thinking I'll probably have to go back to CVS ( and learn not to spend my entire paycheck as soon as I get it) but at that rate I probably won't make enough a month to pay half for bills, I need to make more than that. I will probably take commissions for skirts accessories and art work. simple skirts will start at 10.00 and that can be any style ( I'll need to practice) but that would help, and the more elaborate the design ( like tiers and ruffles ) the higher the price. same goes for the accessories. and the art. the accessories will probably start at like 2.50 and art....I'll go into more detail about that later. I have a certain way I want to live that I can't do at home. I can't set things up how I like them and I will never properly mature living at home. I can't experience everything from my bedroom window. right now I feel like a child, I want to read my Francesc Lia Block, and work on manga, and do art. I need to have control over how my sanctuary is run, be able to purchase food that I need and like and come home to a place where I don't have to hide in my room. the energy in my own house is so depressing, I often don't want to do much of anything. This is not " I want to run away from home" this is I want to be independent and live outside of my parents rules, and ways of living. I know when I move I won't have a lot that is mine, and I won't have a lot of money to spend on myself and have fun ( ok that's half true I have a plan for that) I want to live my realistic fantasy, thriugh good times and bad, I need to cut my unbilical cord, I love my mom, but we can not be attached forever. It will hurt and I it wll be uncomfortable knowing I can't walk down a hall and talk to my mom, hop in her bed and lounge on her and be silly,or be able to talk to her in person, is probably the most terrifying thing to me. But if I don't do it, I will be stuck.