Starting Life Over Again
As I mentioned in my first post here, I decided to start life over again... I've finally managed it today. I've changed my screen names (all to Elegant Masquerade) and I wish to be a new person. It's difficult to move on and to try to be another person all together and move on with life while painfully leaving behind a few people that I love...
I'm sorry to those of you who have been left behind... I'm sorry that I have to do this but it's been brought to my attention that I seem to be getting worse in your company... that you bring me down, make me feel awful about myself and even suicidal. I'm afraid that it's for the best that I let you go. Please remember though that I will never forget you or stop loving you... doing this has to be the hardest thing that I've ever done... and I feel empty about it. I'm sorry. Please don't hate me for this, even though I know, should you ever find out what I've done, that you will.
The thought is painful to me... it hurts so fucking much that the thought alone brings me to tears. I can no longer look at certain things the same. The animal planet, for instance. Whenever I see it, I will be reminded of you. My love for you will rush back at full force and slap me in the face. The pain is almost unbearable... but I will manage for you. I will never be able to fully thank you for all that you've done for me... If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be alive today. Thank you so much for that... honestly, I swear I will never be able to repay all you have done for me.
I know it doesn't seem like I'm writing much in your dedication, but, honestly, I don't think I can force myself to write anymore... I fear if I do, I will burst into tears. Thank you, thank you for all you have done for me. I let you go now, I free you. As you yourself told me, we will never be together and I need closure. I need to let you go so I can move on. You will still always be there for me, but, in my heart. I love you. Goodbye. It is time to move on...