Fimiliar Hell
Its late, sleep is impossible for me, I just lay here and stare into my dark room. My hearts still pumping a mile a minute and I can't slow it down. My thoughts attack me, lies have lost there sweet razor edge, dulled they are useless, and I find that I am unable to defend myself. All I hoped for, all I thought was finally within my reach is gone, shattered into so many pieces. Now everything seems colorless and hollow. I'm back to an old familiar hell; one I swore I'd never come to again.
Yet, here I am, not sure where to go or what to do. I hate it here. I spend countless hours reflecting on myself, who I am, why I am, and why that’s never enough. Doubt seeps in and mixes with hope leaving me with an agonizing wrenching sensation. I try to fully grasp what’s happening, where it went wrong, and no matter what angle I take, or what curve I put on it, I always end up running in circles, always swinging back to me and my many faults.
I truly wish I could help the way I feel, it be so nice to just turn it all off, this need to be loved and forget. But it’s there to stay and haunt me. I truly hate it here, why do I try, honestly? Is there a reason to this, is there a point to feeling this miserable, insignificant, and for lack of better word alone. Soon, I won’t even have my parents or roommates around me. What will I do then? I hate this feeling and I’d trade anything to be free of it. And I truly miss the feeling of excitement and happiness that the future might have held, now I don’t even care if tomorrow comes. I hate it here.
Yet, here I am, not sure where to go or what to do. I hate it here. I spend countless hours reflecting on myself, who I am, why I am, and why that’s never enough. Doubt seeps in and mixes with hope leaving me with an agonizing wrenching sensation. I try to fully grasp what’s happening, where it went wrong, and no matter what angle I take, or what curve I put on it, I always end up running in circles, always swinging back to me and my many faults.
I truly wish I could help the way I feel, it be so nice to just turn it all off, this need to be loved and forget. But it’s there to stay and haunt me. I truly hate it here, why do I try, honestly? Is there a reason to this, is there a point to feeling this miserable, insignificant, and for lack of better word alone. Soon, I won’t even have my parents or roommates around me. What will I do then? I hate this feeling and I’d trade anything to be free of it. And I truly miss the feeling of excitement and happiness that the future might have held, now I don’t even care if tomorrow comes. I hate it here.