there's some deep shit in here
Yesterday was a very good day for me. I came to the realization that my faith in God has been shattered. This summer was great, don't get me wrong. I had fun with friends that I haven't talked to in more time than they should have tolerated. The fact that they were even willing to talk to me again after two years blew me away. I realize that all along they were my true friends and I was being blinded by someone that should have been reminding me of that. They also helped me realize that I was tired of being the goody-goody. Well, I guess not tired of being the goody-goody, but tired of being that young, dorky kid I was in high school. They broke me out of my shell and forced me to grow, although they probably aren't aware of this, in ways that I probably wouldn't have if I didn't start hanging out with them again.
The only negative side to this whole summer was that I didn't devote any of my time to God, or even really give Him much thought except to wonder if I really needed Him. I didn't realize how much that had happened until yesterday. This really awesome guy in my bible study was telling me about how his girl friend of 3 years just broke up with him last week, but after a retreat and giving his heart totally to God he came to peace with himself and her. This made me think of this summer, after Laura and I broke up, how instead of giving it to God I bottled it up and tried to get over it on my own. This action carried over into this semester when I was screwed by the school and found out I'm here for an extra semester. I was constantly thinking about how much it sucked, and how was I going to pay for it, and what the fuck am I gonna do here for another semester? The whole time, it was kinda dragging me down. After talking with this guy, I realized all I need to do is trust that God will point me in the right direction. I've decided to pick up a minor, which still only puts me at 13.5 credits a semester for the next four semesters. I know have to decide what to do in my free time. That's where God comes in! I am totally calm about it now, and am trusting that He will provide me with what He wants me to do with that extra time. I'm kind of anxious to see what awaits me in the next four semesters!
I'm sorry if this sounds preachy to any readers, but I have become quite close with God in my last year here at West Chester. I'm not usually very open about it, because I don't like to push my views on others. That is why I have this disclaimer: If you don't believe a damn word I'm saying, then don't believe it. This is the only place right now where I can vent my religious and social thoughts without having friends from one side or the other telling me that what I'm thinking is wrong. I am in no way trying to push my ideas onto you.
And to those who I hung out with this summer, I know pretty much none of you read this, but I want to say it anyway. I am truly truly grateful for what you have done for me. I, in no way, deserved for you to continue to be my friends. I thought when I went home for the summer, I would be in complete solitude until I came back to school. When I got that phone call the first week of the summer inviting me to hang with you guys, I was totally blown away. Your compassion and forgiveness is more than I could have imagined anyone ever giving me. I hope to some day get the courage to say this to all of you face-to-face, but I love all of you and am grateful that I have friends like you.
The only negative side to this whole summer was that I didn't devote any of my time to God, or even really give Him much thought except to wonder if I really needed Him. I didn't realize how much that had happened until yesterday. This really awesome guy in my bible study was telling me about how his girl friend of 3 years just broke up with him last week, but after a retreat and giving his heart totally to God he came to peace with himself and her. This made me think of this summer, after Laura and I broke up, how instead of giving it to God I bottled it up and tried to get over it on my own. This action carried over into this semester when I was screwed by the school and found out I'm here for an extra semester. I was constantly thinking about how much it sucked, and how was I going to pay for it, and what the fuck am I gonna do here for another semester? The whole time, it was kinda dragging me down. After talking with this guy, I realized all I need to do is trust that God will point me in the right direction. I've decided to pick up a minor, which still only puts me at 13.5 credits a semester for the next four semesters. I know have to decide what to do in my free time. That's where God comes in! I am totally calm about it now, and am trusting that He will provide me with what He wants me to do with that extra time. I'm kind of anxious to see what awaits me in the next four semesters!
I'm sorry if this sounds preachy to any readers, but I have become quite close with God in my last year here at West Chester. I'm not usually very open about it, because I don't like to push my views on others. That is why I have this disclaimer: If you don't believe a damn word I'm saying, then don't believe it. This is the only place right now where I can vent my religious and social thoughts without having friends from one side or the other telling me that what I'm thinking is wrong. I am in no way trying to push my ideas onto you.
And to those who I hung out with this summer, I know pretty much none of you read this, but I want to say it anyway. I am truly truly grateful for what you have done for me. I, in no way, deserved for you to continue to be my friends. I thought when I went home for the summer, I would be in complete solitude until I came back to school. When I got that phone call the first week of the summer inviting me to hang with you guys, I was totally blown away. Your compassion and forgiveness is more than I could have imagined anyone ever giving me. I hope to some day get the courage to say this to all of you face-to-face, but I love all of you and am grateful that I have friends like you.