(no subject)
muah, merry christmas!
my parents are still getting drunk at my aunts, my sister is in virgina (i think) and i am home, getting ready to watch white chirstmas yet again.
i hope everybody got good stuff for christmas! i did- my dad got me rosemary clooney cd's, my mom got me some sweaters, and i am a happy kid.
wordplay- jason mraz
please- bing crosby
belle- jack johnson
better together- jack johnson
you started something- rosemary clooney
carmen- paula cole
she's electric- oasis
very christmassy, i know. i felt kind of guilty in church today- i haden't been to mass in AGES and there i was. what made it worse was that father paul looked right at us and we went to shake his hand after the mass and all, so he definitly saw us being submarine christians and i know he didn't judge us for it. it would have been easier if he were like father brad and chewed out the entire congregation every easter ("and where were YOU all on good friday!?!") if they scold you can roll your eyes and write them off as a cranky old man. but he just accepted us with all the twice a weekers and i felt terrible. yikes. i think when you are a kid, christmas is magic. when you are a parent, you get that magic back again. the inbetween time is hard. the santa clause magic is gone, the cool whip salad is gross and watching your eighty year old great aunt knock back a few isn't as funny as it once was. i guess it's because all the crap (materialism and competitiveness) goes away, and you sometimes forget the good things (family) that come along with christmas, all that is stripped away and you're left with what christmas really is, the core and seed of it all.
i guess all it really is is you, your sins, and a baby.
it's so personal. so cold. when you strip away all the lights and parties, christmas is a sad holiday. it's sad that it had to come to that. sad that god had to suffer for us. don't get me wrong, it's beutiful, that love is so incredibly beutiful. but it's heartwrenching. you listen to the music and the bible passages and your heart just breaks for mary, breaks for jesus. i can't imagine that burden, knowing that you were born to suffer, born to die. and mary, how frighting and horrifying to know that your son will live a life of persecution and violence. and during mass i always sit and look around me, at all the little old ladies who come in two times a week even though they are tired and arthritic and cold, and i look at all the hagard young mothers who drag their kids in every week, cranky or not, and think about their devotion, and i always wonder if i deserve that love. i know i don't.
because nobody deserves it, yet everybody deserves it.
sometimes i miss the santa days. sometimes i dont.
my parents are still getting drunk at my aunts, my sister is in virgina (i think) and i am home, getting ready to watch white chirstmas yet again.
i hope everybody got good stuff for christmas! i did- my dad got me rosemary clooney cd's, my mom got me some sweaters, and i am a happy kid.
wordplay- jason mraz
please- bing crosby
belle- jack johnson
better together- jack johnson
you started something- rosemary clooney
carmen- paula cole
she's electric- oasis
very christmassy, i know. i felt kind of guilty in church today- i haden't been to mass in AGES and there i was. what made it worse was that father paul looked right at us and we went to shake his hand after the mass and all, so he definitly saw us being submarine christians and i know he didn't judge us for it. it would have been easier if he were like father brad and chewed out the entire congregation every easter ("and where were YOU all on good friday!?!") if they scold you can roll your eyes and write them off as a cranky old man. but he just accepted us with all the twice a weekers and i felt terrible. yikes. i think when you are a kid, christmas is magic. when you are a parent, you get that magic back again. the inbetween time is hard. the santa clause magic is gone, the cool whip salad is gross and watching your eighty year old great aunt knock back a few isn't as funny as it once was. i guess it's because all the crap (materialism and competitiveness) goes away, and you sometimes forget the good things (family) that come along with christmas, all that is stripped away and you're left with what christmas really is, the core and seed of it all.
i guess all it really is is you, your sins, and a baby.
it's so personal. so cold. when you strip away all the lights and parties, christmas is a sad holiday. it's sad that it had to come to that. sad that god had to suffer for us. don't get me wrong, it's beutiful, that love is so incredibly beutiful. but it's heartwrenching. you listen to the music and the bible passages and your heart just breaks for mary, breaks for jesus. i can't imagine that burden, knowing that you were born to suffer, born to die. and mary, how frighting and horrifying to know that your son will live a life of persecution and violence. and during mass i always sit and look around me, at all the little old ladies who come in two times a week even though they are tired and arthritic and cold, and i look at all the hagard young mothers who drag their kids in every week, cranky or not, and think about their devotion, and i always wonder if i deserve that love. i know i don't.
because nobody deserves it, yet everybody deserves it.
sometimes i miss the santa days. sometimes i dont.