If I Kissed You
Title: If I Kissed You
Author: got_2b_there (ich_heisse_kai)
Pairing: Hanry
Rating: pg-13
Length: chaptered (22/25)
Summary: The trap was set. Now, all I had to do was wait.
i'm home sick with fever, and instead of sleeping, i put the finishing touches on this ^^;;
sorry for any mistakes, i didnt really proof-read...
“Tell me,” Heechul said, a frown firmly in place on his pink lips. He sat on Henry’s bed, legs crossed and arms folded across his chest, a true sign he didn’t want to be there if I’ve ever seen one. “Why am I here?”
Siwon nudged the older man’s look and the grimace on Heechul’s face when he retracted his leg away from Siwon’s reach was rather surprising for someone I’ve never seen not beside Siwon. “C’mon, Chullie!” Siwon sang in a sweet voice that seemed strange coming from such a masculine man. “You’ve known Hankyung the longest, you’ve gotta help us!”
Heechul’s glare didn’t lessen any with Siwon’s cutesy plea for help. His dark eyes stared at Siwon for a full 3 minutes before he opened his pink, scowling lips and said, “But that doesn’t answer why I’m here.”
I sat on my desk chair, my front pressing to the backrest, my arms providing my chin a cushion as I watched the interactions between my two hyungs. They were quite amusing to say the least, but I would have enjoyed the show much more if I wasn’t worried about Hangeng and my situation. They were a decent distraction for a little while.
“Well,” Heechul said, after a while of arguing with Siwon. He leaned forward, resting his elbows in his knees, looking at me dead in the eyes. It made me swallow hard. Ive never seen someone so serious as Heechul was right then. “If you ask me-”
“We didn’t, hyung,” Siwon snickered, sounding proud of himself. His grin was wide and bright and I wondered how he could smile like that while making Heechul mad. When Heechul was angry, even if it wasn’t at me, I was terribly afraid, but Siwon acted like it was child’s play.
“Siwon!!” Heechul screeched, slapping the younger man’s knee has hard as he could. Heechul’s hair flew into his eyes as his head whipped around to glare at the younger man beside him. “Knock it off now!! Or I will leave! Then you’ll both be on your own!!”
After Siwon managed to stop laughing and wiped the tears from his eyes, he reached over and patted Heechul’s knee. “Sorry, hyung,” he said, laughter still very evident in his voice. He leaned even closer and pressed a light kiss to the other’s cheek, who only grimaced. Siwon chuckled, returning to his proper posture, and said, “Please continue.”
I stared at them wide-eyed. I must have missed a lot while in Canada; I didn’t know they had those kinds of feelings for each other!
Heechul chewed on his lip, staring hard at Siwon as if judging him, seeing if he’d really stop. Finally, after about 3 minutes, Heechul spoke again, turning his head to look at me. “Anyway, if you ask me, you should just call him,” he said, his shoulders rising a bit in a seemingly carefree shrug. “Talk to him.”
“Aw!” Siwon mocked whined, a smile growing on his lips when he saw Heechul’s eyebrow twitch. “But that’s not romantic!”
“What’s romantic about their situation?” Heechul snapped angrily, glaring at Siwon again. “If he’s worrying about being romantic, then he should just go back to Canada and court some chick there!” Heechul turned to look at me, and he said, “This is not a time to be romantic, Henli. You have to act fast before Hankyung ends up killing himself.”
Heechul groaned and wondered how he got himself into this predicament. Running his thin fingers through his black hair, he gathered the nerve to walk into Hankyung’s room and lure him to the trap they had set hours ago. He thought the whole plan was more impractical than it should have been, but when he complained, he had been chosen to bring the Chinese man there.
It’s for Hankyung, he thought to himself, as if trying to persuade himself of the fact. With one last, deep breath, Heechul pushed open the door, and walked into the room. Hankyung hadn’t even acknowledged him from where he sat at the window, but when Heechul marched up to him, grabbed his wrist and ignored his protests and confused stares. He dragged Hankyung out of the house, out of the neighborhood, past curious eyes and worried glances.
Hankyung eventually gave up on protesting and just let Heechul take him to wherever he pleases.
Heechul tried to focus on the plan and helping Henry, not on his best friend’s sheer weightless and pale wrist in his hand.
The pair walked through the whole town, past the shops and the park, and when Hankyung noticed what path they were on, his protests appeared again, even stronger. He was angry now; he didn’t want to go back there. He tugged at his wrist, trying to tear it from Heechul’s grasp, he jerked, he did anything that might have made Heechul let him go.
Twirling on his heel, Heechul glared sharply at the Chinese male at arm’s length from him. “Hankyung!” he shouted over the other’s strings of complaints. Hankyung’s protests died on his tongue as he stared at the other’s dark eyes. “I don’t care if you don’t want to go there - you have no choice. So stop acting like a baby and come.”
“How long do you think you can keep this up?” Heechul asked boring his eyes into Hankyung’s. Heechul pushed his hair out of his face and frowned, eyeing his friend’s skinny body. It seemed, if the other wasn’t wearing that shirt, you could count every one of his ribs. Tearing his eyes away from the other’s torso, he said, “You can’t run away forever you know.”
Hankyung’s black eyes widened. He was thoroughly surprised at Heechul’s outburst, so surprised that he hadn’t realized they were walking again until a few minutes later. Hankyung didn’t complain anymore, but as he stared up at the huge house he had ran away from, he felt every fiber of his being shouting at him, he felt his anger rising.
When they walked inside, Hankyung was surprised to see no one. The house was spotless, as per usual, but there was no trace of any life. Sure, there were baby monitors around and maybe a toy or two here and there, but there wasn’t a soul to be found. It sent a jolt of worry through him, but he didn’t have time to let it overtake him as Heechul, who didn’t seem fazed in the least, continued walking.
He led Hankyung up a few flights of stairs until they stood in front of a door that would lead to the roof. “Heechul,” Hankyung finally pulled his wrist out of the other man’s grasp and Heechul turned to look at him. They stared at each other for a moment, silence looming over them like a raincloud. “Why are we here?”
Heechul smirked, somewhat sad, and said, “You’ll know why in a moment.”
Hankyung said nothing more and just watched Heechul push the door open. He was startled to hear the soft sound of a violin. They took a few steps and were greeted by a baby’s soft laughter. Heechul just pushed forward but Hankyung frowned and folded his arms across his chest.
From the corner of his eye, he saw a familiar woman with a familiar baby girl on her hip walk up to him, but he refused to acknowledge her. In another corner was none other than his father. Heechul had disappeared somewhere and his anger spiked with the thought of being ditched.
Suddenly, someone clapped him on the back and lead him somewhere, mumbling something about this taking too long. Hankyung scowled and looked up to see a tall man with dark hair framing his face, his wide black eyes sparkling. In his mind he cursed Siwon, but allowed him to lead him to whatever he was taking him to.
Siwon gently shoved him forward, Hankyung stumbled over himself for a moment before turning to shout at Siwon, only to find him not there. No one was in sight anymore. He was alone and it only served to make him angrier. They brought him up here just to ditch him? He couldn’t believe even Aunt and his father would take part in the immature prank.
Hankyung just turned around, ready to leave when he heard his name called in a soft voice.
The sound of the violin ended a while ago, but Hankyung only noticed it then, and when he turned to see who had called out to him, his eyes went wide with disbelief and breath caught in his throat.
The trap was set. Now, all I had to do was wait, which proved harder than I thought.
A few moments after Heechul left to fetch Hankyung, Siwon still perfecting something, I occupied myself with my baby sister. When she got tired of me, I paced. After only a few moments of that, my mother suggested I do something worthwhile while I wait, and play my violin. With a smirk on her face, she suggested I play and perfect Ave Maria on my violin and I instantly turned red.
I hadn’t played that particular song for a long, long time, and for a good reason. It was Hankyung’s favorite song; although he may not always like classical music, he had always listened to this one when I played it.
Pursing my lips, I pulled out my violin that was, for some reason, most conveniently placed on the roof with the rest of the family. When I began to play, I saw my mom’s lips turn up in a triumphant smile from the corner of my eye.
I played through the song a couple of times before we heard shuffling at the door. Hankyung was here! I almost dropped my violin with sheer anxiety. I shifted, to put the bow on the floor, then the violin to its case, but my mother signaled for me to finish the song. I stared at her for a moment, then to the door - which had yet to be opened, my heart beat faster the longer it remained closed.
Chewing my cheek, I stood straight and out my violin to my chin again and continued to play.
The door opened, and my heart beat even faster than before, but my mother’s planning skills were far too great, because I was hidden and I couldn’t see Hankyung at all. I knew he was here, though, because everything got quiet except for the footfalls of Heechul and Hankyung walking further onto the roof.
When I finished the song, I gingerly replaced my violin in its case. I wanted to walk forward, to go and find Hankyung on my own and say everything I want to say, but my feet were glued to the floor.
After what seemed like a lifetime, which was only a few moments in reality, I realized everyone was gone. My heart sank, thinking Hankyung left with them, but when the sound of light footfalls reached my ears, my heart beat twice as fast as it ever had.
Suddenly, a young man, wearing old torn jeans, a dark green muscle shirt came into view and for a moment, my mind went blank and I forgot everything. Finally, I was able to choke out his name, “H-Hankyung…!”
I watched him look around to find whoever it was who called him; it took him a few moments to look at me but when he did I saw his beautiful black eyes widen and his mouth fall open only a little. I couldn’t take my eyes from him; he looked skinnier than the last time we met, more frail. His black hair was only slightly longer, falling softly into his eyes. All in all, he was handsome.
“…Henli…?” he breathed, staring at me still.
I smiled and nodded, watching him take step after careful step towards me. When we were finally standing in front of the other, Hankyung reached out to me, dragging his bony fingers across my cheeks and it was only then I realized I was crying. I bit my lip and tried to blink away my tears only succeeding when they fell down my cheeks. Hankyung tried again, reaching out and pressing his palms to my cheeks, wiping away the tears.
“You’re back…” he whispered, his black eyes looking all over me. His hands held onto my cheeks still, and he asked, “Why?”
I smiled softly, letting my own hands come up to hold Hankyung’s wrists. His eyes detoured there for a moment, and I knew he saw the fresh scars on my wrists. “I couldn’t…” I began. I looked into his black eyes but lost my voice. I lowered my eyes and stared at the grey concrete at our feet. “I had to…”
“You’re back,” Hankyung said again, stopping my thoughts. His hands, still on my cheeks, raised my head so I couldn’t look at anything except him. His eyes shone and a soft smile graced his lips, something I imagine hasn’t been seen in a long time. “That’s all that matters.”
I couldn’t help but smile at that and when Hankyung leaned to my height and kissed me, I couldn’t have been happier, like everything we’ve gone through didn’t matter anymore.
Within a few days, Hankyung was moved out of his room at Heechul’s and back in the room down the hall and life returned to normal. We had family dinners again, all of us crowded around a table, Xiaoxing in her highchair, stuffing rice and little pieces of vegetables into her mouth.
I reenrolled at my old high school and spent the remaining free days I had with Hankyung and Xiaoxing, watching movies, dancing to Xiaoxing’s favorite songs, even playing dolls with her.
Hankyung was smiling a lot again, and so was I.
The minute the two of us stepped on our high school campus, we were swarmed. Kuan jumped me, like it was her first time seeing me again and refused to let go until Sungmin pulled her off. Hankyung’s friends, who hadn’t graduated already, asked various questions, all at once, and my mind flooded. But Hankyung just smiled and nodded to whatever they were saying.
I went through the old routine again, going from one class to another to another. Other classmates, just peers, greeted me and welcomed me back, asking about where I had gone. I left it vague and answered with “Canada”.
“Henli,” someone called, as I placed my bookbag at my desk. I looked up to see Yonsun. I didn’t recognize her at first; her hair was black and she wore little make-up. Her uniform skirt actually reached a modest length on her legs and, all in all, she looked really nice. She smiled at me and said, “Welcome back.”
“Henry,” Heechul called me the moment I stepped out of the large academy. He looked serious so I just did as he told me to and followed him to a relatively empty part of the school.
We stood in uncomfortable silence for a long moment before one of us finally spoke. “Look,” he said, “I’m sorry.”
I blinked. “W-what?”
Heechul pursed his lips, running his slender fingers through his hair. “I was…jealous,” he said, ignoring my question. There was a silence after that in which neither of us spoke for a long while. I waited for Heechul to continue, figuring this wasn’t a place for me to speak.
“I love Hankyung, and I wanted him to choose me over you,” Heechul continued to explain, and I figured that explained a whole lot, but as he continued still, I wondered what else he had to explain. “But when he didn’t, I got mad and took it out on you.”
It was quiet for a moment again. Again, I didn’t think it was a good time for me to say anything, but when Heechul broke out into the toothy grin he was known for and laughed, I didn’t have to. I blinked as Heechul’s hand came down hard on the top of my head, petting my hair. “I really liked you too, Henry, but when Hankyung asked you out and not me, I took it out on you. I’m sorry.”
Looking at me fondly, Heechul said, “I always thought of you as a baby brother, you know.”
“How was your day, hyung?” I asked, meeting Hankyung at the front gate of the school, the old tradition starting back up again. This time, Hankyung was there first, waiting for me. He smiled and took my hand, leading me from the school.
During my leave from the country, I missed Hankyung’s graduation. Heechul’s too, Yesung’s and Eeteuk’s. I felt awful guilty about it, but when I just briefly mentioned it to Hankyung, he scolded me and told me not to be foolish.
“I got a letter from Seoul University,” Hankyung told me when we were almost halfway home. The whole time, Hankyung refused to let go of my hand, even though we gathered a lot of attention and got some less than nice looks. I tried not to make eye-contact with any of those people and just pulled Hankyung closer so our arms were touching.
“Yeah?” I asked excitedly, looking up at him, my cheek rubbing against the fabric of his jacket. I knew I was grinning like an idiot, but this was my boyfriend’s future, I can’t not be excited. “Did you get in?”
“I don’t know,” Hankyung said flippantly, just as we passed my favorite bookstore. “I haven’t opened it yet.” I practically deflated; I turned my head to look back at the sidewalk under our feet, frowning. Hankyung was looking at me, I knew it. His laugh was quiet and I knew he was mocking me.
His hand reached up and poked the side of my head. I let out an indignant squeak, Hankyung laughed harder, louder, and it was hard hiding my own smile. “I was waiting for you,” he said, “I wanted to open it with you.” Hankyung looked down at me and grinned, ruffling my hair, “So I wouldn’t have to tell you if I failed to make it in.”
I frowned still. “Don’t talk like that,” I told him, “you’ll make it.”
When we got home, we greeted my mother before disappearing into Hankyung’s room. Xiaoxing’s room was just next door; we could hear the Beethoven and Mozart songs playing softly through the walls as she slept.
I peeled off my uniform jacket and hung it on the doorknob. Hankyung walked passed me to sit on his bed, long legs crossed, and reached for the envelope on the bedside table. I climbed onto the couch next to him and he wrapped one arm around me. “Do you want to open it?” he asked, placing the white envelope in my hands.
I slowly tore the envelope open and pulled out the letter inside. I didn’t make it passed the first two words before I lunged at Hankyung, knocking the both of us down. Hankyung landed with an ‘oompf’ and before he could say anything, I pressed my lips to his.
Hankyung didn’t try to break away; he wrapped one arm around my waist and placed his other around my shoulders. When air became a necessity, Hankyung took initiative and flipped us over, breaking the kiss. “I’m guessing I made it…?”
I grinned widely and after a few gasps of breath, I exclaimed, “Yes!” With that, Hankyung grinned too and leaned back down for another kiss.
That evening, after Hankyung’s and my little rendezvous, I was helping my mother set the table. Xiaoxing perched in her high chair happily singing, and mom putting the final touches on our meal, talking about how great it was to have the whole family together again, the doorbell rang.
It wasn’t uncle, he was already home and Hankyung hadn’t left. I frowned and looked to my mother, who only shrugged, glancing at me only quickly before turning her attention back to the food in front of her. “I think Geng got it.”
Only a few moments after she said that, Hankyung walked into the room with a Chinese woman behind him. “Julia?”
Julia smiled and greeted my mother before turning to look at me. “I’m sorry to interrupt your meal, Auntie,” she apologized, bowing deeply. My mother only giggled and waved her off, telling her to stay and telling me to set another place at the table for her.
Julia apologized again and walked deeper into the kitchen. “Henry,” she said, her voice thin and frail, making me wonder what was going on. Hankyung came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me, seeminglankyung came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me, seemingly bored. I touched his clasped hands and he smiled softly.
Julia watched our interaction, a small smile appearing on her own face before announcing: “I have some… news for you. Yunhae’s been arrested.”
Author: got_2b_there (ich_heisse_kai)
Pairing: Hanry
Rating: pg-13
Length: chaptered (22/25)
Summary: The trap was set. Now, all I had to do was wait.
i'm home sick with fever, and instead of sleeping, i put the finishing touches on this ^^;;
sorry for any mistakes, i didnt really proof-read...
“Tell me,” Heechul said, a frown firmly in place on his pink lips. He sat on Henry’s bed, legs crossed and arms folded across his chest, a true sign he didn’t want to be there if I’ve ever seen one. “Why am I here?”
Siwon nudged the older man’s look and the grimace on Heechul’s face when he retracted his leg away from Siwon’s reach was rather surprising for someone I’ve never seen not beside Siwon. “C’mon, Chullie!” Siwon sang in a sweet voice that seemed strange coming from such a masculine man. “You’ve known Hankyung the longest, you’ve gotta help us!”
Heechul’s glare didn’t lessen any with Siwon’s cutesy plea for help. His dark eyes stared at Siwon for a full 3 minutes before he opened his pink, scowling lips and said, “But that doesn’t answer why I’m here.”
I sat on my desk chair, my front pressing to the backrest, my arms providing my chin a cushion as I watched the interactions between my two hyungs. They were quite amusing to say the least, but I would have enjoyed the show much more if I wasn’t worried about Hangeng and my situation. They were a decent distraction for a little while.
“Well,” Heechul said, after a while of arguing with Siwon. He leaned forward, resting his elbows in his knees, looking at me dead in the eyes. It made me swallow hard. Ive never seen someone so serious as Heechul was right then. “If you ask me-”
“We didn’t, hyung,” Siwon snickered, sounding proud of himself. His grin was wide and bright and I wondered how he could smile like that while making Heechul mad. When Heechul was angry, even if it wasn’t at me, I was terribly afraid, but Siwon acted like it was child’s play.
“Siwon!!” Heechul screeched, slapping the younger man’s knee has hard as he could. Heechul’s hair flew into his eyes as his head whipped around to glare at the younger man beside him. “Knock it off now!! Or I will leave! Then you’ll both be on your own!!”
After Siwon managed to stop laughing and wiped the tears from his eyes, he reached over and patted Heechul’s knee. “Sorry, hyung,” he said, laughter still very evident in his voice. He leaned even closer and pressed a light kiss to the other’s cheek, who only grimaced. Siwon chuckled, returning to his proper posture, and said, “Please continue.”
I stared at them wide-eyed. I must have missed a lot while in Canada; I didn’t know they had those kinds of feelings for each other!
Heechul chewed on his lip, staring hard at Siwon as if judging him, seeing if he’d really stop. Finally, after about 3 minutes, Heechul spoke again, turning his head to look at me. “Anyway, if you ask me, you should just call him,” he said, his shoulders rising a bit in a seemingly carefree shrug. “Talk to him.”
“Aw!” Siwon mocked whined, a smile growing on his lips when he saw Heechul’s eyebrow twitch. “But that’s not romantic!”
“What’s romantic about their situation?” Heechul snapped angrily, glaring at Siwon again. “If he’s worrying about being romantic, then he should just go back to Canada and court some chick there!” Heechul turned to look at me, and he said, “This is not a time to be romantic, Henli. You have to act fast before Hankyung ends up killing himself.”
Heechul groaned and wondered how he got himself into this predicament. Running his thin fingers through his black hair, he gathered the nerve to walk into Hankyung’s room and lure him to the trap they had set hours ago. He thought the whole plan was more impractical than it should have been, but when he complained, he had been chosen to bring the Chinese man there.
It’s for Hankyung, he thought to himself, as if trying to persuade himself of the fact. With one last, deep breath, Heechul pushed open the door, and walked into the room. Hankyung hadn’t even acknowledged him from where he sat at the window, but when Heechul marched up to him, grabbed his wrist and ignored his protests and confused stares. He dragged Hankyung out of the house, out of the neighborhood, past curious eyes and worried glances.
Hankyung eventually gave up on protesting and just let Heechul take him to wherever he pleases.
Heechul tried to focus on the plan and helping Henry, not on his best friend’s sheer weightless and pale wrist in his hand.
The pair walked through the whole town, past the shops and the park, and when Hankyung noticed what path they were on, his protests appeared again, even stronger. He was angry now; he didn’t want to go back there. He tugged at his wrist, trying to tear it from Heechul’s grasp, he jerked, he did anything that might have made Heechul let him go.
Twirling on his heel, Heechul glared sharply at the Chinese male at arm’s length from him. “Hankyung!” he shouted over the other’s strings of complaints. Hankyung’s protests died on his tongue as he stared at the other’s dark eyes. “I don’t care if you don’t want to go there - you have no choice. So stop acting like a baby and come.”
“How long do you think you can keep this up?” Heechul asked boring his eyes into Hankyung’s. Heechul pushed his hair out of his face and frowned, eyeing his friend’s skinny body. It seemed, if the other wasn’t wearing that shirt, you could count every one of his ribs. Tearing his eyes away from the other’s torso, he said, “You can’t run away forever you know.”
Hankyung’s black eyes widened. He was thoroughly surprised at Heechul’s outburst, so surprised that he hadn’t realized they were walking again until a few minutes later. Hankyung didn’t complain anymore, but as he stared up at the huge house he had ran away from, he felt every fiber of his being shouting at him, he felt his anger rising.
When they walked inside, Hankyung was surprised to see no one. The house was spotless, as per usual, but there was no trace of any life. Sure, there were baby monitors around and maybe a toy or two here and there, but there wasn’t a soul to be found. It sent a jolt of worry through him, but he didn’t have time to let it overtake him as Heechul, who didn’t seem fazed in the least, continued walking.
He led Hankyung up a few flights of stairs until they stood in front of a door that would lead to the roof. “Heechul,” Hankyung finally pulled his wrist out of the other man’s grasp and Heechul turned to look at him. They stared at each other for a moment, silence looming over them like a raincloud. “Why are we here?”
Heechul smirked, somewhat sad, and said, “You’ll know why in a moment.”
Hankyung said nothing more and just watched Heechul push the door open. He was startled to hear the soft sound of a violin. They took a few steps and were greeted by a baby’s soft laughter. Heechul just pushed forward but Hankyung frowned and folded his arms across his chest.
From the corner of his eye, he saw a familiar woman with a familiar baby girl on her hip walk up to him, but he refused to acknowledge her. In another corner was none other than his father. Heechul had disappeared somewhere and his anger spiked with the thought of being ditched.
Suddenly, someone clapped him on the back and lead him somewhere, mumbling something about this taking too long. Hankyung scowled and looked up to see a tall man with dark hair framing his face, his wide black eyes sparkling. In his mind he cursed Siwon, but allowed him to lead him to whatever he was taking him to.
Siwon gently shoved him forward, Hankyung stumbled over himself for a moment before turning to shout at Siwon, only to find him not there. No one was in sight anymore. He was alone and it only served to make him angrier. They brought him up here just to ditch him? He couldn’t believe even Aunt and his father would take part in the immature prank.
Hankyung just turned around, ready to leave when he heard his name called in a soft voice.
The sound of the violin ended a while ago, but Hankyung only noticed it then, and when he turned to see who had called out to him, his eyes went wide with disbelief and breath caught in his throat.
The trap was set. Now, all I had to do was wait, which proved harder than I thought.
A few moments after Heechul left to fetch Hankyung, Siwon still perfecting something, I occupied myself with my baby sister. When she got tired of me, I paced. After only a few moments of that, my mother suggested I do something worthwhile while I wait, and play my violin. With a smirk on her face, she suggested I play and perfect Ave Maria on my violin and I instantly turned red.
I hadn’t played that particular song for a long, long time, and for a good reason. It was Hankyung’s favorite song; although he may not always like classical music, he had always listened to this one when I played it.
Pursing my lips, I pulled out my violin that was, for some reason, most conveniently placed on the roof with the rest of the family. When I began to play, I saw my mom’s lips turn up in a triumphant smile from the corner of my eye.
I played through the song a couple of times before we heard shuffling at the door. Hankyung was here! I almost dropped my violin with sheer anxiety. I shifted, to put the bow on the floor, then the violin to its case, but my mother signaled for me to finish the song. I stared at her for a moment, then to the door - which had yet to be opened, my heart beat faster the longer it remained closed.
Chewing my cheek, I stood straight and out my violin to my chin again and continued to play.
The door opened, and my heart beat even faster than before, but my mother’s planning skills were far too great, because I was hidden and I couldn’t see Hankyung at all. I knew he was here, though, because everything got quiet except for the footfalls of Heechul and Hankyung walking further onto the roof.
When I finished the song, I gingerly replaced my violin in its case. I wanted to walk forward, to go and find Hankyung on my own and say everything I want to say, but my feet were glued to the floor.
After what seemed like a lifetime, which was only a few moments in reality, I realized everyone was gone. My heart sank, thinking Hankyung left with them, but when the sound of light footfalls reached my ears, my heart beat twice as fast as it ever had.
Suddenly, a young man, wearing old torn jeans, a dark green muscle shirt came into view and for a moment, my mind went blank and I forgot everything. Finally, I was able to choke out his name, “H-Hankyung…!”
I watched him look around to find whoever it was who called him; it took him a few moments to look at me but when he did I saw his beautiful black eyes widen and his mouth fall open only a little. I couldn’t take my eyes from him; he looked skinnier than the last time we met, more frail. His black hair was only slightly longer, falling softly into his eyes. All in all, he was handsome.
“…Henli…?” he breathed, staring at me still.
I smiled and nodded, watching him take step after careful step towards me. When we were finally standing in front of the other, Hankyung reached out to me, dragging his bony fingers across my cheeks and it was only then I realized I was crying. I bit my lip and tried to blink away my tears only succeeding when they fell down my cheeks. Hankyung tried again, reaching out and pressing his palms to my cheeks, wiping away the tears.
“You’re back…” he whispered, his black eyes looking all over me. His hands held onto my cheeks still, and he asked, “Why?”
I smiled softly, letting my own hands come up to hold Hankyung’s wrists. His eyes detoured there for a moment, and I knew he saw the fresh scars on my wrists. “I couldn’t…” I began. I looked into his black eyes but lost my voice. I lowered my eyes and stared at the grey concrete at our feet. “I had to…”
“You’re back,” Hankyung said again, stopping my thoughts. His hands, still on my cheeks, raised my head so I couldn’t look at anything except him. His eyes shone and a soft smile graced his lips, something I imagine hasn’t been seen in a long time. “That’s all that matters.”
I couldn’t help but smile at that and when Hankyung leaned to my height and kissed me, I couldn’t have been happier, like everything we’ve gone through didn’t matter anymore.
Within a few days, Hankyung was moved out of his room at Heechul’s and back in the room down the hall and life returned to normal. We had family dinners again, all of us crowded around a table, Xiaoxing in her highchair, stuffing rice and little pieces of vegetables into her mouth.
I reenrolled at my old high school and spent the remaining free days I had with Hankyung and Xiaoxing, watching movies, dancing to Xiaoxing’s favorite songs, even playing dolls with her.
Hankyung was smiling a lot again, and so was I.
The minute the two of us stepped on our high school campus, we were swarmed. Kuan jumped me, like it was her first time seeing me again and refused to let go until Sungmin pulled her off. Hankyung’s friends, who hadn’t graduated already, asked various questions, all at once, and my mind flooded. But Hankyung just smiled and nodded to whatever they were saying.
I went through the old routine again, going from one class to another to another. Other classmates, just peers, greeted me and welcomed me back, asking about where I had gone. I left it vague and answered with “Canada”.
“Henli,” someone called, as I placed my bookbag at my desk. I looked up to see Yonsun. I didn’t recognize her at first; her hair was black and she wore little make-up. Her uniform skirt actually reached a modest length on her legs and, all in all, she looked really nice. She smiled at me and said, “Welcome back.”
“Henry,” Heechul called me the moment I stepped out of the large academy. He looked serious so I just did as he told me to and followed him to a relatively empty part of the school.
We stood in uncomfortable silence for a long moment before one of us finally spoke. “Look,” he said, “I’m sorry.”
I blinked. “W-what?”
Heechul pursed his lips, running his slender fingers through his hair. “I was…jealous,” he said, ignoring my question. There was a silence after that in which neither of us spoke for a long while. I waited for Heechul to continue, figuring this wasn’t a place for me to speak.
“I love Hankyung, and I wanted him to choose me over you,” Heechul continued to explain, and I figured that explained a whole lot, but as he continued still, I wondered what else he had to explain. “But when he didn’t, I got mad and took it out on you.”
It was quiet for a moment again. Again, I didn’t think it was a good time for me to say anything, but when Heechul broke out into the toothy grin he was known for and laughed, I didn’t have to. I blinked as Heechul’s hand came down hard on the top of my head, petting my hair. “I really liked you too, Henry, but when Hankyung asked you out and not me, I took it out on you. I’m sorry.”
Looking at me fondly, Heechul said, “I always thought of you as a baby brother, you know.”
“How was your day, hyung?” I asked, meeting Hankyung at the front gate of the school, the old tradition starting back up again. This time, Hankyung was there first, waiting for me. He smiled and took my hand, leading me from the school.
During my leave from the country, I missed Hankyung’s graduation. Heechul’s too, Yesung’s and Eeteuk’s. I felt awful guilty about it, but when I just briefly mentioned it to Hankyung, he scolded me and told me not to be foolish.
“I got a letter from Seoul University,” Hankyung told me when we were almost halfway home. The whole time, Hankyung refused to let go of my hand, even though we gathered a lot of attention and got some less than nice looks. I tried not to make eye-contact with any of those people and just pulled Hankyung closer so our arms were touching.
“Yeah?” I asked excitedly, looking up at him, my cheek rubbing against the fabric of his jacket. I knew I was grinning like an idiot, but this was my boyfriend’s future, I can’t not be excited. “Did you get in?”
“I don’t know,” Hankyung said flippantly, just as we passed my favorite bookstore. “I haven’t opened it yet.” I practically deflated; I turned my head to look back at the sidewalk under our feet, frowning. Hankyung was looking at me, I knew it. His laugh was quiet and I knew he was mocking me.
His hand reached up and poked the side of my head. I let out an indignant squeak, Hankyung laughed harder, louder, and it was hard hiding my own smile. “I was waiting for you,” he said, “I wanted to open it with you.” Hankyung looked down at me and grinned, ruffling my hair, “So I wouldn’t have to tell you if I failed to make it in.”
I frowned still. “Don’t talk like that,” I told him, “you’ll make it.”
When we got home, we greeted my mother before disappearing into Hankyung’s room. Xiaoxing’s room was just next door; we could hear the Beethoven and Mozart songs playing softly through the walls as she slept.
I peeled off my uniform jacket and hung it on the doorknob. Hankyung walked passed me to sit on his bed, long legs crossed, and reached for the envelope on the bedside table. I climbed onto the couch next to him and he wrapped one arm around me. “Do you want to open it?” he asked, placing the white envelope in my hands.
I slowly tore the envelope open and pulled out the letter inside. I didn’t make it passed the first two words before I lunged at Hankyung, knocking the both of us down. Hankyung landed with an ‘oompf’ and before he could say anything, I pressed my lips to his.
Hankyung didn’t try to break away; he wrapped one arm around my waist and placed his other around my shoulders. When air became a necessity, Hankyung took initiative and flipped us over, breaking the kiss. “I’m guessing I made it…?”
I grinned widely and after a few gasps of breath, I exclaimed, “Yes!” With that, Hankyung grinned too and leaned back down for another kiss.
That evening, after Hankyung’s and my little rendezvous, I was helping my mother set the table. Xiaoxing perched in her high chair happily singing, and mom putting the final touches on our meal, talking about how great it was to have the whole family together again, the doorbell rang.
It wasn’t uncle, he was already home and Hankyung hadn’t left. I frowned and looked to my mother, who only shrugged, glancing at me only quickly before turning her attention back to the food in front of her. “I think Geng got it.”
Only a few moments after she said that, Hankyung walked into the room with a Chinese woman behind him. “Julia?”
Julia smiled and greeted my mother before turning to look at me. “I’m sorry to interrupt your meal, Auntie,” she apologized, bowing deeply. My mother only giggled and waved her off, telling her to stay and telling me to set another place at the table for her.
Julia apologized again and walked deeper into the kitchen. “Henry,” she said, her voice thin and frail, making me wonder what was going on. Hankyung came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me, seeminglankyung came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me, seemingly bored. I touched his clasped hands and he smiled softly.
Julia watched our interaction, a small smile appearing on her own face before announcing: “I have some… news for you. Yunhae’s been arrested.”