How Do You Get That Lonely?
Title: How Do You Get That Lonely?
Author: ich_heisse_kai
Pairing: Qmi, various others
Rating: pg-15
Length: oneshot
Warning: character death
Summary: How do you get that lonely and nobody knows?
A/N: my first Kyumi fic! yay! ^^ unedited, so please forgive my mistakes
Zhoumi always had a smile on his face. No matter the situation, he was smiling. He could always find reasons to smile and Kyuhyun admired him for that.
Kyuhyun wasn’t anything like the smiley Zhoumi. It was hard for him to find good in things. In Super Junior, he’s not the most positive person, nor the most negative, but Zhoumi put him and everyone else he knew to shame.
Kyuhyun wasn’t expecting that phone call from his mother.
They weren’t best friends. Kyuhyun knew Zhoumi liked him a little too much, and maybe he did too, but he could never find the words to say it. But he enjoyed Zhoumi’s smiles, lived for his hugs and always looks forward to those spare moments where they can goof off and play the stupid games they create.
He guessed that was love, but he could never seem to wrap his mind around it enough to voice it. But Zhoumi said it often and even smiled when Kyuhyun just nodded.
Kui Xian, Mi is…
Kyuhyun sat in the swivel chair at the desk in his room. It was usually quiet. Normally, there’d be video game sounds from his laptop, music from the living room where the others were doing their own thing, clanking of pots and pans as Ryeowook and Hankyung tried to cook the food everyone will enjoy, the soft beat of Donghae’s dance solo as he rehearsed with Henry.
He didn’t feel like playing video games. All Kyuhyun wanted to do was talk to Zhoumi. There wasn’t a lot to say, but Kyuhyun was sure he’d think of something to tell him. If not, maybe Zhoumi would tell him a story or sing for him. But Zhoumi wasn’t here. He was in Wan Yuan, China, visiting home. He’d promised he’d be back soon.
The dorm is strangely empty without Zhoumi.
He hadn’t always been there - most of Kyuhyun’s Super Junior career was spent without the Chinese man, but there was a presence about the man that let the world know when he entered a room. His presence somewhere meant a lot to Kyuhyun. Even at Super Junior activities, just the original 13 members, Zhoumi would always be in the background, ready and waiting for Kyuhyun; smiling.
Forever smiling….
The goodbye was rather…empty. Zhoumi was smiling, but there was something different about it. Zhoumi’s hug wasn’t as warm as it usually was, neither was the kiss he pressed to Kyuhyun’s cheek. Zhoumi whispered, “I love you,” with the slight raise at the end like a question. Kyuhyun nodded and said, “Come back soon.” It felt oddly like the end.
Sitting there, Kyuhyun began realizing things he could have done differently, like maybe trying to repeat those three words Zhoumi loved to say to him. Or, maybe, kiss his cheek back or even his lips. He could have hugged him tighter and said “Come home soon” instead.
“Kyuhyun,” Leeteuk said, opening Kyuhyun’s bedroom door. His voice was characteristically soft but had a hint of something else. Kyuhyun turned on his chair and looked at him, the moment he did, he knew something was wrong. “You might want to take this call.”
Kyuhyun stared at him. “Who is it?” he asked plainly. If it was anyone but Zhoumi, he would tell Eeteuk he didn’t want to talk.
“Zhou Yue,” Eeteuk told him, the Chinese names slipping from his lips awkwardly. “Zhoumi’s mother.”
Kyuhyun raised an eyebrow. “His mother?” Eeteuk nodded and handed him the phone, before returning to the door. He didn’t leave, but just stood at the door like he was waiting for something. Kyuhyun frowned and held the phone to his ear. “Wei?”
Within moments, Kyuhyun’s dark eyes widened and his mouth fell open and Eeteuk closed his eyes. He spoke random confirmations into the phone, praying they were in Chinese, and hung up. The phone instantly fell to the floor and Kyuhyun stared at a point somewhere on the wall.
After a few moments, Eeteuk walked slowly towards him, picked up the phone and pulled Kyuhyun into a hug after tossing the phone onto the bed. Kyuhyun didn’t realize he was crying until Eeteuk shifted positions, so he held Kyuhyun in his arms and rocked him, humming softly into his hair.
Before he knew it, Kyuhyun was sobbing clinging to Eeteuk’s t-shirt like it was his lifeline. The rest of Super Junior filed into the room slowly, silently.
Henry took the step forward toward the two on the bed, but Donghae grabbed his wrist and tugged him back. Henry looked up at the older man with large eyes and, “but…Kyuhyun…” Donghae just shook his head and pulled Henry flush against him so he could bury his face in his shoulder and hugged him tight.
Kangin sighed and watched the scene in front of him. Slowly, he pulled out his cell phone from his pocket and sent a quick text, before retreating to wait for the person in the other room. Hankyung sighed, bit his lip and turned to Siwon, who opened his arms wide for the older Chinese man.
Eeteuk continued humming to Kyuhyun, but Kyuhyun wished he’d stop. He reminded him too much of Zhoumi. Zhoumi hummed all the time, and even though Kyuhyun would yell at him, he’d continue on happily. Zhoumi hummed and sang for him all the time, and now, it wasn’t Zhoumi and it was driving Kyuhyun insane.
But Eeteuk continued humming a tune similar to Its You and Reset and Kyuhyun could think about was Zhoumi. Zhoumi…Zhoumi…Zhoumi…Zhoumi!
Zhoumi who smiled.
Zhoumi who hugged him and kissed his cheek and sang for him when he couldn’t sleep. Zhoumi who watched horror movies with him even though he was scared. Zhoumi who would drop everything to aid Kyuhyun with anything.
Zhoumi who was scared. Zhoumi who smiled anyway. Zhoumi who, somewhere along the lines, broke. Zhoumi who overdosed on sleeping pills.
Zhoumi who left Kyuhyun alone.
No one knew when Kyuhyun’s sobbing turned into soft snores and semi-even breathing, disturbed every now and then by a hiccup. Eeteuk laid the young man down in his bed, covered him with a blanket before looking at the others and shooing them out.
Everyone went their own ways, Donghae and Henry back to their room, but the music never started. Hangeng and Siwon walked to their room followed by Heechul. Eeteuk walked into the living room, wondering what to do with himself.
“Jungsu…” Eeteuk looked up, unfamiliar with the sound of his own name. His eyes searched the room before falling on the familiar singer standing in the middle of the room. “Jungsu, Kangin-hyung told me what happened,” was all Junsu had to say before Eeteuk fell against him crying.
Eeteuk grabbed at Junsu’s shirt as the Dong Bang member held tight to the older man. Junsu held him tight and sat him down on the couch, but didn’t let go. “Junsu,” he sobbed. “I don’t understand!” Junsu shushed him and rocked him like Eeteuk had done with Kyuhyun and rid Eeteuk of all responsibility for the time being. “Why did he do it…?”
Junsu sighed and pressed his cheek to the top of Eeteuk’s blonde head. “I don’t know, honey. I guess things just got to him and he couldn’t handle it.”
“When?” Eeteuk cried, looking up at Junsu with large, sad eyes. “When? He was always so happy!”
“Maybe not always, baby,” Junsu said, shushing the man in his arms when he tried to speak again and kissed him soflty. “Maybe he didn’t feel needed. I love you, Jungsu.”
Kyuhyun awoke the next day, not remembering anything of the night before. He jumped out of the bed, smiling, and reached for his cell phone to dial Zhoumi’s familiar number but as he did, the memories the previous night rushed over him and he dropped his phone. “Zhou….mi” Kyuhyun fell back towards the bed and let the tears fall again.
News stations all over the nation covered the tragic accident, as they called it, of Super Junior M’s member Zhoumi who took his own life with an overdose of sleeping pills in his Wan Yuan home. They all had slightly varying stories on the event and no one really knew what to believe.
The Only13’s had mixed comments on the matter. Some dropped the campaign, fearing the suicide was partially their fault (which, to Kyuhyun, it was) and others only praised Zhoumi’s courage to finally kill himself and they questioned when Henry would follow in his footsteps.
Donghae hadn’t left Henry’s side after seeing this out of fear of losing him too.
Near the end of the week, they held a wake and Kyuhyun almost didn’t go, but dragged himself into the lame suit and tie for Henry, who was softly begging from outside Kyuhyun’s locked door.
The fourteen of them arrived together, Henry trailing behind just slightly, staring at Donghae’s heels. Soon, after noticing the younger’s absence, Donghae turned and waited for Henry, holding his hand out to the other. Henry took it and smiled the best smile he could muster, which was most teary. Donghae kissed him and said, “I love you” so many times Henry couldn’t possibly forget.
The service passed by Kyuhyun in a blur. He remembered greeting DBSK and watching Eeteuk hang almost lifelessly against Junsu. It shocked him at first to see his strong leader, the one who held him when he cried, the one who was so strong. Everything else passed all none too quickly.
“Kui Xian,” a voice called, a woman, and Kyuhyun, for some reason, felt obligated to turn around for this woman. He was glad he did. She had long black hair, tied up and done together with a black ribbon. She wore a simple black dress and black gloves, panty-hose and black shoes. She had Zhoumi’s eyes, his stature - though she was shorter - and a voice as sweet as his was.
She reached her hand out to him and in it was a simple white envelope.
Kyuhyun took it slowly, and examined it. It had Zhoumi’s messy Korean scrawl and his beautiful Chinese and was unopened. “What is this?” he asked, in his mediocre Chinese, his voice rough with lack of use.
“It’s from my Mi,” she said, her voice like velvet. “I didn’t open it. It’s addressed to you, so I figure it was none of my business.”
“Mi spoke a lot of you,” the woman said. She and Kyuhyun had sat down together, in a pew a little distance from everyone else. She was a very well-mannered woman, and it was obvious where Zhoumi had gotten his manners. “He really liked you. I’m sorry - loved you.”
Kyuhyun pursed his lips. This was where he must have gone wrong. He slowly nodded and looked towards the letter in his hands. “I,” he began, either trying to find the right Chinese words or just the right words in general. “I…loved…him too.”
The woman smiled. “I’m glad to hear it,” she said. “I wish he had.”
“Do you… blame me?” Kyuhyun asked carefully, studying the woman in front of him. She had lost her son, her baby, and it was Kyuhyun’s fault.
The woman looked shocked by the question and immediately hugged Kyuhyun and Kyuhyun was reminded of Zhoumi. “Never,” she said. “I’d never blame you.”
The days passed and Kyuhyun’s life had slowly somehow returned to normal. He hadn’t opened the letter yet - he couldn’t bring himself to do it. What if Zhoumi blamed him? He figured, someday, he would open it. Meanwhile, he drowned himself in work - as the snarky magnae which had become more like a role in a play than his real personality. He focused 100% on the dances, the songs, the fans, and willed himself to forget everything else.
And it worked. For a while.
About a year later, Kyuhyun sat at his desk staring at his laptop, wondering why they had free time and why he didn’t want to play the game he used to find so much fun. Maybe he had really grown up over the past year?
Then he saw it.
Zhoumi’s letter. Still unopened, sitting innocently beside the laptop.
Slowly, Kyuhyun reached for it after staring at it for a few long moments. Holding it in his hands, it felt a lot heavier than a letter should be. Gradually, he tore the envelope open and pulled out its contents. A white-gold chain fell onto his lap. Kyuhyun picked it up and stared at it before unfolding the letter.
Kyuhyun.
I don’t know how to really begin a letter like this. I never had to before.
I love you. Don’t forget that, ok? I love you. I love you. I love you. I’ll never stop.
Don’t blame yourself, ok? This was the result of my own weaknesses. I couldn’t meet the level of Super Junior, and even if I could I don’t think it would matter. Now, I don’t think it ever did matter, even if I trained my whole life.
Tell the others not to be sad, if they are. It’s not worth it. I’m not worth it.
Kyuhyun, I love you. Please remind my mother every now and then that I love her too. She likes you.
I put my favorite bracelet in the envelope. I don’t know if you’d like it, if you don’t you can give it to my mother, but I want you to have it initially.
I love you.
사랑해, 我爱你。
-Zhoumi
Tears spilled from Kyuhyun’s cheeks, smearing the ink on the paper. His grip on the bracelet tightened until his knuckles turned white and his bit his lip to prevent himself from sobbing. Kyuhyun pressed the paper to his chest, wishing it was Zhoumi, wishing it was everything Zhoumi was. But it wasn’t. the bracelet was the closest he was going to get.
Once he fastened it on, Kyuhyun never took it off. To him, it was Zhoumi and he refused to take it off. Although hosts and MCs, even some other members tease him about it, he didn't care. It was Zhoumi and he loved it.
After a long day’s work, Kyuhyun snuck out of the apartment when everyone else had long since fallen asleep. He took the car and drove to the cemetery he hadn’t been to since Zhoumi’s funeral. He walked the unfamiliar path to the stone which held the strange Hangul of Zhoumi’s Korean name.
It was just a stone. Zhoumi was buried in a cemetery closer to home, but to Kyuhyun, this was a marker that the other had been there, that he existed.
Kyuhyun stared at the stone for a few moments before falling to his knees and crying.
“I love you,” Kyuhyun sobbed. “Zhoumi… I know its too late, but - I love you. I always have.”
“I love you”
--
My Microsoft Word failed on me while writing this, so i lost not only some of this story, which i quickly replaced, but also almost an entire chapter of Hawak Kamay (does anyone read that?). So, if anyone's waiting on it, please forgive me.
Comments would be great! :)
Author: ich_heisse_kai
Pairing: Qmi, various others
Rating: pg-15
Length: oneshot
Warning: character death
Summary: How do you get that lonely and nobody knows?
A/N: my first Kyumi fic! yay! ^^ unedited, so please forgive my mistakes
Zhoumi always had a smile on his face. No matter the situation, he was smiling. He could always find reasons to smile and Kyuhyun admired him for that.
Kyuhyun wasn’t anything like the smiley Zhoumi. It was hard for him to find good in things. In Super Junior, he’s not the most positive person, nor the most negative, but Zhoumi put him and everyone else he knew to shame.
Kyuhyun wasn’t expecting that phone call from his mother.
They weren’t best friends. Kyuhyun knew Zhoumi liked him a little too much, and maybe he did too, but he could never find the words to say it. But he enjoyed Zhoumi’s smiles, lived for his hugs and always looks forward to those spare moments where they can goof off and play the stupid games they create.
He guessed that was love, but he could never seem to wrap his mind around it enough to voice it. But Zhoumi said it often and even smiled when Kyuhyun just nodded.
Kui Xian, Mi is…
Kyuhyun sat in the swivel chair at the desk in his room. It was usually quiet. Normally, there’d be video game sounds from his laptop, music from the living room where the others were doing their own thing, clanking of pots and pans as Ryeowook and Hankyung tried to cook the food everyone will enjoy, the soft beat of Donghae’s dance solo as he rehearsed with Henry.
He didn’t feel like playing video games. All Kyuhyun wanted to do was talk to Zhoumi. There wasn’t a lot to say, but Kyuhyun was sure he’d think of something to tell him. If not, maybe Zhoumi would tell him a story or sing for him. But Zhoumi wasn’t here. He was in Wan Yuan, China, visiting home. He’d promised he’d be back soon.
The dorm is strangely empty without Zhoumi.
He hadn’t always been there - most of Kyuhyun’s Super Junior career was spent without the Chinese man, but there was a presence about the man that let the world know when he entered a room. His presence somewhere meant a lot to Kyuhyun. Even at Super Junior activities, just the original 13 members, Zhoumi would always be in the background, ready and waiting for Kyuhyun; smiling.
Forever smiling….
The goodbye was rather…empty. Zhoumi was smiling, but there was something different about it. Zhoumi’s hug wasn’t as warm as it usually was, neither was the kiss he pressed to Kyuhyun’s cheek. Zhoumi whispered, “I love you,” with the slight raise at the end like a question. Kyuhyun nodded and said, “Come back soon.” It felt oddly like the end.
Sitting there, Kyuhyun began realizing things he could have done differently, like maybe trying to repeat those three words Zhoumi loved to say to him. Or, maybe, kiss his cheek back or even his lips. He could have hugged him tighter and said “Come home soon” instead.
“Kyuhyun,” Leeteuk said, opening Kyuhyun’s bedroom door. His voice was characteristically soft but had a hint of something else. Kyuhyun turned on his chair and looked at him, the moment he did, he knew something was wrong. “You might want to take this call.”
Kyuhyun stared at him. “Who is it?” he asked plainly. If it was anyone but Zhoumi, he would tell Eeteuk he didn’t want to talk.
“Zhou Yue,” Eeteuk told him, the Chinese names slipping from his lips awkwardly. “Zhoumi’s mother.”
Kyuhyun raised an eyebrow. “His mother?” Eeteuk nodded and handed him the phone, before returning to the door. He didn’t leave, but just stood at the door like he was waiting for something. Kyuhyun frowned and held the phone to his ear. “Wei?”
Within moments, Kyuhyun’s dark eyes widened and his mouth fell open and Eeteuk closed his eyes. He spoke random confirmations into the phone, praying they were in Chinese, and hung up. The phone instantly fell to the floor and Kyuhyun stared at a point somewhere on the wall.
After a few moments, Eeteuk walked slowly towards him, picked up the phone and pulled Kyuhyun into a hug after tossing the phone onto the bed. Kyuhyun didn’t realize he was crying until Eeteuk shifted positions, so he held Kyuhyun in his arms and rocked him, humming softly into his hair.
Before he knew it, Kyuhyun was sobbing clinging to Eeteuk’s t-shirt like it was his lifeline. The rest of Super Junior filed into the room slowly, silently.
Henry took the step forward toward the two on the bed, but Donghae grabbed his wrist and tugged him back. Henry looked up at the older man with large eyes and, “but…Kyuhyun…” Donghae just shook his head and pulled Henry flush against him so he could bury his face in his shoulder and hugged him tight.
Kangin sighed and watched the scene in front of him. Slowly, he pulled out his cell phone from his pocket and sent a quick text, before retreating to wait for the person in the other room. Hankyung sighed, bit his lip and turned to Siwon, who opened his arms wide for the older Chinese man.
Eeteuk continued humming to Kyuhyun, but Kyuhyun wished he’d stop. He reminded him too much of Zhoumi. Zhoumi hummed all the time, and even though Kyuhyun would yell at him, he’d continue on happily. Zhoumi hummed and sang for him all the time, and now, it wasn’t Zhoumi and it was driving Kyuhyun insane.
But Eeteuk continued humming a tune similar to Its You and Reset and Kyuhyun could think about was Zhoumi. Zhoumi…Zhoumi…Zhoumi…Zhoumi!
Zhoumi who smiled.
Zhoumi who hugged him and kissed his cheek and sang for him when he couldn’t sleep. Zhoumi who watched horror movies with him even though he was scared. Zhoumi who would drop everything to aid Kyuhyun with anything.
Zhoumi who was scared. Zhoumi who smiled anyway. Zhoumi who, somewhere along the lines, broke. Zhoumi who overdosed on sleeping pills.
Zhoumi who left Kyuhyun alone.
No one knew when Kyuhyun’s sobbing turned into soft snores and semi-even breathing, disturbed every now and then by a hiccup. Eeteuk laid the young man down in his bed, covered him with a blanket before looking at the others and shooing them out.
Everyone went their own ways, Donghae and Henry back to their room, but the music never started. Hangeng and Siwon walked to their room followed by Heechul. Eeteuk walked into the living room, wondering what to do with himself.
“Jungsu…” Eeteuk looked up, unfamiliar with the sound of his own name. His eyes searched the room before falling on the familiar singer standing in the middle of the room. “Jungsu, Kangin-hyung told me what happened,” was all Junsu had to say before Eeteuk fell against him crying.
Eeteuk grabbed at Junsu’s shirt as the Dong Bang member held tight to the older man. Junsu held him tight and sat him down on the couch, but didn’t let go. “Junsu,” he sobbed. “I don’t understand!” Junsu shushed him and rocked him like Eeteuk had done with Kyuhyun and rid Eeteuk of all responsibility for the time being. “Why did he do it…?”
Junsu sighed and pressed his cheek to the top of Eeteuk’s blonde head. “I don’t know, honey. I guess things just got to him and he couldn’t handle it.”
“When?” Eeteuk cried, looking up at Junsu with large, sad eyes. “When? He was always so happy!”
“Maybe not always, baby,” Junsu said, shushing the man in his arms when he tried to speak again and kissed him soflty. “Maybe he didn’t feel needed. I love you, Jungsu.”
Kyuhyun awoke the next day, not remembering anything of the night before. He jumped out of the bed, smiling, and reached for his cell phone to dial Zhoumi’s familiar number but as he did, the memories the previous night rushed over him and he dropped his phone. “Zhou….mi” Kyuhyun fell back towards the bed and let the tears fall again.
News stations all over the nation covered the tragic accident, as they called it, of Super Junior M’s member Zhoumi who took his own life with an overdose of sleeping pills in his Wan Yuan home. They all had slightly varying stories on the event and no one really knew what to believe.
The Only13’s had mixed comments on the matter. Some dropped the campaign, fearing the suicide was partially their fault (which, to Kyuhyun, it was) and others only praised Zhoumi’s courage to finally kill himself and they questioned when Henry would follow in his footsteps.
Donghae hadn’t left Henry’s side after seeing this out of fear of losing him too.
Near the end of the week, they held a wake and Kyuhyun almost didn’t go, but dragged himself into the lame suit and tie for Henry, who was softly begging from outside Kyuhyun’s locked door.
The fourteen of them arrived together, Henry trailing behind just slightly, staring at Donghae’s heels. Soon, after noticing the younger’s absence, Donghae turned and waited for Henry, holding his hand out to the other. Henry took it and smiled the best smile he could muster, which was most teary. Donghae kissed him and said, “I love you” so many times Henry couldn’t possibly forget.
The service passed by Kyuhyun in a blur. He remembered greeting DBSK and watching Eeteuk hang almost lifelessly against Junsu. It shocked him at first to see his strong leader, the one who held him when he cried, the one who was so strong. Everything else passed all none too quickly.
“Kui Xian,” a voice called, a woman, and Kyuhyun, for some reason, felt obligated to turn around for this woman. He was glad he did. She had long black hair, tied up and done together with a black ribbon. She wore a simple black dress and black gloves, panty-hose and black shoes. She had Zhoumi’s eyes, his stature - though she was shorter - and a voice as sweet as his was.
She reached her hand out to him and in it was a simple white envelope.
Kyuhyun took it slowly, and examined it. It had Zhoumi’s messy Korean scrawl and his beautiful Chinese and was unopened. “What is this?” he asked, in his mediocre Chinese, his voice rough with lack of use.
“It’s from my Mi,” she said, her voice like velvet. “I didn’t open it. It’s addressed to you, so I figure it was none of my business.”
“Mi spoke a lot of you,” the woman said. She and Kyuhyun had sat down together, in a pew a little distance from everyone else. She was a very well-mannered woman, and it was obvious where Zhoumi had gotten his manners. “He really liked you. I’m sorry - loved you.”
Kyuhyun pursed his lips. This was where he must have gone wrong. He slowly nodded and looked towards the letter in his hands. “I,” he began, either trying to find the right Chinese words or just the right words in general. “I…loved…him too.”
The woman smiled. “I’m glad to hear it,” she said. “I wish he had.”
“Do you… blame me?” Kyuhyun asked carefully, studying the woman in front of him. She had lost her son, her baby, and it was Kyuhyun’s fault.
The woman looked shocked by the question and immediately hugged Kyuhyun and Kyuhyun was reminded of Zhoumi. “Never,” she said. “I’d never blame you.”
The days passed and Kyuhyun’s life had slowly somehow returned to normal. He hadn’t opened the letter yet - he couldn’t bring himself to do it. What if Zhoumi blamed him? He figured, someday, he would open it. Meanwhile, he drowned himself in work - as the snarky magnae which had become more like a role in a play than his real personality. He focused 100% on the dances, the songs, the fans, and willed himself to forget everything else.
And it worked. For a while.
About a year later, Kyuhyun sat at his desk staring at his laptop, wondering why they had free time and why he didn’t want to play the game he used to find so much fun. Maybe he had really grown up over the past year?
Then he saw it.
Zhoumi’s letter. Still unopened, sitting innocently beside the laptop.
Slowly, Kyuhyun reached for it after staring at it for a few long moments. Holding it in his hands, it felt a lot heavier than a letter should be. Gradually, he tore the envelope open and pulled out its contents. A white-gold chain fell onto his lap. Kyuhyun picked it up and stared at it before unfolding the letter.
Kyuhyun.
I don’t know how to really begin a letter like this. I never had to before.
I love you. Don’t forget that, ok? I love you. I love you. I love you. I’ll never stop.
Don’t blame yourself, ok? This was the result of my own weaknesses. I couldn’t meet the level of Super Junior, and even if I could I don’t think it would matter. Now, I don’t think it ever did matter, even if I trained my whole life.
Tell the others not to be sad, if they are. It’s not worth it. I’m not worth it.
Kyuhyun, I love you. Please remind my mother every now and then that I love her too. She likes you.
I put my favorite bracelet in the envelope. I don’t know if you’d like it, if you don’t you can give it to my mother, but I want you to have it initially.
I love you.
사랑해, 我爱你。
-Zhoumi
Tears spilled from Kyuhyun’s cheeks, smearing the ink on the paper. His grip on the bracelet tightened until his knuckles turned white and his bit his lip to prevent himself from sobbing. Kyuhyun pressed the paper to his chest, wishing it was Zhoumi, wishing it was everything Zhoumi was. But it wasn’t. the bracelet was the closest he was going to get.
Once he fastened it on, Kyuhyun never took it off. To him, it was Zhoumi and he refused to take it off. Although hosts and MCs, even some other members tease him about it, he didn't care. It was Zhoumi and he loved it.
After a long day’s work, Kyuhyun snuck out of the apartment when everyone else had long since fallen asleep. He took the car and drove to the cemetery he hadn’t been to since Zhoumi’s funeral. He walked the unfamiliar path to the stone which held the strange Hangul of Zhoumi’s Korean name.
It was just a stone. Zhoumi was buried in a cemetery closer to home, but to Kyuhyun, this was a marker that the other had been there, that he existed.
Kyuhyun stared at the stone for a few moments before falling to his knees and crying.
“I love you,” Kyuhyun sobbed. “Zhoumi… I know its too late, but - I love you. I always have.”
“I love you”
--
My Microsoft Word failed on me while writing this, so i lost not only some of this story, which i quickly replaced, but also almost an entire chapter of Hawak Kamay (does anyone read that?). So, if anyone's waiting on it, please forgive me.
Comments would be great! :)