If I Kissed You
Title: If I Kissed You, Would You Be Mad?
Author: ich_heisse_kai
Pairing: Hanry
Rating: pg-17+
Length: chaptered (13 of about 25)
Warning: boyxboy love, kissing,
Summary: “Do you… love me that much too?” he asked, “Do you want to be with me, through anything?”
A/N: chapter 13!! :) finally!!
as im writing this note, im thinking of my stepmom who calls me and her daughter, my amazing stepsis, her babies...haha... im not nuts i promise!!
“Okay, my babies!” Mom said as the final back was shoved into the trunk of the taxi, “Behave, alright? There are enough frozen meals in the freezer, just don’t burn down the house. Do well in school and don’t skip any classes! If you do, you’ll be in trouble when we get back.”
“Meling, we should go now,” Uncle said, interrupting my mother in the middle of her mother-like speech. He was smiling, widely and so was she. They were so happy to finally be married and to have a complete family again, it was so obvious by the look on their faces. “Our flight leaves soon.”
And with a quick ‘goodbye’ and tight hugs, mom and uncle got into the ugly-yellow taxi and drove off to the airport where the plane would whisk them away to their Jeju Island honeymoon to enjoy their first two weeks as husband and wife. It also gave Hankyung and I two weeks until we had to act truly like brothers. It was a vacation to the both of us, even if our parents didn’t know it.
“C’mon,” Hankyung said, as the taxi drove out of sight. He slung an arm around my shoulders and turned me around, leading me back up the path to our house. “Let’s go inside, didi.”
Days passed quickly with school and homework. Hankyung had dance lessons again, after he quit a few months before for a reason I’m not aware of. He spent a few hours every afternoon at the studio, after walking me home. I, on the other hand, had no after school activities. Sometimes, Kuan would visit and they would hang out, just like old times. Mostly, though, she made sure I wasn’t depressed or hurting myself again.
When my mother and I first moved to Korea from Canada, I was young, but not young enough to not know that I probably would never see my brothers or my friends again and razors weren’t too hard to come by in our old neighborhood. Kuan yelled at me and proved that people in Korea could care about me just as people in Canada could. At the time, though, I had never met Kuan before; she was just another classmate who saw the healing scars on my wrists, and she scared me so much I listened to her.
Every now and then, mom would call from Jeju and Kuan would scour my room for anything sharp.
“Henli,” Zhoumi called one morning. Hankyung was gone for the moment, talking to a teacher about something he didn’t disclose to me, and the 16 of us sat at a table in the cafeteria before class. Zhoumi wasn’t dead tired this morning, so I figured there was no business stuff for him last night that would keep the poor teenager up to ungodly hours. “What are you and Hangeng-gege doing this weekend?”
“This weekend? I don’t know,” I answered. In my mind, I thought of the next week and its events, and I thought of nothing happening on the weekend particularly. “Mom and Uncle won’t be home until the beginning of next week, so…nothing much, really. Unless he has dance again.”
“Good,” Zhoumi smiled, “why don’t you two go on a double date with me and Kyu?”
I blinked. “Double date?” I asked. I wasn’t too sure how Hankyung would welcome the idea, but it sounded like fun to me. Zhoumi and Kyuhyun, me and Hankyung, hanging out on the weekend, together. Maybe, for once, it would feel like a real date.
“Sure!” Zhoumi exclaimed giddily, giggling behind his hand, the hand not being held in Kyuhyun’s smaller one. “It’ll be fun.”
“I’ll ask him,” I said, laughing at Kyuhyun, who forced a smile at the idea. “Is Kyuhyun-gege ok with it?”
“His idea,” Zhoumi grinned. “ He just doesn’t want anyone to know,” he whispered to me, leaning close to me as if trying to keep his boyfriend from hearing, but ended up getting a good whack on his shoulder for the comment. Zhoumi just laughed and said, “Ask Hangeng-gege.”
When Hankyung finally returned home from dance rehearsal, it was already late and Henry was already asleep. The house was dark, save for the kitchen light that Henry kept on for him. On the counter was a bowl of ramen, an easy meal Henry could cook pretty easily, covered with saran-wrap. Next to it was a note, in Henry’s messy Chinese.
Hankyung picked up the note and smiled. Henry’s Chinese was improving since they first met, but there was so much pinyin in the note and not so much Chinese characters. Here and there, a tone marker was wrong, but Hankyung only found it more endearing. He pocketed the note and put the bowl in the refrigerator to eat later.
Hankyung made sure he was as quiet as possible as he walked up the stairs, down the hall. He paused in front of Henry’s door, his breath catching.
He had been avoiding Henry. He doesn’t know how to act around the younger man anymore, to treat him as a lover or as a brother. The love he felt for the boy just beyond the door threatened to ruin their lives, ruin their parents’ lives. The scandal that would result from loving his brother would end up with his father losing clientele and possibly his company, not to mention how the newly married couple would react to them if they knew.
If they only knew.
If they only knew how much Hankyung loved Henry; how much Henry loved him. If only they were able to see that, then they would have no way to be mad at the two. But Hankyung knew. He knew how people saw people like him and Henry, he knew how his father and new mother would react to their sons being in a gay relationship with each other. Hankyung sighed and wished he didn’t know.
Hankyung’s mind told him to leave, but Hankyung’s hand slowly twisted the doorknob and pushed the door open. There was a soft song playing in Henry’s radio, a classical piece Hankyung wasn’t sure of. The window was open and let the soft light from the moon leak in. Henry lay in bed, sound asleep and sprawled over the white sheets below him and Hankyung smiled.
Carefully, Hankyung crept into the room and to the bed on which his young lover slept. Gripping the sheets, Hankyung tried to pull them out from under Henry so he could cover the boy with them, but Henry refused to budge. Giving up, Hankyung debated on whether he should get blankets for the boy or not. In the end, he decided to lay with the boy, hugging the other tight in his arms like he wished he could all the time.
Henry stirred a little, alerting Hankyung, but did not wake. Sighing, Hankyung brushed the other’s hair from his eyes and committed the contours of his face to memory. Slowly, Hankyung leaned down and kissed Henry’s lips, parted slightly from sleep. His mind didn’t register just what he was doing, or that there was a certain pressure against his lips. When it did, Hankyung pulled back and stared down at a sleepy-eyed Henry.
“Is it morning?” Henry asked, yawning and rubbing his eyes.
Hankyung chuckled and shook his head. “No,” he said softy, sorry he had woken the young man from his peaceful sleeping, but glad he got the chance to talk with him. “I just got home and thought I’d stop by before going to my room.”
Henry smiled sleepily. His eyes darted to his alarm clock on his desk, flashing 11:20 in bright red numbers and yawned. Hankyung smiled at the sight and reached out to try and calm Henry’s wild hair. Henry shooed his hand away and looked at his older lover with big eyes. “Stay with me?”
Hankyung smiled. “Only if you insist.”
Henry grinned as Hankyung made himself comfortable against the soft blankets below them. With one arm, he pulled Henry to his side and held him tight, and the other arm became a pillow for his younger lover. Henry eagerly snuggled against Hankyung’s lean side, and once he was comfortable, he grinned up at Hankyung.
“I love you,” Henry said softly, quietly, like he feared someone could hear them if he spoke too loud.
Hankyung smiled and leaned down to kiss his boyfriend’s soft lips. Instead of the innocent kiss he had planned on, lips parted easily and the kiss became deep and passionate. Hankyung’s arms tightened around Henry’s frame and brought the younger boy up to be laying above him, tongue slipping past Henry’s lips with ease.
Soon, Hankyung flipped them over so that Henry was laying below him, his arms thrown across Hankyung’s neck, keeping him there, kissing him. His warm hands played with the hem of Henry’s shirt, softly brushing the younger man’s skin and every time, Henry’s body trembled. Hankyung pulled away, but not far, and looked down at his lover. “Do you want me to stop…?”
Henry shook his head furiously. “No. no, Hankyung, please, don’t.” And then, Hankyung captured his boyfriend’s lips in another passionate kiss, all tongue and teeth as they tried to taste more of the other, be closer to the other. Hankyung’s hands began to roam, feeling Henry shiver beneath him as he pressed him further into the mattress.
For a single moment, Henry thought of his rapist, saw his scowl, felt his touch, but then Hankyung was kissing him, was all around him and nobody else in the world mattered. They were no longer brothers or family, they were just in love and that was all that mattered. Not their parent, not their friends, not society, just their love for one another and it was enough.
Clothes were thrown away haphazardly, and very other moment or two Hankyung would whisper in Henry’s ear, making sure Henry was aware of everything, of him and not dwelling on the bastard who raped the poor boy. Henry’s nails dug into his shoulders as his breathing got thinner and thinner as Hankyung touched him.
Every now and then, Henry would remember that night in the alley, but then Hankyung spoke to him, asked him if he was okay, if he was hurt, and to just say ‘I love you’, and then Henry was pulled back into Hankyung’s arms, warm and tight, the older man’s heart beating against his own and just as frantic.
Henry’s body jerked when something cool and wet touched the puckered ring of muscle and Hankyung shushed him and kissed him before slipping a digit inside. He writhed as the finger inside him twisted and moved inside him and for a moment he wondered if it was supposed to feel that awkward, but then another digit joined it and all thought was lost.
Hankyung’s tongue was a distraction as it slipped past Henry’s lips and he rocked his body gently and slowly against Henry’s, trying to ease away the pain from something larger than two fingers slipped past the ring of muscle. Tears formed in Henry’s eyes, but he refused to let Hankyung stop.
To feel like this, to feel Hankyung inside him this way, Henry didn’t want it to stop. Hankyung whispered soft words into his lover’s ear, but they were all incoherent to Henry who only felt Hankyung so deep inside him. The whispers turned to pants as Hankyung began pounding harder and faster into Henry until they both released and collapsed onto each other.
“Are you okay…?” Hankyung asked for possibly the millionth time since it began. He rolled off of Henry and pulled the other close to him and pet down his messy hair.
Henry nodded and kissed Hankyung’s chest, where his heard would be, and said, “I love you, Hankyung,” before drifting off to sleep again. Hankyung smiled and tugged the boy closer and wrapped the covers over the both of them before dozing off himself.
I woke up without the aid of Hankyung or an alarm clock the next morning. The brightness of my room alerted me to the time, but the warmth next to me interested me more. Looking up, I saw Hankyung smiling his half-smile at me and I said cheerfully, “Good morning!”
“Good afternoon, yourself,” he said back with a laugh. I smiled, then I saw just how naked the both of us are and I was reminded of last night and the pain I now feel in my lower abdomen. The first time I’d felt it, it was a painful reminder of how I was taken against my will in the alley way behind a dance club, but this time, it wasn’t so painful, especially if Hankyung kept smiling like that.
He stood up and I blushed, looking away from his unclothed body. “I have to run a quick errand, okay?” he asked, pulling on clothes he must have gotten from his room while I was still sleeping. There was a pause in the rustling of cloth and a loud laugh echoed through my room. “What are you blushing over? You saw everything last night, and besides, what I have, you have.”
That’s the problem, I thought, we’re both boys. I blushed redder as I began to recall, more vividly, the memories of last night, of what we did.
“I’ll be back soon, okay?” Hankyung asked, pulling a tank top over his head of black mess that he called hair, but I’ve never seen him sexier and I bit my lip. Leaning over the bed, Hankyung pressed his lips against mine quickly before retreating from the room.
After a little while, I got up myself and took a shower. I dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a long-sleeved shirt of Hankyung’s that was too big for me but it smelled like him and I liked it. I didn’t bother to dry my hair and walked down stairs, ignoring the discomfort, and grabbed something or another to eat and threw myself in front of the TV and waited for Hankyung to come back.
An hour or two later, the front door opened and Hankyung walked through, and took off his shoes before jumping over the half-wall separating the entry from the TV room and onto the couch.
“You’re lucky you didn’t fall on top of me,” I said, laughing at his energetic and immature ways.
“I didn’t fall, I jumped. And besides, if I did, I’d just kiss you better.” I rolled my eyes at his reasoning. Same old Hankyung, I was happy to see. The wedding hadn’t changed as much as I thought it would have, and I was more than happy to see that. “You’re wearing my shirt,” he said, reaching out and tugging on the sleeve. There was something of a pout on his face, and I thought it was the cutest thing I had ever seen.
“So?” I chuckled. “I like it. Besides, it smells like you.”
Hankyung wrinkled his nose. “You’re a strange one, Henli.”
I giggled at his statement and the look on his face before I began to wonder what the errand was. He hadn’t told me before, I’d noticed, and he didn’t have shopping bags with him so he hadn’t gone to the market. “Where’d you go?” I asked, looking him over, trying to find a clue.
Hankyung suddenly became serious as he pulled me closer to him, almost to sit in his lap. He reached out and brushed away my bangs and touched my cheek tenderly. “Henli,” he whispered so quietly I almost missed it. “I love you so much, and I want you to be mine and only mine.”
“I am,” I said earnestly, looking at his face. Hankyung wore the same expression that he did at the wedding after-party when we hid away from harsh eyes and spent time together, like we were a real couple, without people judging us.
“I want the world to know that,” he said, rubbing his thumb under my eye, over my lips, probably still bruised from all the kissing from the previous night. Quickly, he pressed a light kiss there before leaning his forehead against mine.
“’The world’ consists of mom and Uncle,” I said softly, trying to look in his eyes, but they were down-casted, looking at our hands clasped together between us. “Are you okay with them knowing?”
Hankyung nodded, determinedly. His brown eyes darted up to stare into mine as he said, “I want everyone to know, even your mom and my dad. I love you, Henli, and I’ll protect you from anything and everything. There is…. I just want to know something.”
I blinked and waited for him to continue.
“Do you… love me that much too?” he asked, “Do you want to be with me, through anything?”
I nodded furiously without a second thought. “Yes,” I said, “more than anything!”
Suddenly, I felt something slick and cold slide on my finger and I looked down, to see that there was a silver ring there that wasn’t there before, Hankyung’s fingers sliding it on. It was a simple band, nothing special or extraordinary. “A promise ring,” Hankyung said, studying me for my reaction. “It’s kind of corny, I know, but now at least, everyone knows that you’re taken even if they don’t know by whom.”
I bit my lip and looked at the ring Hankyung gave me, twisting it and sliding it on and off my finger. I didn’t know what to tell Hankyung, but then, as I was fiddling with it, I saw something engraved on the inside. Taking a closer look, I saw, in perfect Chinese a character of a name I could easily read plus mine in English characters with a heart in-between. Not knowing what to say I reached out to hug the man, but we ended up falling off of the couch from the force behind it.
We were laughing and I couldn’t have been happier.
Later, after the surprise had worn off, we decided to order take-out from a local Chinese shop. Hankyung took a shower and I marveled at my ring. Hankyung had gotten one too, with ‘Henry loves Hankyung’ instead of ‘Hankyung loves Henry’ like mine said.
When the time that the shop gave us passed, and Hankyung was still in the shower, I decided to go get it myself. I knew where the shop was - I’ve been there many times - and I didn’t need an escort all the time. Besides, Hankyung was tired and it was no big deal. So I pulled on my jacket and slipped on my shoes and began the short walk from home to the shop.
The people there knew me by name - my mother used to work here before she met Uncle and sometimes I would come with her when I had no school. I got the order and paid, the man behind the counter grinning widely, despite his few missing teeth. “Take care, Henli! Say ‘hi’ to your mother for us!”
I nodded and grinned, opening the door to exit and said, “Bye, Xhio! Take care!”
The walk home was the same as the walk there. In one hand I held the plastic back of Hankyung’s and my dinner, and the other I used to play with the streetlights that reflected from my ring. I smiled and felt more free than I had felt since who knows when, until I accidently shone it into someone’s eyes.
“Oh, sir, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” I said quickly and lowered my hand so I wouldn’t do it again. The man looked familiar, but I couldn’t place him. He had nice chocolate brown hair, slicked back, with some strands falling into his face and he dressed as handsomely as he looked.
My heart began to beat fast and my jaw fell open when recognition hit me. My eyes widened and I was terrified. The man just smiled at me, almost like he knew it too, and offered to help me get to wherever I was going, but I ran. I dropped the food, rice and pork spilling everywhere on the sidewalk, but I didn’t care.
I ran home, into the arms of my boyfriend and cried.
Hankyung held me and asked me what was wrong, but I couldn’t find the words to tell him, so he let it be and let me cry, all the while holding me tightly and whispering the words of affection I just had to hear from him now.
--
hmmm...so...does anyone know who this man is?haha >.<
please comment! i love comments!
Author: ich_heisse_kai
Pairing: Hanry
Rating: pg-17+
Length: chaptered (13 of about 25)
Warning: boyxboy love, kissing,
Summary: “Do you… love me that much too?” he asked, “Do you want to be with me, through anything?”
A/N: chapter 13!! :) finally!!
as im writing this note, im thinking of my stepmom who calls me and her daughter, my amazing stepsis, her babies...haha... im not nuts i promise!!
“Okay, my babies!” Mom said as the final back was shoved into the trunk of the taxi, “Behave, alright? There are enough frozen meals in the freezer, just don’t burn down the house. Do well in school and don’t skip any classes! If you do, you’ll be in trouble when we get back.”
“Meling, we should go now,” Uncle said, interrupting my mother in the middle of her mother-like speech. He was smiling, widely and so was she. They were so happy to finally be married and to have a complete family again, it was so obvious by the look on their faces. “Our flight leaves soon.”
And with a quick ‘goodbye’ and tight hugs, mom and uncle got into the ugly-yellow taxi and drove off to the airport where the plane would whisk them away to their Jeju Island honeymoon to enjoy their first two weeks as husband and wife. It also gave Hankyung and I two weeks until we had to act truly like brothers. It was a vacation to the both of us, even if our parents didn’t know it.
“C’mon,” Hankyung said, as the taxi drove out of sight. He slung an arm around my shoulders and turned me around, leading me back up the path to our house. “Let’s go inside, didi.”
Days passed quickly with school and homework. Hankyung had dance lessons again, after he quit a few months before for a reason I’m not aware of. He spent a few hours every afternoon at the studio, after walking me home. I, on the other hand, had no after school activities. Sometimes, Kuan would visit and they would hang out, just like old times. Mostly, though, she made sure I wasn’t depressed or hurting myself again.
When my mother and I first moved to Korea from Canada, I was young, but not young enough to not know that I probably would never see my brothers or my friends again and razors weren’t too hard to come by in our old neighborhood. Kuan yelled at me and proved that people in Korea could care about me just as people in Canada could. At the time, though, I had never met Kuan before; she was just another classmate who saw the healing scars on my wrists, and she scared me so much I listened to her.
Every now and then, mom would call from Jeju and Kuan would scour my room for anything sharp.
“Henli,” Zhoumi called one morning. Hankyung was gone for the moment, talking to a teacher about something he didn’t disclose to me, and the 16 of us sat at a table in the cafeteria before class. Zhoumi wasn’t dead tired this morning, so I figured there was no business stuff for him last night that would keep the poor teenager up to ungodly hours. “What are you and Hangeng-gege doing this weekend?”
“This weekend? I don’t know,” I answered. In my mind, I thought of the next week and its events, and I thought of nothing happening on the weekend particularly. “Mom and Uncle won’t be home until the beginning of next week, so…nothing much, really. Unless he has dance again.”
“Good,” Zhoumi smiled, “why don’t you two go on a double date with me and Kyu?”
I blinked. “Double date?” I asked. I wasn’t too sure how Hankyung would welcome the idea, but it sounded like fun to me. Zhoumi and Kyuhyun, me and Hankyung, hanging out on the weekend, together. Maybe, for once, it would feel like a real date.
“Sure!” Zhoumi exclaimed giddily, giggling behind his hand, the hand not being held in Kyuhyun’s smaller one. “It’ll be fun.”
“I’ll ask him,” I said, laughing at Kyuhyun, who forced a smile at the idea. “Is Kyuhyun-gege ok with it?”
“His idea,” Zhoumi grinned. “ He just doesn’t want anyone to know,” he whispered to me, leaning close to me as if trying to keep his boyfriend from hearing, but ended up getting a good whack on his shoulder for the comment. Zhoumi just laughed and said, “Ask Hangeng-gege.”
When Hankyung finally returned home from dance rehearsal, it was already late and Henry was already asleep. The house was dark, save for the kitchen light that Henry kept on for him. On the counter was a bowl of ramen, an easy meal Henry could cook pretty easily, covered with saran-wrap. Next to it was a note, in Henry’s messy Chinese.
Hankyung picked up the note and smiled. Henry’s Chinese was improving since they first met, but there was so much pinyin in the note and not so much Chinese characters. Here and there, a tone marker was wrong, but Hankyung only found it more endearing. He pocketed the note and put the bowl in the refrigerator to eat later.
Hankyung made sure he was as quiet as possible as he walked up the stairs, down the hall. He paused in front of Henry’s door, his breath catching.
He had been avoiding Henry. He doesn’t know how to act around the younger man anymore, to treat him as a lover or as a brother. The love he felt for the boy just beyond the door threatened to ruin their lives, ruin their parents’ lives. The scandal that would result from loving his brother would end up with his father losing clientele and possibly his company, not to mention how the newly married couple would react to them if they knew.
If they only knew.
If they only knew how much Hankyung loved Henry; how much Henry loved him. If only they were able to see that, then they would have no way to be mad at the two. But Hankyung knew. He knew how people saw people like him and Henry, he knew how his father and new mother would react to their sons being in a gay relationship with each other. Hankyung sighed and wished he didn’t know.
Hankyung’s mind told him to leave, but Hankyung’s hand slowly twisted the doorknob and pushed the door open. There was a soft song playing in Henry’s radio, a classical piece Hankyung wasn’t sure of. The window was open and let the soft light from the moon leak in. Henry lay in bed, sound asleep and sprawled over the white sheets below him and Hankyung smiled.
Carefully, Hankyung crept into the room and to the bed on which his young lover slept. Gripping the sheets, Hankyung tried to pull them out from under Henry so he could cover the boy with them, but Henry refused to budge. Giving up, Hankyung debated on whether he should get blankets for the boy or not. In the end, he decided to lay with the boy, hugging the other tight in his arms like he wished he could all the time.
Henry stirred a little, alerting Hankyung, but did not wake. Sighing, Hankyung brushed the other’s hair from his eyes and committed the contours of his face to memory. Slowly, Hankyung leaned down and kissed Henry’s lips, parted slightly from sleep. His mind didn’t register just what he was doing, or that there was a certain pressure against his lips. When it did, Hankyung pulled back and stared down at a sleepy-eyed Henry.
“Is it morning?” Henry asked, yawning and rubbing his eyes.
Hankyung chuckled and shook his head. “No,” he said softy, sorry he had woken the young man from his peaceful sleeping, but glad he got the chance to talk with him. “I just got home and thought I’d stop by before going to my room.”
Henry smiled sleepily. His eyes darted to his alarm clock on his desk, flashing 11:20 in bright red numbers and yawned. Hankyung smiled at the sight and reached out to try and calm Henry’s wild hair. Henry shooed his hand away and looked at his older lover with big eyes. “Stay with me?”
Hankyung smiled. “Only if you insist.”
Henry grinned as Hankyung made himself comfortable against the soft blankets below them. With one arm, he pulled Henry to his side and held him tight, and the other arm became a pillow for his younger lover. Henry eagerly snuggled against Hankyung’s lean side, and once he was comfortable, he grinned up at Hankyung.
“I love you,” Henry said softly, quietly, like he feared someone could hear them if he spoke too loud.
Hankyung smiled and leaned down to kiss his boyfriend’s soft lips. Instead of the innocent kiss he had planned on, lips parted easily and the kiss became deep and passionate. Hankyung’s arms tightened around Henry’s frame and brought the younger boy up to be laying above him, tongue slipping past Henry’s lips with ease.
Soon, Hankyung flipped them over so that Henry was laying below him, his arms thrown across Hankyung’s neck, keeping him there, kissing him. His warm hands played with the hem of Henry’s shirt, softly brushing the younger man’s skin and every time, Henry’s body trembled. Hankyung pulled away, but not far, and looked down at his lover. “Do you want me to stop…?”
Henry shook his head furiously. “No. no, Hankyung, please, don’t.” And then, Hankyung captured his boyfriend’s lips in another passionate kiss, all tongue and teeth as they tried to taste more of the other, be closer to the other. Hankyung’s hands began to roam, feeling Henry shiver beneath him as he pressed him further into the mattress.
For a single moment, Henry thought of his rapist, saw his scowl, felt his touch, but then Hankyung was kissing him, was all around him and nobody else in the world mattered. They were no longer brothers or family, they were just in love and that was all that mattered. Not their parent, not their friends, not society, just their love for one another and it was enough.
Clothes were thrown away haphazardly, and very other moment or two Hankyung would whisper in Henry’s ear, making sure Henry was aware of everything, of him and not dwelling on the bastard who raped the poor boy. Henry’s nails dug into his shoulders as his breathing got thinner and thinner as Hankyung touched him.
Every now and then, Henry would remember that night in the alley, but then Hankyung spoke to him, asked him if he was okay, if he was hurt, and to just say ‘I love you’, and then Henry was pulled back into Hankyung’s arms, warm and tight, the older man’s heart beating against his own and just as frantic.
Henry’s body jerked when something cool and wet touched the puckered ring of muscle and Hankyung shushed him and kissed him before slipping a digit inside. He writhed as the finger inside him twisted and moved inside him and for a moment he wondered if it was supposed to feel that awkward, but then another digit joined it and all thought was lost.
Hankyung’s tongue was a distraction as it slipped past Henry’s lips and he rocked his body gently and slowly against Henry’s, trying to ease away the pain from something larger than two fingers slipped past the ring of muscle. Tears formed in Henry’s eyes, but he refused to let Hankyung stop.
To feel like this, to feel Hankyung inside him this way, Henry didn’t want it to stop. Hankyung whispered soft words into his lover’s ear, but they were all incoherent to Henry who only felt Hankyung so deep inside him. The whispers turned to pants as Hankyung began pounding harder and faster into Henry until they both released and collapsed onto each other.
“Are you okay…?” Hankyung asked for possibly the millionth time since it began. He rolled off of Henry and pulled the other close to him and pet down his messy hair.
Henry nodded and kissed Hankyung’s chest, where his heard would be, and said, “I love you, Hankyung,” before drifting off to sleep again. Hankyung smiled and tugged the boy closer and wrapped the covers over the both of them before dozing off himself.
I woke up without the aid of Hankyung or an alarm clock the next morning. The brightness of my room alerted me to the time, but the warmth next to me interested me more. Looking up, I saw Hankyung smiling his half-smile at me and I said cheerfully, “Good morning!”
“Good afternoon, yourself,” he said back with a laugh. I smiled, then I saw just how naked the both of us are and I was reminded of last night and the pain I now feel in my lower abdomen. The first time I’d felt it, it was a painful reminder of how I was taken against my will in the alley way behind a dance club, but this time, it wasn’t so painful, especially if Hankyung kept smiling like that.
He stood up and I blushed, looking away from his unclothed body. “I have to run a quick errand, okay?” he asked, pulling on clothes he must have gotten from his room while I was still sleeping. There was a pause in the rustling of cloth and a loud laugh echoed through my room. “What are you blushing over? You saw everything last night, and besides, what I have, you have.”
That’s the problem, I thought, we’re both boys. I blushed redder as I began to recall, more vividly, the memories of last night, of what we did.
“I’ll be back soon, okay?” Hankyung asked, pulling a tank top over his head of black mess that he called hair, but I’ve never seen him sexier and I bit my lip. Leaning over the bed, Hankyung pressed his lips against mine quickly before retreating from the room.
After a little while, I got up myself and took a shower. I dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a long-sleeved shirt of Hankyung’s that was too big for me but it smelled like him and I liked it. I didn’t bother to dry my hair and walked down stairs, ignoring the discomfort, and grabbed something or another to eat and threw myself in front of the TV and waited for Hankyung to come back.
An hour or two later, the front door opened and Hankyung walked through, and took off his shoes before jumping over the half-wall separating the entry from the TV room and onto the couch.
“You’re lucky you didn’t fall on top of me,” I said, laughing at his energetic and immature ways.
“I didn’t fall, I jumped. And besides, if I did, I’d just kiss you better.” I rolled my eyes at his reasoning. Same old Hankyung, I was happy to see. The wedding hadn’t changed as much as I thought it would have, and I was more than happy to see that. “You’re wearing my shirt,” he said, reaching out and tugging on the sleeve. There was something of a pout on his face, and I thought it was the cutest thing I had ever seen.
“So?” I chuckled. “I like it. Besides, it smells like you.”
Hankyung wrinkled his nose. “You’re a strange one, Henli.”
I giggled at his statement and the look on his face before I began to wonder what the errand was. He hadn’t told me before, I’d noticed, and he didn’t have shopping bags with him so he hadn’t gone to the market. “Where’d you go?” I asked, looking him over, trying to find a clue.
Hankyung suddenly became serious as he pulled me closer to him, almost to sit in his lap. He reached out and brushed away my bangs and touched my cheek tenderly. “Henli,” he whispered so quietly I almost missed it. “I love you so much, and I want you to be mine and only mine.”
“I am,” I said earnestly, looking at his face. Hankyung wore the same expression that he did at the wedding after-party when we hid away from harsh eyes and spent time together, like we were a real couple, without people judging us.
“I want the world to know that,” he said, rubbing his thumb under my eye, over my lips, probably still bruised from all the kissing from the previous night. Quickly, he pressed a light kiss there before leaning his forehead against mine.
“’The world’ consists of mom and Uncle,” I said softly, trying to look in his eyes, but they were down-casted, looking at our hands clasped together between us. “Are you okay with them knowing?”
Hankyung nodded, determinedly. His brown eyes darted up to stare into mine as he said, “I want everyone to know, even your mom and my dad. I love you, Henli, and I’ll protect you from anything and everything. There is…. I just want to know something.”
I blinked and waited for him to continue.
“Do you… love me that much too?” he asked, “Do you want to be with me, through anything?”
I nodded furiously without a second thought. “Yes,” I said, “more than anything!”
Suddenly, I felt something slick and cold slide on my finger and I looked down, to see that there was a silver ring there that wasn’t there before, Hankyung’s fingers sliding it on. It was a simple band, nothing special or extraordinary. “A promise ring,” Hankyung said, studying me for my reaction. “It’s kind of corny, I know, but now at least, everyone knows that you’re taken even if they don’t know by whom.”
I bit my lip and looked at the ring Hankyung gave me, twisting it and sliding it on and off my finger. I didn’t know what to tell Hankyung, but then, as I was fiddling with it, I saw something engraved on the inside. Taking a closer look, I saw, in perfect Chinese a character of a name I could easily read plus mine in English characters with a heart in-between. Not knowing what to say I reached out to hug the man, but we ended up falling off of the couch from the force behind it.
We were laughing and I couldn’t have been happier.
Later, after the surprise had worn off, we decided to order take-out from a local Chinese shop. Hankyung took a shower and I marveled at my ring. Hankyung had gotten one too, with ‘Henry loves Hankyung’ instead of ‘Hankyung loves Henry’ like mine said.
When the time that the shop gave us passed, and Hankyung was still in the shower, I decided to go get it myself. I knew where the shop was - I’ve been there many times - and I didn’t need an escort all the time. Besides, Hankyung was tired and it was no big deal. So I pulled on my jacket and slipped on my shoes and began the short walk from home to the shop.
The people there knew me by name - my mother used to work here before she met Uncle and sometimes I would come with her when I had no school. I got the order and paid, the man behind the counter grinning widely, despite his few missing teeth. “Take care, Henli! Say ‘hi’ to your mother for us!”
I nodded and grinned, opening the door to exit and said, “Bye, Xhio! Take care!”
The walk home was the same as the walk there. In one hand I held the plastic back of Hankyung’s and my dinner, and the other I used to play with the streetlights that reflected from my ring. I smiled and felt more free than I had felt since who knows when, until I accidently shone it into someone’s eyes.
“Oh, sir, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” I said quickly and lowered my hand so I wouldn’t do it again. The man looked familiar, but I couldn’t place him. He had nice chocolate brown hair, slicked back, with some strands falling into his face and he dressed as handsomely as he looked.
My heart began to beat fast and my jaw fell open when recognition hit me. My eyes widened and I was terrified. The man just smiled at me, almost like he knew it too, and offered to help me get to wherever I was going, but I ran. I dropped the food, rice and pork spilling everywhere on the sidewalk, but I didn’t care.
I ran home, into the arms of my boyfriend and cried.
Hankyung held me and asked me what was wrong, but I couldn’t find the words to tell him, so he let it be and let me cry, all the while holding me tightly and whispering the words of affection I just had to hear from him now.
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hmmm...so...does anyone know who this man is?haha >.<
please comment! i love comments!