(no subject)
Hey all my LJ friends! Have you ever wanted to write a hideously bad Mary-Sue fanfic but don't have the time or creativity to do it? Well, thanks to the magic of the Interwebs, you can have it done for you!
No, I am not making this up.
So you know I just HAD to try it:
Lovely could feel the heavy shelves wobble and tilt precariously. Before she could even think of escaping out from underneath, she heard the sound of sudden footsteps and the slap of wood against flesh. She looked up, surprised. A young man in a dark brown leather jacket smiled at her, one arm stretched mere inches above her head as it held back the skewed bookcase.
“Pardon me,” Hottie murmured with a slight smile, and with a movement as smooth as a dancer’s, he turned and tipped the heavy bookshelves back into their proper position.
Her heart hammering, Lovely scrambled to stand up. She was so shaken she nearly tottered back off her feet, but the stranger reached out to steady her, his touch lasting only seconds. But it was enough.
“Are you all right?”
Like his clothing, his voice was soft and rich. The light fell gently on him almost like an aura-very appropriate for a guardian angel, Lovely thought as she pushed away some messy strands of red hair from her face. “Thank you,” she said after a few speechless moments, one hand patting her heart to calm herself. “Those shelves could’ve killed me.”
“You should be more careful,” he chastised lightly. “This is an old building that’s falling apart. I advise greater caution.”
“I know. I usually am-careful, I mean-but I was so happy to find this book…” Lovely hugged the red leather to herself, flushing under his piercing blue gaze. Why am I babbling like this? “I didn’t even know you were there. Lucky for me you were, huh? You always keep an eye out for klutzy bookworms?”
“Only when there is need, I assure you.” He smiled, teeth reflecting brightly and his broad shoulders casting a shadow over Lovely. “But you do yourself an injustice. There is nothing wrong with loving books, and you are certainly no klutz.”
The word sounded wrong coming from his lips. He had a strange way of speaking, as if English weren’t his first language, although Lovely couldn’t identify any accent. She grinned at his gallantry but had to blurt, “That’s ‘cause you don’t know me.”
He just smiled again and she was lost in his stare. And for a second she had an odd certainty that he’d argue, But I do know you...
Hottie had been staring out into the stars for a while when a familiar low voice interrupted his thoughts. “Friend, you’ve got to get over this girl.”
He whipped his head around and saw Cipher climbing up with practiced ease onto the roof to join him. The other vampire continued, “What’s gotten into you? I’ve never seen you so taken with anyone. Especially a mortal!” Cipher spat out the word with disgust. “They are ours for feeding. You treat this one as if she were your pet.”
“No. Lovely is not a pet. I think I am in love with her.”
“Oh, I see. Forgive me if I have a hard time understanding that one, Hottie." Cipher bared his teeth in a wicked smile. “I must say, your strength in her presence is admirable. I’m certain that I could not contain my desire to taste of her sweetness.”
Hottie shot his friend a glare that could have punctured like a dagger. “You shall not touch her!”
“Calm down. I wouldn’t dare face your wrath. But don’t you see the pointlessness of all this?”
“I’ll tell her, truly I shall. Soon.” Hottie stared up at the unforgiving night sky. “She is a modern woman. Perhaps she might understand?”
Cipher chuckled softly. “Perhaps.”
Hottie shook his head, wincing. He did not want to tell her. He wanted to hang on to the fantasy for just a few days more, pretend to be a mortal man. Even if he could never experience the daylight as reflected in her green eyes or see the sun dance on her red hair.
“What are you afraid of, Hottie? That she won’t understand, that she’ll turn and run?” Cipher narrowed his eyes. “Or is it that you think she might accept you for what you are? Afraid of a happy ending? The great and powerful vampire, trembling over a mortal teenage girl. Amazing! Count Dracula is rolling in his grave!”
Hottie had to laugh. It was ridiculous. But still he ached. He could not tell her. Not yet.
You can buy "personalized" teen books, romances, mystery novels, kids' books, and...NO. NO F**KING WAY. OH NO YOU DID NOT, YOU BASTARDS. STOP F**KING WITH MY CLASSIC LITERATURE, DO YOU HEAR ME?!?
Thanks - I think - to cleolinda for the original heads-up. Now I'm both amused and traumatized. O_o
No, I am not making this up.
So you know I just HAD to try it:
Lovely could feel the heavy shelves wobble and tilt precariously. Before she could even think of escaping out from underneath, she heard the sound of sudden footsteps and the slap of wood against flesh. She looked up, surprised. A young man in a dark brown leather jacket smiled at her, one arm stretched mere inches above her head as it held back the skewed bookcase.
“Pardon me,” Hottie murmured with a slight smile, and with a movement as smooth as a dancer’s, he turned and tipped the heavy bookshelves back into their proper position.
Her heart hammering, Lovely scrambled to stand up. She was so shaken she nearly tottered back off her feet, but the stranger reached out to steady her, his touch lasting only seconds. But it was enough.
“Are you all right?”
Like his clothing, his voice was soft and rich. The light fell gently on him almost like an aura-very appropriate for a guardian angel, Lovely thought as she pushed away some messy strands of red hair from her face. “Thank you,” she said after a few speechless moments, one hand patting her heart to calm herself. “Those shelves could’ve killed me.”
“You should be more careful,” he chastised lightly. “This is an old building that’s falling apart. I advise greater caution.”
“I know. I usually am-careful, I mean-but I was so happy to find this book…” Lovely hugged the red leather to herself, flushing under his piercing blue gaze. Why am I babbling like this? “I didn’t even know you were there. Lucky for me you were, huh? You always keep an eye out for klutzy bookworms?”
“Only when there is need, I assure you.” He smiled, teeth reflecting brightly and his broad shoulders casting a shadow over Lovely. “But you do yourself an injustice. There is nothing wrong with loving books, and you are certainly no klutz.”
The word sounded wrong coming from his lips. He had a strange way of speaking, as if English weren’t his first language, although Lovely couldn’t identify any accent. She grinned at his gallantry but had to blurt, “That’s ‘cause you don’t know me.”
He just smiled again and she was lost in his stare. And for a second she had an odd certainty that he’d argue, But I do know you...
Hottie had been staring out into the stars for a while when a familiar low voice interrupted his thoughts. “Friend, you’ve got to get over this girl.”
He whipped his head around and saw Cipher climbing up with practiced ease onto the roof to join him. The other vampire continued, “What’s gotten into you? I’ve never seen you so taken with anyone. Especially a mortal!” Cipher spat out the word with disgust. “They are ours for feeding. You treat this one as if she were your pet.”
“No. Lovely is not a pet. I think I am in love with her.”
“Oh, I see. Forgive me if I have a hard time understanding that one, Hottie." Cipher bared his teeth in a wicked smile. “I must say, your strength in her presence is admirable. I’m certain that I could not contain my desire to taste of her sweetness.”
Hottie shot his friend a glare that could have punctured like a dagger. “You shall not touch her!”
“Calm down. I wouldn’t dare face your wrath. But don’t you see the pointlessness of all this?”
“I’ll tell her, truly I shall. Soon.” Hottie stared up at the unforgiving night sky. “She is a modern woman. Perhaps she might understand?”
Cipher chuckled softly. “Perhaps.”
Hottie shook his head, wincing. He did not want to tell her. He wanted to hang on to the fantasy for just a few days more, pretend to be a mortal man. Even if he could never experience the daylight as reflected in her green eyes or see the sun dance on her red hair.
“What are you afraid of, Hottie? That she won’t understand, that she’ll turn and run?” Cipher narrowed his eyes. “Or is it that you think she might accept you for what you are? Afraid of a happy ending? The great and powerful vampire, trembling over a mortal teenage girl. Amazing! Count Dracula is rolling in his grave!”
Hottie had to laugh. It was ridiculous. But still he ached. He could not tell her. Not yet.
You can buy "personalized" teen books, romances, mystery novels, kids' books, and...NO. NO F**KING WAY. OH NO YOU DID NOT, YOU BASTARDS. STOP F**KING WITH MY CLASSIC LITERATURE, DO YOU HEAR ME?!?
Thanks - I think - to cleolinda for the original heads-up. Now I'm both amused and traumatized. O_o