(no subject)
So okay I swanned off to Ohio, for what was supposed to be 13 days of mindless slave labor for my parents, a hockey game with friends, and general dick-off time with whomever...
Last Wednesday my father collapsed on the floor, and became unreponsive, I had to dial 9-1-1 (999) and get an ambulance then race back and yell at him to stay with me while I waited what seemed an interminable 5 minutes. Off to the Hospital, mom in the ambulance, me driving her car.
Spent 6 hours that night at hospital, they admitted him. Lest I drone on about more, spent the next Thur-Sunday nights in various departments, ICU, Heart Center, and finally Oncology. Needless to say daddys Emphysema, and Cirrhosis of the liver finally combined to do him in. After many years of lack of air, and energy he finally passed away Monday Oct 2nd at 10:35am.
I've cried till I think I can't cry anymore the wrenching ache in my chest won't go away, and all I can think of is I'll never see him again, never get a bear hug, or a beer scented kiss, or be scolded about some minutiae that doesn't matter in the long run.
Tangling fishing line while trolling for Pike in Lake Huron, or calling for Whipporwills in the Ozark mountains of Arkansas. Learning to pee in a coffee can, or watching the snake crawl out from under the boat dock to eat my sun fish I caught and 'set free' in the little rock pool to watch swim. Railing at the injustices of the world on how could a thing like this happen. Arguing with him over politics or the latest sports scores...
Seeing his goofy grin, or his face light up like a christmas tree when I walked in the door from the flight from Arizona....
I know most of you don't care and you can skip this, or have already, and I won't be offended... I don't need consolation or consideration, but I can't sleep, tomorrow we have the viewing all day, of people passing by and through my life saying they're sorry for my loss, and I'm sure they are, and I know that they care about me and want to help me through the pain, even Erik flew out..
... but I can't care, I can't sleep, and I can't stop crying, and I can't stop the pain, there is a hole in the universe that wasn't there two days ago, and in two more days, we'll bury my father in hole in the ground, and I'll fly home and that'll be that... but it won't be the same ever again... No matter what
Last Wednesday my father collapsed on the floor, and became unreponsive, I had to dial 9-1-1 (999) and get an ambulance then race back and yell at him to stay with me while I waited what seemed an interminable 5 minutes. Off to the Hospital, mom in the ambulance, me driving her car.
Spent 6 hours that night at hospital, they admitted him. Lest I drone on about more, spent the next Thur-Sunday nights in various departments, ICU, Heart Center, and finally Oncology. Needless to say daddys Emphysema, and Cirrhosis of the liver finally combined to do him in. After many years of lack of air, and energy he finally passed away Monday Oct 2nd at 10:35am.
I've cried till I think I can't cry anymore the wrenching ache in my chest won't go away, and all I can think of is I'll never see him again, never get a bear hug, or a beer scented kiss, or be scolded about some minutiae that doesn't matter in the long run.
Tangling fishing line while trolling for Pike in Lake Huron, or calling for Whipporwills in the Ozark mountains of Arkansas. Learning to pee in a coffee can, or watching the snake crawl out from under the boat dock to eat my sun fish I caught and 'set free' in the little rock pool to watch swim. Railing at the injustices of the world on how could a thing like this happen. Arguing with him over politics or the latest sports scores...
Seeing his goofy grin, or his face light up like a christmas tree when I walked in the door from the flight from Arizona....
I know most of you don't care and you can skip this, or have already, and I won't be offended... I don't need consolation or consideration, but I can't sleep, tomorrow we have the viewing all day, of people passing by and through my life saying they're sorry for my loss, and I'm sure they are, and I know that they care about me and want to help me through the pain, even Erik flew out..
... but I can't care, I can't sleep, and I can't stop crying, and I can't stop the pain, there is a hole in the universe that wasn't there two days ago, and in two more days, we'll bury my father in hole in the ground, and I'll fly home and that'll be that... but it won't be the same ever again... No matter what