CoH fic: Determination
Title: Determination
Fandom: City of Heroes
Character: Amberfyre (mentioned: Eric "Boneshatter" Serling, Winged Vixen, Kin Thalas, Celia Elani)
Genre: One shot character introspection
Word count: 1,962
Warnings: none
Note: Takes place during Eric's AV mission yesterday. ^_^
Another Note: I wrote this during my history class today, on good old fashioned loose leaf paper. With a pen! How retro of me.
The fall of Amberfyre’s boots sounded hollow and echoing against the stone floor of the base as she stepped down from the portal and made her way into the conference room, moving with uncharacteristic leadenness. With a small sigh, she sank into one of the chairs around the large round conference table, and put her head down in her arms.
Amber was not the type of person to normally wallow in any sorts of dark feelings, but right now she was saddened and extremely disappointed in herself. She had been training so hard lately - going out with Kin and Celia on difficult missions above her current abilities - and she could tell herself all she wanted that she was doing it so that she would ultimately be a better hero and able to do more good and help more people, and that was basically true, but admittedly there was another reason why she had been working so hard. That reason had a name.
Eric “Boneshatter” Serling.
He was just so nice. So handsome. So kind. When Amber had first joined the Defenders of PIE supergroup, he had taken her out on a couple missions, letting her observe and learn the ropes, showing her around some the neighborhoods of Paragon, and she quickly began to look up him, impressed by his strength and abilities, and the lovely sad sound of his voice as they stood together on a high precipice in Independence Port and he told her about the Ghost Ship as they watched the shimmering apparition sail through darkened night waters. Watching him fight had taught her so much, and she’d become infatuated with him, in the same way that many teenaged girls developed crushes on their older male teachers.
Of course, Amber wasn’t so foolish to think that there was any possibility of she and Eric ever getting together. She was, after all, just a flighty teenager, and besides that he was intimately involved with the heroine Winged Vixen. For Amber it would be enough just to be able to spend some time with him. But the differences in their abilities and standings within the supergroup made that pretty unlikely. She didn’t have the experience to go out on the types of missions Eric undertook, and Amber was well aware of that shortcoming. And so, after those early days of brief apprenticeship under him, she had decided that she would work as hard as she could and make herself good enough that hopefully someday she would be assigned to join him again on a mission or two. And that would be enough. Just to be near him for a little while, where she could sneak peeks at him in the heat of battle and help him out in any way that she could. That would be enough.
Since then, she had been working hard, and she had come a very long way, and was starting to make a name for herself in Paragon. Every chance she got, she went out with Kin and Celia, as Kin always favored very difficult missions that really tested Amber’s abilities and skills. She took every opportunity that she could to do good, and she pushed her powers to their maximum, many times returning exhausted and drained of endurance, but proud of herself and satisfied that she was being the very best she could be. Not only so that she could someday join Eric on another mission, but also because being a hero was the most important thing in the world to Amber, and she wanted to be the best and help change the world for the better.
She happened to be out with Kin and Celia, ridding a local park of some pesky Pantheon, when Eric called over the team communicators, asking if they would join him on a mission. Amber was excited to jump at the chance. It seemed like she hadn’t actually seen Eric in ages - only now and then in passing at the base - and she couldn’t wait to meet up with him again. It was hard to not sound like a flustered flighty little girl when she replied that she’d be happy to help out. When they all grouped together in Perez Park, he greeted her by calling her “Glass Cannon”, which she knew was a tease about her non-resilience as a Blaster, but there was no hint of that in his voice, there was only a fondness that made Amber feel truly warmed and wanted. It was so good to see him again. If she had known him a little better and felt a little more comfortable and less awed, Amber might have thrown her arms around him in a hug, as she often did with teammates closer to her own level. She wanted to. Her heart was beating hard the entire time they were waiting to start the mission, while the friendly group bantered and chatted. She hoped he would be impressed with how far she’d come since he’d taken her out for newbie training.
Of course, Amber knew that she still wasn’t as skilled or experienced as Eric was. In fact, she was still well below Kin and Celia as far as ability went. And this promised to be a very difficult mission. Amber knew her contribution was likely to be minimal, and had no illusions to the contrary.
But, she hadn’t expected it to be the disaster that it turned out to be.
The foes Eric was facing were all well beyond Amberfyre’s experience. Though she could pack quite an explosive punch with her fire abilities, most of the enemies were skilled enough to avoid her attacks, and it was rare that she was able to land a hit. But worse than that, Amber quickly realized that she wasn’t just impotent as far as her powers were concerned, but she was a liability as well. Being a Blaster, she was vulnerable and easily wounded even in the best of circumstances, which these most certainly were not. She knew that she was a distraction to the healers on the team, who had to work to keep her functional, when there were others with more impact against the enemy that needed to be concentrated on.
She had no business being on that team or in that mission. In spite of every determination, she was hindering more than helping. And at one low point, as Amber lay wounded and waiting for her emergency teleporter to whisk her out to the nearest hospital, as she watched Winged Vixen cutting a seemingly easy swatch through Eric’s enemies, she knew that she not nearly good enough yet. Not good enough for a mission like this. Not good enough for him.
Amber regretfully bowed out of the mission while being treated at the hospital, calling Eric on the team communicator and explaining to him that she was being no help to him and was actually a detriment to the success of the mission. It pained her to do so, to admit something like that to a man she so admired and respected, and whose approval she realized she so deeply desired. But it was the absolute truth, and she had to be practical. If she wasn’t helping, then she was hurting.
So now here she was, back in the base and all alone, feeling miserable and incredibly disappointed in herself. All that work, the happiness that she’d felt over the chance to be with Eric again in a mission… she felt it all now like a heavy burden upon her shoulders. When it came right down to it, it hadn’t mattered how much she’d pushed herself, the long days and nights of training hadn’t made any difference. She was still just a beginner, still a newbie. Even as far as she’d come, it wasn’t far enough. And the worst part about it all… if she had to fail so completely, why did it have to be in front Eric, of all people? Why did he have to be the one that she let down?
Amber had turned off the open channel on her communicator at the hospital, not really wanting to hear what was going on with the mission. They would all do fine; she had no doubt of that. And without her there as a distraction, the healers would be able to concentrate fully on everyone else, and they’d all do that much better. That was a bitter pill to shallow, but it was the practical reality of it, and Amber knew it. But as she sat there in the silence of the conference room, head still buried in her arms resting on the table and eyes closed tightly against the empty pain in her heart, practicality was no comfort at all. She’d longed for this opportunity ever since her training days with Eric, and she’d let him down. She’d been no help at all.
There was a beep on her private channel which roused her from her sadness. Lifting her head, she answered the call.
It was Eric. In the middle of his important and difficult mission, he was calling her to say that he was sorry she’d dropped out of the mission. His kindness and understanding brought grateful tears to Amber’s eyes.
He was so nice. So wonderful. He was running a mission, he had a million other things to think about, and yet he’d taken a moment to call her and make sure that she was okay and tell her he was sorry. He was sorry! When she’d been the one to fail him!
She made sure there was a smile in her voice when she replied, assuring him that she was fine and it really was for the best, but as soon as he disconnected, she caught a breath laced with a small sob. Sitting up straight, she took another deep breath to steady herself and wiped her eyes, getting rid of those silly tears.
Okay, so that mission hadn’t gone well. So what? It wasn’t the end of the world. There would be other missions and other chances to team up with Eric and be close to him. Even if she was a glass one, she was still a cannon, and nothing was going to stop her from proving that! This had hurt, but it was a good lesson even if it was painful. She simply had to work harder, throw herself more into her training, take on harder missions, and strive to be better. She’d be a stronger hero for it, and the more she worked at it, the sooner she would have the experience she needed to join Eric in the truly difficult missions. She wasn’t girlfriend material, he was already covered in that department, so missions were the best and really only way to spend time with him and be close. In order for that to happen, she simply had to be better. That’s all there was to it.
“Alright then!” she declared to the empty room, pushing herself to her feet and standing up as straight and tall as her small slender frame would allow. She had no time for self-pity, which was a ridiculous time waster and did no good whatsoever. “No more feeling sorry for yourself, girl! There are villains out there that need to be brought to justice! Go get ‘em!”
Having thus bolstered herself, Amberfyre set off at a brisk run for the teleporter to Talos Island. The quicker she got back to work, the better. She’d have enough experience to team with Eric again in no time if she just pushed herself a little more. Someday soon, she told herself as she hopped into the teleporter. Just have to keep working at it, and someday soon, I’ll get another chance.
Fandom: City of Heroes
Character: Amberfyre (mentioned: Eric "Boneshatter" Serling, Winged Vixen, Kin Thalas, Celia Elani)
Genre: One shot character introspection
Word count: 1,962
Warnings: none
Note: Takes place during Eric's AV mission yesterday. ^_^
Another Note: I wrote this during my history class today, on good old fashioned loose leaf paper. With a pen! How retro of me.
The fall of Amberfyre’s boots sounded hollow and echoing against the stone floor of the base as she stepped down from the portal and made her way into the conference room, moving with uncharacteristic leadenness. With a small sigh, she sank into one of the chairs around the large round conference table, and put her head down in her arms.
Amber was not the type of person to normally wallow in any sorts of dark feelings, but right now she was saddened and extremely disappointed in herself. She had been training so hard lately - going out with Kin and Celia on difficult missions above her current abilities - and she could tell herself all she wanted that she was doing it so that she would ultimately be a better hero and able to do more good and help more people, and that was basically true, but admittedly there was another reason why she had been working so hard. That reason had a name.
Eric “Boneshatter” Serling.
He was just so nice. So handsome. So kind. When Amber had first joined the Defenders of PIE supergroup, he had taken her out on a couple missions, letting her observe and learn the ropes, showing her around some the neighborhoods of Paragon, and she quickly began to look up him, impressed by his strength and abilities, and the lovely sad sound of his voice as they stood together on a high precipice in Independence Port and he told her about the Ghost Ship as they watched the shimmering apparition sail through darkened night waters. Watching him fight had taught her so much, and she’d become infatuated with him, in the same way that many teenaged girls developed crushes on their older male teachers.
Of course, Amber wasn’t so foolish to think that there was any possibility of she and Eric ever getting together. She was, after all, just a flighty teenager, and besides that he was intimately involved with the heroine Winged Vixen. For Amber it would be enough just to be able to spend some time with him. But the differences in their abilities and standings within the supergroup made that pretty unlikely. She didn’t have the experience to go out on the types of missions Eric undertook, and Amber was well aware of that shortcoming. And so, after those early days of brief apprenticeship under him, she had decided that she would work as hard as she could and make herself good enough that hopefully someday she would be assigned to join him again on a mission or two. And that would be enough. Just to be near him for a little while, where she could sneak peeks at him in the heat of battle and help him out in any way that she could. That would be enough.
Since then, she had been working hard, and she had come a very long way, and was starting to make a name for herself in Paragon. Every chance she got, she went out with Kin and Celia, as Kin always favored very difficult missions that really tested Amber’s abilities and skills. She took every opportunity that she could to do good, and she pushed her powers to their maximum, many times returning exhausted and drained of endurance, but proud of herself and satisfied that she was being the very best she could be. Not only so that she could someday join Eric on another mission, but also because being a hero was the most important thing in the world to Amber, and she wanted to be the best and help change the world for the better.
She happened to be out with Kin and Celia, ridding a local park of some pesky Pantheon, when Eric called over the team communicators, asking if they would join him on a mission. Amber was excited to jump at the chance. It seemed like she hadn’t actually seen Eric in ages - only now and then in passing at the base - and she couldn’t wait to meet up with him again. It was hard to not sound like a flustered flighty little girl when she replied that she’d be happy to help out. When they all grouped together in Perez Park, he greeted her by calling her “Glass Cannon”, which she knew was a tease about her non-resilience as a Blaster, but there was no hint of that in his voice, there was only a fondness that made Amber feel truly warmed and wanted. It was so good to see him again. If she had known him a little better and felt a little more comfortable and less awed, Amber might have thrown her arms around him in a hug, as she often did with teammates closer to her own level. She wanted to. Her heart was beating hard the entire time they were waiting to start the mission, while the friendly group bantered and chatted. She hoped he would be impressed with how far she’d come since he’d taken her out for newbie training.
Of course, Amber knew that she still wasn’t as skilled or experienced as Eric was. In fact, she was still well below Kin and Celia as far as ability went. And this promised to be a very difficult mission. Amber knew her contribution was likely to be minimal, and had no illusions to the contrary.
But, she hadn’t expected it to be the disaster that it turned out to be.
The foes Eric was facing were all well beyond Amberfyre’s experience. Though she could pack quite an explosive punch with her fire abilities, most of the enemies were skilled enough to avoid her attacks, and it was rare that she was able to land a hit. But worse than that, Amber quickly realized that she wasn’t just impotent as far as her powers were concerned, but she was a liability as well. Being a Blaster, she was vulnerable and easily wounded even in the best of circumstances, which these most certainly were not. She knew that she was a distraction to the healers on the team, who had to work to keep her functional, when there were others with more impact against the enemy that needed to be concentrated on.
She had no business being on that team or in that mission. In spite of every determination, she was hindering more than helping. And at one low point, as Amber lay wounded and waiting for her emergency teleporter to whisk her out to the nearest hospital, as she watched Winged Vixen cutting a seemingly easy swatch through Eric’s enemies, she knew that she not nearly good enough yet. Not good enough for a mission like this. Not good enough for him.
Amber regretfully bowed out of the mission while being treated at the hospital, calling Eric on the team communicator and explaining to him that she was being no help to him and was actually a detriment to the success of the mission. It pained her to do so, to admit something like that to a man she so admired and respected, and whose approval she realized she so deeply desired. But it was the absolute truth, and she had to be practical. If she wasn’t helping, then she was hurting.
So now here she was, back in the base and all alone, feeling miserable and incredibly disappointed in herself. All that work, the happiness that she’d felt over the chance to be with Eric again in a mission… she felt it all now like a heavy burden upon her shoulders. When it came right down to it, it hadn’t mattered how much she’d pushed herself, the long days and nights of training hadn’t made any difference. She was still just a beginner, still a newbie. Even as far as she’d come, it wasn’t far enough. And the worst part about it all… if she had to fail so completely, why did it have to be in front Eric, of all people? Why did he have to be the one that she let down?
Amber had turned off the open channel on her communicator at the hospital, not really wanting to hear what was going on with the mission. They would all do fine; she had no doubt of that. And without her there as a distraction, the healers would be able to concentrate fully on everyone else, and they’d all do that much better. That was a bitter pill to shallow, but it was the practical reality of it, and Amber knew it. But as she sat there in the silence of the conference room, head still buried in her arms resting on the table and eyes closed tightly against the empty pain in her heart, practicality was no comfort at all. She’d longed for this opportunity ever since her training days with Eric, and she’d let him down. She’d been no help at all.
There was a beep on her private channel which roused her from her sadness. Lifting her head, she answered the call.
It was Eric. In the middle of his important and difficult mission, he was calling her to say that he was sorry she’d dropped out of the mission. His kindness and understanding brought grateful tears to Amber’s eyes.
He was so nice. So wonderful. He was running a mission, he had a million other things to think about, and yet he’d taken a moment to call her and make sure that she was okay and tell her he was sorry. He was sorry! When she’d been the one to fail him!
She made sure there was a smile in her voice when she replied, assuring him that she was fine and it really was for the best, but as soon as he disconnected, she caught a breath laced with a small sob. Sitting up straight, she took another deep breath to steady herself and wiped her eyes, getting rid of those silly tears.
Okay, so that mission hadn’t gone well. So what? It wasn’t the end of the world. There would be other missions and other chances to team up with Eric and be close to him. Even if she was a glass one, she was still a cannon, and nothing was going to stop her from proving that! This had hurt, but it was a good lesson even if it was painful. She simply had to work harder, throw herself more into her training, take on harder missions, and strive to be better. She’d be a stronger hero for it, and the more she worked at it, the sooner she would have the experience she needed to join Eric in the truly difficult missions. She wasn’t girlfriend material, he was already covered in that department, so missions were the best and really only way to spend time with him and be close. In order for that to happen, she simply had to be better. That’s all there was to it.
“Alright then!” she declared to the empty room, pushing herself to her feet and standing up as straight and tall as her small slender frame would allow. She had no time for self-pity, which was a ridiculous time waster and did no good whatsoever. “No more feeling sorry for yourself, girl! There are villains out there that need to be brought to justice! Go get ‘em!”
Having thus bolstered herself, Amberfyre set off at a brisk run for the teleporter to Talos Island. The quicker she got back to work, the better. She’d have enough experience to team with Eric again in no time if she just pushed herself a little more. Someday soon, she told herself as she hopped into the teleporter. Just have to keep working at it, and someday soon, I’ll get another chance.