(no subject)
I was reading through a forum, and ran across the idea of a USA #1 NASCAR Baby Bible.
I can just see it now:
This is your pal Jesus. *picture of Jesus suffering random horrible mutillating pain and smiling because his disciples have anointed him with hemp oil*
Jesus died for you! *picture of mutillated Jesus rising up from his body*
Then he forgave you for it. *picture of happy sunshiny dead Jesus*
Now he wants you to hate people so you can go to Heaven. *picture of fluffy clouds and angels who look androgynous*
You should hate foreigners. *picture of Mexican man eating baby*
You should hate Jews. *picture of Jew laughing and nailing Jesus to cross*
You should hate those who don't love them some Jesus. *picture of person not going to church and laughing*
You should hate Muslims. *picture of Muslim using a baby to make an IED*
And most of all, you should hate Fags. *picture of two men, hugging, being smited by an angry Jesus with pain and disease*
Do you know how to spot a Fag, children? *page full of pastel question marks*
It's Easy! *picture of smiling Christian Blonde Child*
First, only men who are Fags will ever wear make-up, unless they're on TV begging for money. *picture of random goth kid, made to look as freaky as possible*
Second, only men who are Fags will wear dresses. Unless they're Scotish, and even then, it's questionable. *picture of guy in kilt*
Finally, Fags touch other men in ways God never intended. *picture of two demonic looking men kissing*
Do you know what to do if you see a Fag? *same page full of question marks, because they were too cheap to make a new one*
That's right! First, you pray for his soul to come to your Lord Jesus! *picture of wholesome blonde child praying over demonic looking sissy-man in dress*
Then, you tell him he's going to Hell. *picture of sissy-man surrounded by fire in a bright red cave*
Then, you harrass him until he accepts Jesus as his personal savior, no matter what he tries to say. *picture of wholesome kid chasing sissy-man while holding a giant bible*
If he gets a restraining order, then you simply continue to pray for him, smug in the knowledge that you will be in Heaven while he is tormented for all eternity. *Picture of smug-looking angelic wholesome blonde child*
This will work for many types of sinners, not just Fags. Remember, children, God needs your help.
I can just see it now:
This is your pal Jesus. *picture of Jesus suffering random horrible mutillating pain and smiling because his disciples have anointed him with hemp oil*
Jesus died for you! *picture of mutillated Jesus rising up from his body*
Then he forgave you for it. *picture of happy sunshiny dead Jesus*
Now he wants you to hate people so you can go to Heaven. *picture of fluffy clouds and angels who look androgynous*
You should hate foreigners. *picture of Mexican man eating baby*
You should hate Jews. *picture of Jew laughing and nailing Jesus to cross*
You should hate those who don't love them some Jesus. *picture of person not going to church and laughing*
You should hate Muslims. *picture of Muslim using a baby to make an IED*
And most of all, you should hate Fags. *picture of two men, hugging, being smited by an angry Jesus with pain and disease*
Do you know how to spot a Fag, children? *page full of pastel question marks*
It's Easy! *picture of smiling Christian Blonde Child*
First, only men who are Fags will ever wear make-up, unless they're on TV begging for money. *picture of random goth kid, made to look as freaky as possible*
Second, only men who are Fags will wear dresses. Unless they're Scotish, and even then, it's questionable. *picture of guy in kilt*
Finally, Fags touch other men in ways God never intended. *picture of two demonic looking men kissing*
Do you know what to do if you see a Fag? *same page full of question marks, because they were too cheap to make a new one*
That's right! First, you pray for his soul to come to your Lord Jesus! *picture of wholesome blonde child praying over demonic looking sissy-man in dress*
Then, you tell him he's going to Hell. *picture of sissy-man surrounded by fire in a bright red cave*
Then, you harrass him until he accepts Jesus as his personal savior, no matter what he tries to say. *picture of wholesome kid chasing sissy-man while holding a giant bible*
If he gets a restraining order, then you simply continue to pray for him, smug in the knowledge that you will be in Heaven while he is tormented for all eternity. *Picture of smug-looking angelic wholesome blonde child*
This will work for many types of sinners, not just Fags. Remember, children, God needs your help.