(no subject)
ok so whatever is going on outside is gonna have to stop. I wanna eb out there but I have a test to study for and am totally lacking any motivation. I havent updated in forever but I've been wayyy busy. My sister is sick. We don't know what is wrong and I feel sick thinking about it. I cry like all the time. I can't make it through a mass without crying. Fr. Fred says that he sees a strong person in me, I guess I can see why he would think that. But I think it takes a stronger person to cry in front of ppl than to hold it in the way I do. I don't want to cry in front of people. I don't want to force my burdens on others. That doesnt seem very fair. That and I hate it when people touch me when I am crying. What is it about tears that makes people wanna flock to you and hug you. What's worse is that it isnt so much of me being worried about AMy that is making me feel this way. For so long I have had so much resentment towards her. I have resented her for so many things that she has no control over. I feel so angry at her all the time and for what?? so now I feel guilt. Almost blaming myself for what is happening. SOmetimes I just feel like I am falling apart and I have absolutely nothing to pull me back together. It's at these times that I feel the lonliest. Listen to all of this. This isn't me. I'm the random funny smart ass "who has an overabundance of energy to offer everyone." This week, I am the tired girl who feels so alone when she has soo many people around her.