Transitions
Okay. So I'm going to college in about a week. I'm packing up, clearing out, and leaving. Putting all of my past in little boxes and putting it into storage, cast away with only what I need to survive the college experience.
But I don't know if it's enough.
There are too many things going on right now. Too many things changing. I'm coming to terms with the realization that I am, in fact, bisexual. (For any of you who didn't know this by now, well now you know.) It's not easy to deal with. I've known for pretty much my entire life, but I was never able to admit it to myself. And now that I have, it's hard to come to terms with. Too many changes. I'm going to college, leaving all my friends behind. I want to take all of you with me! But I know that I can't. It hurts. I look back and remember all the things I've done, all the things I wish I had done, and I don't want to let it go. And even though I know that I'm not really letting it go, just leaving it alone for a while, I still don't want to. I don't want the possibility of never seeing some of you again. I don't want the possibility of losing friends. Too many things are changing. I'm used to being home, with parents. I'm used to roaming the halls of CHHS, talking with friends in the corner before school starts. I'm used to seeing all my friends every day. I'm used to knowing exactly what is where and how to get there. I'm used to being with people that I know and love. And I'll have none of these things in college. Sure, I'll make new friends, and I'll eventually get to know the area, but I'll never forget what it felt like in high school.
You all were my best friends. Before high school (and during the first two years of it) I was a shy kid. I didn't talk to anyone, didn't know anyone, had few friends. I had no life. But the last two years I've grown more and experienced more than I ever could have dreamed. Thank you.
It hurts to leave.
So, with the combination of dealing with my sexual identity and changing my entire environment, I'm having a bit of a tough time right now.
Well, I guess I've said what needed to be said. Thanks to whoever reads this.
But I don't know if it's enough.
There are too many things going on right now. Too many things changing. I'm coming to terms with the realization that I am, in fact, bisexual. (For any of you who didn't know this by now, well now you know.) It's not easy to deal with. I've known for pretty much my entire life, but I was never able to admit it to myself. And now that I have, it's hard to come to terms with. Too many changes. I'm going to college, leaving all my friends behind. I want to take all of you with me! But I know that I can't. It hurts. I look back and remember all the things I've done, all the things I wish I had done, and I don't want to let it go. And even though I know that I'm not really letting it go, just leaving it alone for a while, I still don't want to. I don't want the possibility of never seeing some of you again. I don't want the possibility of losing friends. Too many things are changing. I'm used to being home, with parents. I'm used to roaming the halls of CHHS, talking with friends in the corner before school starts. I'm used to seeing all my friends every day. I'm used to knowing exactly what is where and how to get there. I'm used to being with people that I know and love. And I'll have none of these things in college. Sure, I'll make new friends, and I'll eventually get to know the area, but I'll never forget what it felt like in high school.
You all were my best friends. Before high school (and during the first two years of it) I was a shy kid. I didn't talk to anyone, didn't know anyone, had few friends. I had no life. But the last two years I've grown more and experienced more than I ever could have dreamed. Thank you.
It hurts to leave.
So, with the combination of dealing with my sexual identity and changing my entire environment, I'm having a bit of a tough time right now.
Well, I guess I've said what needed to be said. Thanks to whoever reads this.