Looking forward
I haven't updated this thing in quite a while. I guess because I have not felt like sitting down and writing about my life. So this is really overdue. I used to write things down so that I could remember and understand difficult times. I stopped writing because I didn't want internet robots to read my posts and have them pop-up on search engines. I guess since LJ has the friends-only feature I can avoid that, so maybe I will make this a regular thing again. A lot has changed since the last time I wrote anything. Let me tell you all about it.
After going months without a job, I was referred by a friend to a job in Detroit working as a chef at the Jazz Cafe. That went well until payday and they refused to pay me. It took me months of calling them constantly and contacting the Department of Labor to finally get me a paycheck. I really was starting to enjoy cooking and working in a kitchen. Since then I haven't been able to find any sort of work. The only work that I have done has been for my dad, but those odd jobs are few and far between. According to him, the used car market has gotten tougher lately because people are learning the tricks of the trade. It's so frustrating going to places everyday, filling out applications, calling back later to inquire, and not getting the job. It's a shitty cycle that just keeps repeating itself over and over again. I went into the Box Bar in Plymouth because they had a huge help wanted sign in the window, filled out the paperwork, and when I handed it in I noticed a folder stuffed with applications. It feels like it is the same thing everyplace I try. So the search continues...
This will be my last year of school at Community College and hopefully after this year I will graduate. I will have an Associates Degree in Computer Information Systems. I feel like a change of scenery would do me a world of good. I want to get out of my parents house, in fact I need too, so that I can get student loans.
After my birthday my girlfriend split up with me. I'm not sure where things went bad so fast. The whole thing has me feeling so lost. I tried to work things out with her, but was unsuccessfully. It is very hard for me too let go of someone that I love very much. Nobody really tells you how to get through things like this without going completely insane. The past couple of weeks have been pretty rough on me. I believe that everything happens for a reason though. I am looking at myself very critically right now and I don't like that I see. I am trying to be more honest with myself and realize it is alright for me to feel sad. However, I need to not let myself slip into regret. Crushing my brain over what I should have done in the past isn't going to get me anywhere. I have wasted enough time feeling bad and I am sick of it. I want to work hard and be proud of myself again. I know what I have to do and I have the ability to do it, the hard part is motivating my ass too actually go about doing it. I need to get back to my ambitious self. I need to find out what motivates me and figure out how to keep myself motivated. I am too comfortable with the way my life is going, or going nowhere, something must change.
I think I am going to stop going to the bars, stop going out every night, and stop drinking. Instead I am going to take the money that I used to spend partying and buy myself a gym membership. I look in the mirror and I look at a skinny body that I wish was stronger. I think that building some strength in my body will help build up my confidence. Confidence is a tool that I am lacking, always have been. I need to awaken the Lion that is screaming in my heart to get out. Who is going to believe in me when I don't even believe in myself.
I don't think these goals are very far out and they are definitely attainable. Today is the day.
Wow, I have been sitting here for the past hour writing non-stop! I have so much more to say, but I think I should save that for next time. It feels good to write this down and get it off my chest, but all this talk doesn't mean anything if I don't back it up with action.
After going months without a job, I was referred by a friend to a job in Detroit working as a chef at the Jazz Cafe. That went well until payday and they refused to pay me. It took me months of calling them constantly and contacting the Department of Labor to finally get me a paycheck. I really was starting to enjoy cooking and working in a kitchen. Since then I haven't been able to find any sort of work. The only work that I have done has been for my dad, but those odd jobs are few and far between. According to him, the used car market has gotten tougher lately because people are learning the tricks of the trade. It's so frustrating going to places everyday, filling out applications, calling back later to inquire, and not getting the job. It's a shitty cycle that just keeps repeating itself over and over again. I went into the Box Bar in Plymouth because they had a huge help wanted sign in the window, filled out the paperwork, and when I handed it in I noticed a folder stuffed with applications. It feels like it is the same thing everyplace I try. So the search continues...
This will be my last year of school at Community College and hopefully after this year I will graduate. I will have an Associates Degree in Computer Information Systems. I feel like a change of scenery would do me a world of good. I want to get out of my parents house, in fact I need too, so that I can get student loans.
After my birthday my girlfriend split up with me. I'm not sure where things went bad so fast. The whole thing has me feeling so lost. I tried to work things out with her, but was unsuccessfully. It is very hard for me too let go of someone that I love very much. Nobody really tells you how to get through things like this without going completely insane. The past couple of weeks have been pretty rough on me. I believe that everything happens for a reason though. I am looking at myself very critically right now and I don't like that I see. I am trying to be more honest with myself and realize it is alright for me to feel sad. However, I need to not let myself slip into regret. Crushing my brain over what I should have done in the past isn't going to get me anywhere. I have wasted enough time feeling bad and I am sick of it. I want to work hard and be proud of myself again. I know what I have to do and I have the ability to do it, the hard part is motivating my ass too actually go about doing it. I need to get back to my ambitious self. I need to find out what motivates me and figure out how to keep myself motivated. I am too comfortable with the way my life is going, or going nowhere, something must change.
I think I am going to stop going to the bars, stop going out every night, and stop drinking. Instead I am going to take the money that I used to spend partying and buy myself a gym membership. I look in the mirror and I look at a skinny body that I wish was stronger. I think that building some strength in my body will help build up my confidence. Confidence is a tool that I am lacking, always have been. I need to awaken the Lion that is screaming in my heart to get out. Who is going to believe in me when I don't even believe in myself.
I don't think these goals are very far out and they are definitely attainable. Today is the day.
Wow, I have been sitting here for the past hour writing non-stop! I have so much more to say, but I think I should save that for next time. It feels good to write this down and get it off my chest, but all this talk doesn't mean anything if I don't back it up with action.