(no subject)
So much to say no enough time to work it out in my head. Being out on my own has brought me to many realizations. One- freedom. i can do whatever i want, whenever i want and no one is going to tell me what to do. Two- Broke! Bills keep on comming and random things break and run out and I need to go replenish them. It SUCKS! Three- maturity. I'm an adult now i work a full time job, with very good benifits and life is now. Not only that but first relationship i had out on my own sucked a lot. We saw too much of each other and i am poor so i couldnt go out and fullfill her every need and desire. which brings her to go out and do crazy things when i'm not around. Life is getting to be real hard. i want to be 8 again. if you think about it, that is the best year to be living as a kid. My life when i was 8 consist of nintendo, legos, soccer, bmx, and kickball. Those 5 things was my life purpose to be the best at. Now i stop, look at myself in the mirror and try to find this boy. He is gone, a man is now all that is reflected. I'm grown up, i have things that are meaningful for me, and things that i have to sacifice to survive.
Trust, the most meaningful gift anyone can give to someone. As humans we dont like to get in trouble, we are willing to say anything to justify if not anything to take blame off of us. Loyality, makes family. To have someone there for you for better or worse, rain or shine, day or night. Regrets, everyone has them. In this life we mess up, slip up, and really screw ourselves over sometimes. Its the time where we learn from our mistakes so that regret doesnt build up till the point or no forgivness from oneself.
In each of these i've struggled with personaly in relationships of my friends within these last 3 months. Trust, being broken and lost of my ex girlfriend, a lot of stuff went down where i couldnt trust her no more. Also a girl who has been hurt from prior boyfriend has left a scar which she may never have 100% trust in someone. Loyality, when my ex and i broke up my best friend and i had some questionable actions that brought up the question of loyality. Regret, every relationship i have with someone that i end up being interested in has ended up in regret. i look at my actions and with the most clear viewed mind and i cant find what is wrong with me. where is that girl that will make me happy without trying to change who i am inside. NO WHERE! I just need time away from the female sex. Go back to the person i was 4 months ago,"that great friend". Life sure brings all the crap with any sort of goodness. I'm trying to really find this whole meaning of life.
Trust, the most meaningful gift anyone can give to someone. As humans we dont like to get in trouble, we are willing to say anything to justify if not anything to take blame off of us. Loyality, makes family. To have someone there for you for better or worse, rain or shine, day or night. Regrets, everyone has them. In this life we mess up, slip up, and really screw ourselves over sometimes. Its the time where we learn from our mistakes so that regret doesnt build up till the point or no forgivness from oneself.
In each of these i've struggled with personaly in relationships of my friends within these last 3 months. Trust, being broken and lost of my ex girlfriend, a lot of stuff went down where i couldnt trust her no more. Also a girl who has been hurt from prior boyfriend has left a scar which she may never have 100% trust in someone. Loyality, when my ex and i broke up my best friend and i had some questionable actions that brought up the question of loyality. Regret, every relationship i have with someone that i end up being interested in has ended up in regret. i look at my actions and with the most clear viewed mind and i cant find what is wrong with me. where is that girl that will make me happy without trying to change who i am inside. NO WHERE! I just need time away from the female sex. Go back to the person i was 4 months ago,"that great friend". Life sure brings all the crap with any sort of goodness. I'm trying to really find this whole meaning of life.