(no subject)
Come,
To enter or be brought into a specified state or condition.(dictionary.com)
As you are
As you were
As I want you to be
I can't ever be that person. Never that girl, never that woman, what I want to, and what you want me to be.
"... hey at least I like your personality"
As a friend
As a friend
As a known memory
That's all it was supposed to be. But friends don't sleep together. Knowing me - which you claimed to do - under all circumstances one would have not "gone there" . There is so much I should put right here - but perhaps it is not appropriate for a public domain. Thank goodness for Backspace.
Take your time
Hurry up
The choice is yours
Dont be late
I was too late. But for the months leading up to the decision, I spent much time trying to decypher the situation, the people and the person. Understanding heals the wounds - or so I had thought. Having always given the benefit of doubt -- incase intention was miscommunicated or misunderstood -- I put it in that basket. But when it is now revealed in one cold word in a alleyway domestic - speechless.
Undoing all the work that someone had carefully redeveloped personal positivity with over the course of a year - debates and put downs that everyone usually suspected were jokes - it is a fact that I cannot change/reverse/remove. I spent years attempting to remove the yellow that soils my skin - partially - and then finally accepting reality - who I am, what I am - my body which seems to never be quite right,,, girl, too fat, too skinny, lack of breasts, lack of penis... asian(!).
Take a rest
...
As a friend
As a known memory
Memory ah
So what do I do now? Friend? Enemy? Non-Ex? What the fuck was it. What the fuck did it mean. Time and time again. Expectations. Suspicions. Rumers. Accusations. Lies. And this, the biggest lie of all. Lies can also come by keeping information too...
Come
Doused in mud
Cept in bleach
As I want you to be
I suppose, that at least.. I only half repulsed you. Yet you let me in, made me stay, ...and knew all my fears. I cleansed your life and put you at peace with so many things... forgetting mine which lurked in the background... only for once again... settling down... comfortability... and then BAM! Whacked in the face AGAIN. A social conditioning thats ripped me to shreds as I loose myself in humiliarity.
A a friend
As a known memory
And I swear
That I dont have a gun
No, I dont have a gun.
That's not my weapon of choice.