(no subject)
Dear Adobe Illustrator...
I'll be as honest as I can. I don't think it's going to work out between us.
Sometimes you work perfectly, and sometimes you let me down. It's difficult trying to communicate with you when I need you the most, and this really hurts me. I wish that you could help me out, too. Tell me what I'm not doing right. Give me some hints. I understand that I have a lot to learn about you to. Seriously, I've considered taking a class. It would really help. After all, we do see each other pretty much everday. Five days a week. That's a lot of time together. In fact, maybe we need a break. You could go sit on our G4's hard drive and do your thing, and I could pop open YouTube and watch girls make out or something. It could be beneficial for us both. Maybe next time you won't just suddenly quit on me in the middle of saving an important file, and maybe next time you won't just refuse to open a file that clearly saved correctly simply because of a 'programming error'. I do understand that some of this is because of our G4's RAM, but you have to bear with me, okay? Tell me what to do. I can close Firefox if you wish, hide the dock if that's what bugs you.... I just want us to get along, since we still have about four months together before the end of the year. Really. I do love you, you've done so much for me, and for our little business as a whole. Now please, hold together for me, kthx?
...okay, now that that's done with..
Sorry I haven't updated in, what, forever? I turned 19 last week, as you may know.
Thanks to everyone who greeted me! XD
Especially to Sarah, who sent me a huge birthday package with all sorts of cool things including dragons and DVDs and posters, and to Gelli, who sent me an awesome card with some delicious swag attached. Trying to get a head start in investing in my movies, no doubt. ;) Thanks. Also, major props to my grandma, who totally bought me the wrong DS game for my birthday (Mario and Luigi: Partners in Time instead of Sonic Rush), but it turned out to be a lot of fun, so I honestly can't complain.
My birthday was accompanied by the usual angst, but most of it was rather covert or at least expressed through ranting and doing push-ups and stuff. It also follows that I didn't have enough time to accurately stop and reflect on this change. Do I feel any older? I sure as hell don't right now. I've always felt somewhat older than my age in some ways, and somewhat younger than my age in others. On my actual birthday we went over to my uncle's place and had some samgyeopsal (삼겹살). This meal occured simply because I asked for it.
Aunt Susan: Hey Joseph, what do you want for your birthday?
Joseph: Korean food.
Aunt Susan: What? Seriously? What kind of Korean food do you have in mind?
Joseph: Um, anything.
Aunt Susan: Anything?
Joseph: Fine, SAMGYEOPSAL! You asked for it! jklasfpojautriacvlkansc
Samgyeopsal (or sam-gyeop-sal), for those of you unfortunate enough to have not experienced this delicacy of Korean cuisine, is pretty much the greatest food in the world, for those of you not in the know. It's essentially the greatest form of Korean barbecue. Imagine if you will taking a fat slice of pork, cooking it in front of you, dipping it into a salt/pepper mix, mixing it up with some hot red bean paste, green onions and garlic, wrapping it all up in some lettuce and shoving it all in your mouth in one gigantic, juicy bite. There are different variations of it, of course, and this wasn't exactly the best samgyeopsal I've had in my life (mostly because my aunts aren't exactly experts at cooking Korean food and we couldn't cook it on the table so it wasn't as fresh), but damn it if it wasn't really, really good and satisfying. I wish I'd eaten more, but then I wouldn't have had room for the ice cream. *sigh*
Anyway, it was a great day overall. My family called, and Khayla asked me a lot of questions. All my brothers have accents now. Either that or my accent has changed. Man, I have no idea. Anyhow, my little cousins and I played some frisbee, and I had a talk with Lauren about putting Madison down all the time when it came to sports. Madison (my younger cousin) always gets put down because she isn't as fast or as skilled as Lauren in certain things, and this consequently makes her embarassed and rather afraid to try new things lest she not be exactly stellar at them and she'll have to endure Lauren putting her down and telling her she's "holding us back" and such. If only I could show Madison that it's because she's younger than Lauren, and thus less nimble and whatnot.... *sigh* But then again, it's not just in sports. I get the feeling that it's one of those situations where the older child is a prodigy and the younger one is, well, the younger one. The situation is all-too familiar; I'm curious that nobody else sees it. Similar to my little brothers Michael and Aaron, except not as emotionally charged (though those boys do get along well).
But I'm going off on tangents again. Point is... twas a good birthday overall. *bows*
I feel horrible for not checking up on all my friends' journals, but then again I can't really help it. Work has been so horrible lately... in fact, it's taken me a few days to finish writing this relatively short (Joseph-short, anyway) entry, on and off. Seriously. I've been that busy.
Yeah, I wonder how this agency ever got by without me. It's like I hold the place together or something. Then again, my uncle is still only coming in for a few hours a day and Benny is really fed up with his job (to the point where he mentions wanting to resign often; that, however, is how I know he isn't going to leave), whilst Joe travels through his days like any other old man - kindly, old, bored, reading his newspaper and eating fruits... I dunno. It's kinda funny how well I fit into the work ethic. Janis Joplin's Bobby McGee playing on the classic rock radio station every day, Benny complaining about that song every time without fail, calls from our idiot client, calls from our not-so-idiot clients, me having to design things that will never see the light of day, proofreading this, translating that, calculating these costs, Powerpointing various things... It's a living, though. I just wish I had more time to work on Revenge of the Ring. I'm STILL doing lightsaber effects for the first battle in the movie, believe it or not. It's crazy.
They've got me working all day. 8:30 AM to 6:30 PM. I usually don't leave until 6:30, and arrive back at 8 PM, just in time for dinner and Star Trek before I watch some dirty videos or talk on the phone and eventually fall asleep. Sometimes I have to cheat for some recreation time. Today, for instance, we bailed out during lunch hour to the local arcade and started playing some Drum Mania and Hyper Bishi Bashi Champ (or the Korean equivalent). The guy who regularly hogs up the Drum Mania (essentially a renamed Percussion Freaks) machine went off for a few minutes and I jumped right onto the thing. Started playing those old songs back from the Philippines. It was so nostalgic, like taking a dip back into the womb or something. I dunno, can't explain how awesome it was that I was able to survive all four songs, especially Across the Nightmare and Right On Time. Fscking awesome. Moe would have been so happy.)
The sad part, of course, is that the damn game costs $1 to play. $1 for four songs when back home it was about less than $.50? Gack.
Word up.
Alice: Do you ever feel like you're living in an alternate reality?
Joseph: I am living in an alternate reality. And what makes you say that?
Alice: Just thinking about comedy. Comedians. How they're almost living in an alternate reality. They experience the same things that you and I do, but it's just a completely heightened experience for them. I find that endlessly fascinating.
Joseph: Well, I must be living in an alternate reality, because I'm carrying on a conversation with myself when i could be on the train back to my apartment listening to ZZ Top and whatnot. I'm insane.
Alice: Oh, you worry too much. It's Friday, lighten up a little.
Joseph: I suppose you're right.
Alice: I'm always right.
Joseph: *ruffles hair*
Alice: *blows raspberry* You're crazy, but you're no Carlos Mencia.
Joseph: Are you saying I'm crazy and offensive, but not funny?
Alice: I'm saying you and he are different.
Joseph: You're obsessed with that word. Different.
Alice: It's probably the most understanding word in the English language. We're all different. Boys, girls, other people that don't fit into those categories.... there are a million things in this universe that we're certainly not, but there's one thing that everything and everyone is, and that's different. Different from everything else.
Joseph: Kind of like that Rush lyric, "...he knows changes aren't permanent... but change is".
Alice: Um, not really. But on the same logical wave.
Joseph: So what's your point? Differences are something to be celebrated?
Alice: I guess so. Why shouldn't they be?
Joseph: Because differences can also be divisive.
Alice: My dear, you do realize that we are being a bit too general here. And negative.
Joseph: Fine, then.
Alice: Sometimes you scare me. You start to sound like you only care about yourself. Like it's you against the world. Like just because the world feels or acts differently from your personal views and opinions it is inherently flawed.
Joseph: Well, I do sometimes struggle to see things from other people's points of view, and I do have a dark side. But can we not focus on it right now? You're supposed to love me unconditionally. That's why you were created.
Alice: Oh, but Joseph, how can one love someone who refuses to be loved? How can one love themselves if they see the world as a place of darkness? Don't you see... you ask for something but you don't really act like you want it.
Joseph: But I do want it. I do want to love and be loved.
Alice: Prove it.
Joseph: ....when?
Alice: Anytime. Start now.
Joseph: ....I'll try.
The End.
Joseph: WTF was that?
Alice: A very warped after-school special, by the looks of it.
Joseph: Aahh! Run away! Run away!
Alice: Hold on, you. There be some truth in our words.
Joseph: Mm-hmm?
Alice: You're bitter, angry and racist. And you have to get over it. But you can't get over it until you find someone who would love you for who you are. But you can't act your best, most intelligent and most attractive right now because you're all bitter and angry. And your anger towards the world is mirrored in your anger towards yourself. Since you are an INFP and an Enneagram Type 9, you harbor a lot of passive rage both inwards and outwards whilst at the same time desire greatly to be loved for who you are.
Joseph: To be loved on my own terms?
Alice: No. On the contrary, you seek to be understood. Yet you fear that there is not much to understand. That is your deepest fear, that you are just a mask with nothing under it.
Joseph: Shyeah, right. Okay. Boo hoo. I need me some love and understanding and someone to tell me I'm deep, yo. Break out the tears and shiz.
Alice: Oh, why do I even bother?
Joseph: Because you love me. And because of that, you constantly yearn to understand me.
Alice: If only you could love yourself, too...
Joseph: But I do love myself. Through you.
Alice: It doesn't mean jack if you don't let me through, Joseph.
Joseph: I've been scared to. You know me too well. It's too much effort. It's too taxing on my energy. It's too.... weird.
Alice: I know, I know. But you're just so damn stubborn. I can help you. Just listen to me, okay? Give me a chance.
Joseph: I'll try.
Alice: You do that. We all have our own perceptions of reality, don't we?
Joseph: I suppose.
Alice: Then why shouldn't our reality be heightened? Why shouldn't we live live on our own terms? Isn't that the only way to really live?
Joseph: You sure like to ask a lot of questions.
Alice: It's my job.
Joseph: Maybe we should consider a career in therapy.
Alice: Maybe you should consider leaving the effing office; it's 6:21 PM and you're done for the day.
Joseph: Good point. Later, folks.
I'll be as honest as I can. I don't think it's going to work out between us.
Sometimes you work perfectly, and sometimes you let me down. It's difficult trying to communicate with you when I need you the most, and this really hurts me. I wish that you could help me out, too. Tell me what I'm not doing right. Give me some hints. I understand that I have a lot to learn about you to. Seriously, I've considered taking a class. It would really help. After all, we do see each other pretty much everday. Five days a week. That's a lot of time together. In fact, maybe we need a break. You could go sit on our G4's hard drive and do your thing, and I could pop open YouTube and watch girls make out or something. It could be beneficial for us both. Maybe next time you won't just suddenly quit on me in the middle of saving an important file, and maybe next time you won't just refuse to open a file that clearly saved correctly simply because of a 'programming error'. I do understand that some of this is because of our G4's RAM, but you have to bear with me, okay? Tell me what to do. I can close Firefox if you wish, hide the dock if that's what bugs you.... I just want us to get along, since we still have about four months together before the end of the year. Really. I do love you, you've done so much for me, and for our little business as a whole. Now please, hold together for me, kthx?
...okay, now that that's done with..
Sorry I haven't updated in, what, forever? I turned 19 last week, as you may know.
Thanks to everyone who greeted me! XD
Especially to Sarah, who sent me a huge birthday package with all sorts of cool things including dragons and DVDs and posters, and to Gelli, who sent me an awesome card with some delicious swag attached. Trying to get a head start in investing in my movies, no doubt. ;) Thanks. Also, major props to my grandma, who totally bought me the wrong DS game for my birthday (Mario and Luigi: Partners in Time instead of Sonic Rush), but it turned out to be a lot of fun, so I honestly can't complain.
My birthday was accompanied by the usual angst, but most of it was rather covert or at least expressed through ranting and doing push-ups and stuff. It also follows that I didn't have enough time to accurately stop and reflect on this change. Do I feel any older? I sure as hell don't right now. I've always felt somewhat older than my age in some ways, and somewhat younger than my age in others. On my actual birthday we went over to my uncle's place and had some samgyeopsal (삼겹살). This meal occured simply because I asked for it.
Aunt Susan: Hey Joseph, what do you want for your birthday?
Joseph: Korean food.
Aunt Susan: What? Seriously? What kind of Korean food do you have in mind?
Joseph: Um, anything.
Aunt Susan: Anything?
Joseph: Fine, SAMGYEOPSAL! You asked for it! jklasfpojautriacvlkansc
Samgyeopsal (or sam-gyeop-sal), for those of you unfortunate enough to have not experienced this delicacy of Korean cuisine, is pretty much the greatest food in the world, for those of you not in the know. It's essentially the greatest form of Korean barbecue. Imagine if you will taking a fat slice of pork, cooking it in front of you, dipping it into a salt/pepper mix, mixing it up with some hot red bean paste, green onions and garlic, wrapping it all up in some lettuce and shoving it all in your mouth in one gigantic, juicy bite. There are different variations of it, of course, and this wasn't exactly the best samgyeopsal I've had in my life (mostly because my aunts aren't exactly experts at cooking Korean food and we couldn't cook it on the table so it wasn't as fresh), but damn it if it wasn't really, really good and satisfying. I wish I'd eaten more, but then I wouldn't have had room for the ice cream. *sigh*
Anyway, it was a great day overall. My family called, and Khayla asked me a lot of questions. All my brothers have accents now. Either that or my accent has changed. Man, I have no idea. Anyhow, my little cousins and I played some frisbee, and I had a talk with Lauren about putting Madison down all the time when it came to sports. Madison (my younger cousin) always gets put down because she isn't as fast or as skilled as Lauren in certain things, and this consequently makes her embarassed and rather afraid to try new things lest she not be exactly stellar at them and she'll have to endure Lauren putting her down and telling her she's "holding us back" and such. If only I could show Madison that it's because she's younger than Lauren, and thus less nimble and whatnot.... *sigh* But then again, it's not just in sports. I get the feeling that it's one of those situations where the older child is a prodigy and the younger one is, well, the younger one. The situation is all-too familiar; I'm curious that nobody else sees it. Similar to my little brothers Michael and Aaron, except not as emotionally charged (though those boys do get along well).
But I'm going off on tangents again. Point is... twas a good birthday overall. *bows*
I feel horrible for not checking up on all my friends' journals, but then again I can't really help it. Work has been so horrible lately... in fact, it's taken me a few days to finish writing this relatively short (Joseph-short, anyway) entry, on and off. Seriously. I've been that busy.
Yeah, I wonder how this agency ever got by without me. It's like I hold the place together or something. Then again, my uncle is still only coming in for a few hours a day and Benny is really fed up with his job (to the point where he mentions wanting to resign often; that, however, is how I know he isn't going to leave), whilst Joe travels through his days like any other old man - kindly, old, bored, reading his newspaper and eating fruits... I dunno. It's kinda funny how well I fit into the work ethic. Janis Joplin's Bobby McGee playing on the classic rock radio station every day, Benny complaining about that song every time without fail, calls from our idiot client, calls from our not-so-idiot clients, me having to design things that will never see the light of day, proofreading this, translating that, calculating these costs, Powerpointing various things... It's a living, though. I just wish I had more time to work on Revenge of the Ring. I'm STILL doing lightsaber effects for the first battle in the movie, believe it or not. It's crazy.
They've got me working all day. 8:30 AM to 6:30 PM. I usually don't leave until 6:30, and arrive back at 8 PM, just in time for dinner and Star Trek before I watch some dirty videos or talk on the phone and eventually fall asleep. Sometimes I have to cheat for some recreation time. Today, for instance, we bailed out during lunch hour to the local arcade and started playing some Drum Mania and Hyper Bishi Bashi Champ (or the Korean equivalent). The guy who regularly hogs up the Drum Mania (essentially a renamed Percussion Freaks) machine went off for a few minutes and I jumped right onto the thing. Started playing those old songs back from the Philippines. It was so nostalgic, like taking a dip back into the womb or something. I dunno, can't explain how awesome it was that I was able to survive all four songs, especially Across the Nightmare and Right On Time. Fscking awesome. Moe would have been so happy.)
The sad part, of course, is that the damn game costs $1 to play. $1 for four songs when back home it was about less than $.50? Gack.
Word up.
Alice: Do you ever feel like you're living in an alternate reality?
Joseph: I am living in an alternate reality. And what makes you say that?
Alice: Just thinking about comedy. Comedians. How they're almost living in an alternate reality. They experience the same things that you and I do, but it's just a completely heightened experience for them. I find that endlessly fascinating.
Joseph: Well, I must be living in an alternate reality, because I'm carrying on a conversation with myself when i could be on the train back to my apartment listening to ZZ Top and whatnot. I'm insane.
Alice: Oh, you worry too much. It's Friday, lighten up a little.
Joseph: I suppose you're right.
Alice: I'm always right.
Joseph: *ruffles hair*
Alice: *blows raspberry* You're crazy, but you're no Carlos Mencia.
Joseph: Are you saying I'm crazy and offensive, but not funny?
Alice: I'm saying you and he are different.
Joseph: You're obsessed with that word. Different.
Alice: It's probably the most understanding word in the English language. We're all different. Boys, girls, other people that don't fit into those categories.... there are a million things in this universe that we're certainly not, but there's one thing that everything and everyone is, and that's different. Different from everything else.
Joseph: Kind of like that Rush lyric, "...he knows changes aren't permanent... but change is".
Alice: Um, not really. But on the same logical wave.
Joseph: So what's your point? Differences are something to be celebrated?
Alice: I guess so. Why shouldn't they be?
Joseph: Because differences can also be divisive.
Alice: My dear, you do realize that we are being a bit too general here. And negative.
Joseph: Fine, then.
Alice: Sometimes you scare me. You start to sound like you only care about yourself. Like it's you against the world. Like just because the world feels or acts differently from your personal views and opinions it is inherently flawed.
Joseph: Well, I do sometimes struggle to see things from other people's points of view, and I do have a dark side. But can we not focus on it right now? You're supposed to love me unconditionally. That's why you were created.
Alice: Oh, but Joseph, how can one love someone who refuses to be loved? How can one love themselves if they see the world as a place of darkness? Don't you see... you ask for something but you don't really act like you want it.
Joseph: But I do want it. I do want to love and be loved.
Alice: Prove it.
Joseph: ....when?
Alice: Anytime. Start now.
Joseph: ....I'll try.
The End.
Joseph: WTF was that?
Alice: A very warped after-school special, by the looks of it.
Joseph: Aahh! Run away! Run away!
Alice: Hold on, you. There be some truth in our words.
Joseph: Mm-hmm?
Alice: You're bitter, angry and racist. And you have to get over it. But you can't get over it until you find someone who would love you for who you are. But you can't act your best, most intelligent and most attractive right now because you're all bitter and angry. And your anger towards the world is mirrored in your anger towards yourself. Since you are an INFP and an Enneagram Type 9, you harbor a lot of passive rage both inwards and outwards whilst at the same time desire greatly to be loved for who you are.
Joseph: To be loved on my own terms?
Alice: No. On the contrary, you seek to be understood. Yet you fear that there is not much to understand. That is your deepest fear, that you are just a mask with nothing under it.
Joseph: Shyeah, right. Okay. Boo hoo. I need me some love and understanding and someone to tell me I'm deep, yo. Break out the tears and shiz.
Alice: Oh, why do I even bother?
Joseph: Because you love me. And because of that, you constantly yearn to understand me.
Alice: If only you could love yourself, too...
Joseph: But I do love myself. Through you.
Alice: It doesn't mean jack if you don't let me through, Joseph.
Joseph: I've been scared to. You know me too well. It's too much effort. It's too taxing on my energy. It's too.... weird.
Alice: I know, I know. But you're just so damn stubborn. I can help you. Just listen to me, okay? Give me a chance.
Joseph: I'll try.
Alice: You do that. We all have our own perceptions of reality, don't we?
Joseph: I suppose.
Alice: Then why shouldn't our reality be heightened? Why shouldn't we live live on our own terms? Isn't that the only way to really live?
Joseph: You sure like to ask a lot of questions.
Alice: It's my job.
Joseph: Maybe we should consider a career in therapy.
Alice: Maybe you should consider leaving the effing office; it's 6:21 PM and you're done for the day.
Joseph: Good point. Later, folks.